I'm a total fucking phony, a fat hypocrite walking and using big words to sound intelligent. I am pseudo-intellectual with big rosy cheeks and a roll of chub under the chin that arrived a decade ahead of schedule. Thanks G-d. Just what I needed, another body image issue.
Don't even bother getting to know me. I am an insufferable bastard with three friends, one of which uses me for money and rides, the other who hates my guts but tolerates me b/c he's equally insufferable. The third is my wife, who is clinically insane and clearly suffers from the delusion that I am a worthwhile human being to hitch her ride to.
Just in case you have no idea who the fuck I am, you probably know foundrymusic.com and opieandanthony.com. That's my work. I am also an amateur stand-up comedian. Notice I didn't say up-and-coming, for I am neither up or coming...and if my last couple of shows are any indication of how my career in comedy is going the only performing I'll be doing will be on my knees in a bathroom stall on the NJ turnpike.
