The Captain

The Captain lied: he's not eighteen. What a cat won't say to get himself online with other internet sex perverts. Technically a "minor," he was born in 1990, but this could not be divulged in the stat column due to tight-assed anti-ped laws. Many concede, however, that the Captain is "mature for his age." Indeed he far surpasses his years on the human solar calender. Some calculate that he is actually 77. And as he has climbed rapidly in years, he's gone from being a punk rock kitten with a johnny rotten baditude to a tender old man with a warm, sweet heart. His main hobby is now cuddling. A large portion of his time is devoted to this art.