wahsteenaih profile picture

wahsteenaih

I've felt the cold reality of life; and lived to tell of it...

About Me

-March- Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody. ----------------------------------------------------------My name is justine. Butalot of people call me jeffbean, jusbean, wire eyes, and.... the occasional "Bronson"; but theres only one person who called me wahsteenaih and thats that. I won't hear it from anyone else. I sing alot... especially when I'm sad and empty. I write, but haven't written for some time. I'm 18 but will be 19 very very soon. I hope to accomplish everything on that day. I have lovely friends, whom I adore very much. They are my rock for which I can stand on at any time I damn well please. Recently my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and is undergoing kemo once a month for a year. We've found out that they got most of it, but there is stil some spreading in her liver. It's been rough before, since, and after graduation. And she never got to see me walk. After my mom fell ill my dad shortly after did the same. He had tumors in his kidneys and they had to do surgery asap. To this day he is still drinking and smoking excessively. I love art and love to make my own creations, but latey... haven't had the time. I am a homecare provider for my mom and at times am frustrated, but love her none the less. I can't wait to start college soon, I want to be a hair stylist and enjoy my music and art on the side. I have a dog named Dozer and he is the true love of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I was a big time smoker, but recently.... I've sat with myself in pity of how I've ruined everything I could of had. I now know that with marijauna I have at times FELT happy, but wasn't at all in tha state of mind. Without it I've recognized everything I've missed so very much. Yes, it i drug, you can and cannot get hooked on. But when you can't think and/or talk straight you should know it'time to lighten the load. When ou can't realize what good things you lost because of it, you should know how completely lost you are. I have to stay focused for my mom. And I can't do it with just that. I have found positive things in life by seeing with my own eyes and not smoking the wreck that i once was. It's new to everyone, but it's old to me, something I've been working on for sometime now. something I know someone would be proud ome for. at least I'd hope so. -I'm working on a book, on and off... something to pass the time. everything will be in it. and I do mean everything. i want to let everyone in this time around. letthem see what it's like through my eyes. something for someone out there to relate to.--Hope is the thing with feathers-- --That perches in the soul-- --And sings the tune without the words-- --And never stops at all-- ----------Emily Dickinson---------- -my love-

My Interests

I play guitar and looooooooove music. It's a deep deep passion of mine, and is to this day growing rapidly. I write alot... most of the time and looove poetry. I love to be around the people I care about most. I try to do things I've never got to do because you only live once and why not live it to the fullest. I enjoy being crazy cool and doing the weirdest things possible. I love all animals, but most of all giraffes. One day I will succeed in feeding one and having it's massively long tongue wrap around my hand for a little cracker!
-DANZIG!-

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet anyone that would like to meet me.___Am I correct to defend the fist that holds this pen? It's ink that lies, the pen, the page, the paper. I live. I learn. You will always take what I have earned. And so aid my end while I believe I'm winning. Our friends speak out in our defense. I pay ten deaf ears for two months rent. We burn the gallows they erect, and cut the nooses they tie for our necks. You constantly make it impossible to make conversation. Keep us comatose but audible. And I like it the farther I get out. We pass it off but it's all on us. Only common conversation, it took everything I got. And I like it the farther I get out. Once said always said. I will hold the past over your head. I'll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted. I am hellbent on extracting all of my revenge. So take heart, sweetheart, or I will take it from you. We slip concealed back to the keep. Concede to do the work for free. We prey as wolves among the sheep and slit the necks of soldiers while they sleep.__ -Brand New(Deja Entendu)

Music:

sublime ,the clash,from autumn to ashes ,the distillers,lower class brats,a static lullaby,cheap sex, exploited,the casualties,adicts,total chaos,bleed the dream ,taking back sunday,rancid(their older music),the ramones,bob marley,the unseen,cutthroat kiss,beastie boys,coheed and cambria,come back kid,thursday thrice,death cab for cutie,bush,fear before the march of flames,bad religion,david bowie,anatomy of a ghost,against me,kill your idols,bleeding through,alkaline trio,sex pistols,the defiance,pink floyd,refused,dead kennedys,the locust,the red scare,crimson curse,the unicorns,hawthorne heights,fugazi,the dillinger escape plan,joy divison,the smiths,radiohead,thought riot,raamstein,minor threat,matchbook romance,subhumans,the postal service,the voids,the rolling stones,devotchkas,the velvet revolver,nirvana,the misfits,tool,placebo,system of a down,marilyn manson,toxic narcotic,the strokes,the transplants,rage against the machine,queen,modest mouse,led zepplin,the used,a global threat,jimi hendrix,dead poetic,the doors,underoath,dropkick murphys,afi,anti- flag,the virus,the vandals,tom petty ,operation ivy ,nofx,black dahlia murder,him,cky,rob zombie,slipknot,avenged sevenfold,the velvet underground,deftones,the unwanted,switchfoot,franz ferdinand,finger eleven,blondie ,sugarcult,korn,the bled,the fall of troy,bright eyes,a perfect circle,the mars volta ,murder by death,mewithoutyou,acdc,kill me tomorrow,flaming lips ,agnostic front,rocky votolato, the dandy warhols, hot hot heat, the chariot, skinny puppy, the cure, poison the well ,norma jean,as i lay dying ,the blood brothers,the victim of,the mars volta,atreyu,the who,incubus,blue oyster cult,danzig,devo,smashing pumpkins ,the flaming lips,johnny cash,the white stripes,the beatles... and so much more

Movies:

i love scary movies... nightmare on elmstreet, hell's gate, fight club, blow, spun, the cell, fear and loathing in las vegas, resident evil, american history X, half baked, human nature, when the bough breaks, breakfast club, the babysitter, rolling kansas, garden state, donnie darko, madhouse, the jacket, the nightmare before christmas, skinned deep, mothmanP., edward scissorhands. dogma, a river runs through it, from hell, the illusionist, grandmas boy.... kiss the dragon... eh.. and alot more?

