Non-alcoholic Ben profile picture

Non-alcoholic Ben

The Order of Benlightenment

About Me

God himself once told me that I was his greatest creation but then he realized that he wasn't real. He stopped talking to me after that. The point though is that I am of an extremely high level of awesomeness, surpassing the infinitesimally low awesome level of the average plebeian by several thousand orders of magnitude. I also posses a large and powerful brain, in fact I'm so overflowing with brains that if I had a brain for every brain that I have I'd have five. And I do. If I'm not making sense it’s either due to your severely limited comprehension or the fact that I haven't slept in weeks. Some might call this severe chronic insomnia and say that I need immediate medical attention. I however prefer to think of it as the next step on my evolutionary path. I have it on good word from the universe herself that if I make it a year without sleep she will spread wide her orifice of enlightenment and grant me entrance to the soft warm depths of the chasm of transuniversal cognizance from which the foamy white discharge of ultimate knowledge bubbles forth. Then when the universe is my bitch I will use my newfound mind-powers to help those less fortunate. Because I care. I’m lying, I won’t be helping anyone and I really don't care at all about anything. Sometimes I almost kinda wish I did though. I think that should count for something. That occasionally I almost care that I really just don't care. God and I will call that partial credit for giving a shit. God estimates that's roughly 5% of a shit that I give. And since my shits are imbued with universally high levels of awesome they're worth about a thousand times their weight in average shits.I don't remember what I was just talking about but I'll assume it rocked. Interesting fact about me: I'm part Mexican and part German so when I sweat half my back gets wet and the other half is an alcoholic cyborg assassin from the future. Also it has been revealed to me in a vision from my good friend God that those pervs in the plumbing section of the hardware store are having sex with the pipes before you buy them in disgusting after hours Home Depot pipe orgies.

So remember kids, the two most important lessons in life: Crack is wack and don't accept religious pamphlets from anyone because they will come to life in the middle of the night and castrate you in your sleep.Please note I take no responsibility for the preceding ramblings of which I remember next to nothing as they were precipitated by a sleep deprivation induced state of delirium that pharmaceutical solutions have so far failed to alleviate.Peace bitches!

My Interests

art, music, books, video games, drawing, losing interest

I'd like to meet:

Gregor Samsa, Eric Cartman

Music:

Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead, Tool, Muse, Dredg, Nirvana, Sublime, A Perfect Circle, Pidgeon, Chemical Brothers, Audioslave, The Black Mages, Gorillaz, Blur, System of a Down, The Misfits, Kasabian, Kaiser Chiefs, The Bravery, The Strokes, The Clash, The Ramones, Pixies, Blonde Redhead, Albert Hammond Jr, The Walkmen, Death Cab for Cutie, The Subways, The Caesars, Thom Yorke, Aphex Twin, Sigur Rós, Massive Attack, Tricky, Thievery Corporation, Coldplay, Interpol, Comet Gain, The Postal Service, Bush, Filter, Melotron, Haujobb, Prodigy, Joy Division, The Von Bondies, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, Death in Vegas, New Order, Björk, Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against the Machine, Violent Femmes, Bloc Party, Arctic Monkeys, Cold War Kids, Band of Horses, The National, The Raconteurs, Depeche Mode, Delerium, Front Line Assembly, Bloodhound Gang, Peaches, The Editors, Lords of Acid, She Wants Revenge, Weezer, The Doors, The Shins, The Beatles, Ladytron, KMFDM, Chevelle, Incubus, The Dandy Warhols, The Cure, The Smiths, Morrissey, The Mars Volta, The Roots, Placebo, Silversun Pickups, PFFR, Great Northern, TV on the Radio, Arcade Fire, The White Stripes, Modest Mouse

Movies:

anything with zombies

Television:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Wonder Showzen, Ali G, Naruto, South Park

Books:

Chuck Palahniuk, Micheal Chricton, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Kafka

Heroes:

Mario and Luigi