Mr Tinkles â„¢

Well, Hello there foul human.
It is I, Mister Tinkles, honourable feline of favourable mention. A four legged, whiskered genius who is mercilessly plotting your demise.
On occasion, I call for unmarked bills to be placed in trash cans in the Walmart Parking lot, along with valuable family heirlooms (yours of course). It is imperative that you always follow my instructions precisely, or I will have to smite poor Matthew with my wrath, tormenting him for my mere pleasure, gleeing over his very plight. Hear me human. HEAR ME.
I will make uncalled for demands. You will bow before me and feed me fine salmon from your wretched naked fingers.
Even your dog is petrified of my godly presence.