Television:

family guy, the simpsons, law and order(heh yea i know.. stupid.) COPS, haha.. umm.. futurama, invader zim, animal planet, forensic files, court tv, divorce court, C.S.I, the dog whisperer, the food channel cuz' I looooooooooooove cookin'!

Books:

a bright red scream, understanding your dreams, slow death, closer, the pill book, manson autobiography.... mm... and some more I can't think of right now...

-When the artist is alive in any person, whatever his kind of work may be, he becomes an inventive, searching, daring, self-expressive, creature. He becomes interesting to other people. He disturbs, upsets, enlightens, and opens ways for a better understanding. Where those who are not artists are trying to close the book, he opens it and shows there are stillmore pages possible..- =the FLaming lips_

Heroes:

"the city has sex with itself i suppose as the concrete collides, the scenery grows and the lonely once bandaged lay fully exposed having exposed their wounds for each other..."My number one hero would have to be my mom because she fought for her life for the two weeks she was in the hospital in portland. At first she didn't want to live, and then she somehow stopped fighting herself and stard fighting so she could come back to me. I had so much hate for her for 16 years of my life, and my year of being 18 changed me forever. I hated her so much that I can't help but love her now for coming home to me. For doing everything she had to do to make it. She fought hard and is still fighting to this day. But I'll never forget how she never gave up. My number two hero would have to be my dad. Although we lost touch after he realized that I'm getting older, but I'll always be a daddy's girl. He too fell ill right after my mom, and still fought to stay ahead of the sickness. For me, for Aaron, for te twins and the rest of the family. But I'd love to beleieve he fought to keep himself alive for her. For my mom. I don't know what I would of done if I'd lost both my parents before and/or during my graduation. I just know I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't of realized a whole lot if it weren't for them. My third hero is someone that means a great deal to me. He knows who he is and will continue to know forever afterwards. He brought me to my feet. He held me close when I was so far from myself. He changed me for the better. Kept me warm when I was cold. Made me laugh when I was sad. Showed me things I'd never seen before. Kept promises I've never seen the other side of. Made me see something beautiful in myself. Something I'd never seen before.--We would rather be ruined than changed --We would rather die in our dread; --Than climb the cross of the moment --And let our illusions die..

My Blog

Rescue me, should I go down, if I dig to deep, if I stay too long...

I'm falling apart and I can't even pick myself up. I feel like a wave only crashing against the shore to soon just drift back out again. she told me her secret, and now I wish I never knew. What I did...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 06:43:00 PST

sense I'm overrated

    Had a job interveiw the other day at the hospital... but I guess it didn't go so well. could of been because my hairs green... but what the hell... half the old people their are pro...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Wed, 06 Sep 2006 12:51:00 PST

and then it was dark and I began to glow

I lay still for the fear of falling offI think about how it used to beHow this sickness she had not...How it's killing her so slowlyNothing left of innocenceNor a sign that she's still glowingLocked a...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:08:00 PST

i'm just gagging on all the all right; i'm so happy; so happy; oh the seasons come for opium

-the shadow of seattle- RainLike tin angels fallingdownLike a mission and we'rehalfway thereFrom some old dried upfried forgotten townWhyWon'y they let us beourselvesWith our potential wecould toe the...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Sun, 30 Jul 2006 10:56:00 PST

When you creid; when you died, when you told me you'd open my eyes

So sweet the air that you seem to breathe so sincere your thoughts are to me how you've been gutted and put back together how your heart they did not sever... your an angel in disguise although tired...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 12:56:00 PST

taken by the rise and fall

how I ache and itch and burn and pry all these feelings I have inside I'm limp, torn, loose, and lost where have I gone? whose to pay the cost? I'm fucking stupid for what I've done but always know th...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Sun, 02 Jul 2006 11:35:00 PST

welcomehomemom; I missed you

     So it's been over two weeks and she just made it back yesterday night. It was pretty emotional when she pulled up and I couldn't hold anything in. I couldn't believe she's act...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Wed, 24 May 2006 10:42:00 PST

"I'm sorry Justine: but it looks like it's serious.. it'll be O.K."

that's what she tells me... and I hear it over and over again in my head, "It'll be O.K." But will it? What does she know? How could she possibly know If it'll really be O.K. I suppose only because my...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Thu, 20 Apr 2006 10:44:00 PST

"forever barely there"

=Forever Barely There= By: Justine Bronson - This book is a story of understandings, unexplainable feelings, and the hardships in life I dealt with and am still to this day dealing with. This book is ...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Sat, 08 Apr 2006 11:08:00 PST

shards of glass splintering memories inside my head

     MARCH 14th=           Unfortunetly missed first period on account of feeling like shit. But went to second and third. Felt alright...
Posted by wahsteenaih on Thu, 16 Mar 2006 06:31:00 PST