Rob Vicious - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a part-time alcoholic, full-time smartass. I'm at my best when you're not boring the hell out of me. Casual conversation bores the hell out of me, unless I'm drunk, you're talking about your breasts or first lesbian experience, or your mouth is situated in your clevage. I think Hellen Keller jokes are hilarious, in fact, I think any joke thats so over the top and outrageously offensive is propotionately equal in humor. On very rare occassions you can catch me perform onstage (comedy, not fellatio). Odds are I can make you laugh, if I can't you're probably a deafmute. Keep your head up, Hellen Keller.

My Interests

I like making people laugh at socially unacceptable topics. I like incorporating the words "titties" and "va-jay-jay" into conversation as much as possible.

I'd like to meet:

People with interesting stories to tell. Note: telling me every little detail about your pet cat/dog does not constitute interesting unless you're asian and telling me how you'd like to prepare it with fried rice for me.
Hookers, midgets and transvestites (post-op only). Strippers are interesting, but only if they're willing to or have had sex for money while their hungry baby is crying in the next room. What can I say? I support single mothers.
Pirates are overrated.
Anyone who's lived an extraordinary life. The most interesting people in the world probably don't have a myspace account, but whatever. I'll give it a shot.

Music:

That Brazilian Girls "Pussy" song is pretty nifty. Ray LaMontagne, Iron and Wine, The White Stripes De Stijl album, Wolfmother, The Black Keys

Movies:

Best intellectual movie is The Butcher Boy, non-intellectual is The Stoned Age

Television:

House, any nonlinear comedy

Books:

Sartre, Camus, Rimbaud, Dostoyevski, Selby Jr., many many others.

Heroes:

What is a hero? There's nothing that I can look up to in any other person that I cannot find in myself. We're all equal, it's what we do with what we have that makes us exceptional.

My Blog

Hot 60+

I think I'm 23 years old. It's hard to know for sure since I haven't celebrated any birthday since my 21st and my brain has taken on the role of a cult-leader who's killing its members with alcohol as...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 26 Mar 2007 08:01:00 PST

St. Patrick's Day Shenanigans

One pint of Guinness, one shot of Jamesons, one shot of Bailey's. You have to chug it before the Bailey's curdles, otherwise it's like trying to drink rancid cottage cheese. Somewhere alon...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 05:02:00 PST

Yet another St. Patricks Day blog...

This is the only socially acceptable holiday where it's ok to get completely drunk until you're projectile vomiting and as long as it's green, you're still festive (yeah, I recycled this joke, shut up...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Wed, 14 Mar 2007 08:24:00 PST

Recollections of a ruined concert...

I hate the girl at the concert who feels the need to scream whenever she hears the opening line to her favorite song. "Oh my god I love this song so much I have to validate my affection by being...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 06:30:00 PST

My guide to the filthiest Valentines Day sex you'll ever have.

First things first, if you're in a long-term relationship (ie. more than a month), DUMP THEM. This is perhaps the only holiday you want to go into completely single, bec...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:10:00 PST

Suicide Girls?

Suicide:NOUN: 1. The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself. Girl:NOUN: 1. An immature or inexperienced woman, especially a young woman. Suicidegirls.com"Cult of sexy amateur punk, emo, ...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:24:00 PST

I am the anti-chick flick.

A True Boyfriend Would... -Leave her sweet texts to wake up to The only text you're going to wake up to is the one that comes at 3:30 am when you're passed the hell out and we'...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 06:59:00 PST

Rob takes on the Handicapped

I found myself recently channel-surfing to avert my boredom when I came across a skinny guy walking a legless woman on a skateboard. Normally I don't judge people solely on their looks (unless t...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 09:17:00 PST

Rob Ruins Christmas

The premise of Secret Santa is retarded. You're supposed to buy a gift for some asshole you don't even know, and not even get the glory of letting them know it was you that bought it. I re...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 04:17:00 PST

Happy Halloween?

Isn't it an oxymoron to wish someone a Happy Halloween? This is supposed to be the most vile, scariest holiday out there. You've never seen Jason Voorhees stalk his prey with a two foot ma...
Posted by Rob Vicious on Wed, 01 Nov 2006 09:36:00 PST