Burnsy profile picture

Burnsy

I am here for Friends

About Me

He's the self-proclaimed, uncontested King of Orlando. He's the gas that revs girls' engines and the air freshener that makes the ride enjoyable. He's more powerful than a lightning bolt to the crotch, yet he's as gentle as the Snuggles bear on ecstasy. He's the devil on your left shoulder giving the business to the angel on your right shoulder. He's that sound you heard coming from your parents' bedroom when you were a kid. He's the Alpha and the Omega... He's Burnsy.

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My Interests

You can check out my inspirational blogging at:- Blumpkins For All!- In Reality...- Red, White and Dude
Shiny objects... Bright lights... Things that make interesting noises... Jokes about flatulence... Women of the highest culture or women of no culture at all... I like a nice bottle of whiskey not because I enjoy spirits but because it makes me want to fight with knives... I'm a fan of UCF athletics although I wish the school had a cock-fighting program.

I'd like to meet:

Any pitcher who will sign a contract to play for St. Louis this season... A judge who doesn't believe in upholding child support laws... a Pope that's man enough to fight me to the death... Sir Walter Raleigh... a chick with three boobs... and the Tooth Fairy, because that bitch owes me.

Music:

My favorite song is the Star-Spangled MANner.

Movies:

Juice! That was a good one!

Television:

Two words: Spice Channel. Oh, and sometimes the Discovery Channel when they show those cool National Geographic exposes on African tribes and the chicks don't have any tops. And Perfect Strangers because Balki always taught an important lesson to Cousin Larry.

Books:

I just finished Hemingway's "Bravado in a Beef Canyon" and it was exquisite. I prefer the classics like Tolstoy's "Socialist Sex Panther" and Jane Austen's "Chicks With Victorian Knockers." However, I occasionally like to spice it up with such controversial novels as Orwell's "Democrats Prefer Little Boys" and Tom Clancy's "Dead Hooker Syndrome."

Heroes:

Your parents, because they had sex in order to make you.And myself, because I was named Orlando's Best Local Blogger by the Orlando Sentinel.

My Blog

Why am I a Republican?

Editor's note: I have no idea why the video embed isn't working, but if you haven't already seen this video, you can view it here: Will.I.Am's second drawn out Obama video It's a good question, really...
Posted by Burnsy on Fri, 29 Feb 2008 02:59:00 PST

Burnsy’s Baseball Spring Preview - The A.L. East

Each year, I use my unparalleled knowledge to break down each division in baseball and accurately predict which team will win the World Series. Sadly, I've been wrong the past two out of three years, ...
Posted by Burnsy on Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:22:00 PST

Burnsy goes to the movies  Oscar Party!

Each year I like to keep a running diary of the Academy Awards because I see so many movies during the year that I feel a personal connection to many of the nominees. This year was especially huge bec...
Posted by Burnsy on Mon, 25 Feb 2008 09:05:00 PST

Why dont you just castrate me?

Normally I would just post this movie trailer in a MySpace bulletin and make some snide remark about how lame this movie looks and how stupid the show was, but I'm running on two hours of sleep, a lit...
Posted by Burnsy on Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:51:00 PST

Burnsy goes to the movies, TV Edition  Knight Rider

If you take a look at television today and then think back to the television of the 80s, the differences are pretty staggering. What's that? You don't remember television from the 80s because you only...
Posted by Burnsy on Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:59:00 PST

Who says I can’t make an impact?

Now I'll be the first to admit that there's essentially no proof that anything I could write in this obscure blog, my MySpace blog or my newly created CBS Sports Blog could ever cause a national stir....
Posted by Burnsy on Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:48:00 PST

Burnsys Guide to the Presidential Candidates: Barack Obama

Every now and then I like to get political. Emphasis on then, but since the primaries are heating up and candidates are taking their gloves off and starting the waterworks, I figured I would step in t...
Posted by Burnsy on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:25:00 PST

Time to take a bow, Carmen Electra

Welcome to my newest feature, Once-Hot Chicks Who Need to Pack It Up and Call It a Career. I know the name of this is a little unclear, so allow me to elaborate. Basically, all hot chicks eventually f...
Posted by Burnsy on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 12:50:00 PST

Burnsy v. The New England Patriots

BurnsyRepresentative of the St. Louis Rams Fan Union Division187 Bitchslap Avenue Suite F & UOrlando, FL 32801 PlaintiffV.The New England PatriotsOne Patriot PlaceFoxborough, MA 02035 DefendantINF...
Posted by Burnsy on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 10:11:00 PST

Burnsy’s Guide to the Presidential Candidates: Hillary Clinton

Every now and then I like to get political. Emphasis on then, but since the primaries are heating up and candidates are taking their gloves off and starting the waterworks, I figured I would step in t...
Posted by Burnsy on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 07:29:00 PST