Alex

I have a big ass mirror in my shower. Most people think it's for shaving (and it is), but what it's REALLY for making shampoo horns and monster faces at myself every morning.I have a dent puller suction cup thing I bought to pull a dent on my truck. It worked great, so now I pull dents out of stranger's cars when they're not looking. I find this quite satisfying.I send magazine subscriptions (pre-paid) to people to bug them, I figure out the magazine they'd hate the most and that's the one they get. Ebony to my racist friend, Jenny Craig monthly to my ex-girlfriend, Playboy to my friend with the super jealous wife, Big Rig to my environmental friends.On the weekends, I dress like a bum (torn shorts, baseball hat, Timex watch) and drive a white geo metro. I hit on the most stuck-up women I see, if they reject me, I get a weird pleasure in knowing that I'm really a successful businessman who could buy and sell them. Silly girls.I still eat Cocoa Puffs, apple jacks, or peanut butter sandwiches and watch cartoons in a tent in my living room sometimes.I never get bored. When I spot cars parked at expired parking meters, I fish out a quarter, glance around nervously as I am filled with the rush of breaking the law, then slide the quarter in the slot and casually wander away innocently. I like to think of it as my little way of “sticking it to The Man”, but I really do it because I know that women just love “bad boys”. Admit it. And it saves you from yet another parking ticket.I love gourmet food and Gatorade, and I am a masterful chef who can prepare a fine meal (well, you can be the judge of that)...Challenge me! This is not what I do for a living, but a talent I have in which my family and I benefit.How you express yourself says a lot about you as a person. Communication is the tool that we use to get through any relationship, regardless of what sort of relationship it is. I want to know who you are, not what you do.I am very outgoing and always 100% honest about what I think on any subject. There will be never be any holding back. When I need to say something, I do it. If you don't want honesty, run away now. Run away fast, and hope you can outrun me and that I do not have a large stick. I ask for the same. Sense of humour and wit are my favorite characteristics in people.I am not impressed by others outward toys or symbols of money or status. I am constantly in search of knowledge. I like to sleep in my boxer briefs. Um, I will school your assets at tic-TAC-toe and cheat in monopoly to win and why do people pick their nose in the car? Do they not think people can see them?I refuse to think that I’m only attracted to psychos, or that I might be perceiving everyone else as crazy when in fact I’m the one who’s nuts. Rather, I choose to believe that by pure coincidence, all of my exes have just been completely insane. Are there any normal girls out there with zero drama? I’m so sick of these incredibly hot girls with perfect bodies who turn out to be mentally unstable; I’m ready for an incredibly hot girl with a perfect body who I can MARRY. Are you out there? (If you have some baggage, that's ok. And by baggage, I mean a)hot girlfriends b) hot sister c) hot mom d)all of the above )Please stop regarding me as a mere sexual plaything. It is becoming tiresome. Until now, women have relied on me for countless hours of sexual fulfillment, but I've had quite enough of it. I'm tired of being ogled every time I walk down the street or through the mall. I'm tired of having random women come up to me in bars half naked, buying me drinks, asking for my number, pretending to be interested in my personality, then forgetting my name. I'm tired of being pressured to 'put out' for you just because you're horny or trying to impress your friends. I'm tired of waking up the next day to find you gone, then waiting by the phone in vain. I want what every reasonable man wants - twins.P.S. I also like girls who get drunk and show me their boobs.You may think I'm immature, but I'm really happy.