Not Dave - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am a terrible, terrible person. Not in how I act, but how I am made. If I was an ice cream flavor, I would be Eyeball Armageddon Surprise and I would taste like regular old vanilla.

My Interests

Interests? Finding out that my testicles were hand grenades and everytime I was molesting myself I was actually loosening the pins. That would hold my interest.

I'd like to meet:

Anyone who can put up with a big retarded gorilla.

Music:

Sheer Terror, Floorpunch, Agnostic Front, Converge, Rites of Spring, Templars, Dag Nasty, Carry On, Judge, Burn, Subhumans, Go!, 108, 7 Seconds, Infest, Bane, Kill The Man Who Questions, Youth of Today, Bold, Minor Threat, Cro Mags, Indecision, Milhouse, Black Flag,Bad Brains, Misfits, Propagandhi, Chokehold,Lifetime, Blackstar, Black Sabath

Movies:

Pootie Tang, Children of Man, Seven Samurai, Deathrace 2000, Battle Royale, Road Warrior, Evil Dead 2, Raising Arizona, Bladerunner, Tron, The Thing, City of God

Television:

Adult Swim, Lost, NBA.

Books:

Douchebag Pavilion by L. Ron Hubbard, Ass, Gas, and Sasafras by L. Ron Hubbard, How to Love a Honky by L. Ron Hubbard, I Said Tug, Not Turn me into a Woman by L. Ron Hubbard, Old Man with Gonorhea vs. Baby with Shingles by L. Ron Hubbard, Of Course Grandma is Familiar with Anal by L. Ron Hubbard, I Hope that Idiot from Top Gun Shows Zero Interest in me by L. Ron Hubbard, Fly, Toilet, Fly by R. Lon Hubbard, Hookers: Wanted Dead or Alive by H. Lon Rubbard, Parcheesi is the Haitian of Board Games by L. Rubb Lonard

Heroes:

Kids who sleep with their teachers, anyone who dropped an upper decker in the White House (departing presidents count), monkeys with black belts in karate, jewish super heroes, any woman who has sex with me, black women who call me 'sugar', 'honey', or 'baby', hot female teachers who bang their students...because that's what I wanted.

My Blog

Is a derogatory name for black people funnier than an injured vagina? YOU DECIDE!

I've mentioned a few times about 'I hurt my clit and then I pouted' on this blog. For those that don't know, my friend Adam and I, when we were around ten or so at summer camp, found the phrase 'I hur...
Posted by Not Dave on Wed, 29 Aug 2007 07:34:00 PST

Drunk Vomit Bass Vs. Hot Diarhea Bass...the debate continues...and starts.

Drunk Vomit Bass - That slow smoothe, but obviously not that smoothe, brotha bass. Think Uncle Rico from Napolean Dynamite. It sounds like a drunk dude trying to look cool in front of his lady, or any...
Posted by Not Dave on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:25:00 PST

Thanks to everyone who looked at shameless animals hump with me yesterday.

I want to thank everyone who made it out for my birthday yesterday. I had a great time and hope you did, too. I was able to find pampers big enough to fit the monkey but he keeps ripping them off and ...
Posted by Not Dave on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:54:00 PST

What I learned from the dirty dirty, besides how to rhyme word with scared and toe with floor.

All important lessons in life can be learned from lyrics of our wordsmiths from the South. Here are a few examples: "I cant stand bitches and hoes/Cause a bitch is a bitch and a hoe gon' hoe,/But a wo...
Posted by Not Dave on Tue, 17 Jul 2007 07:46:00 PST

It's my motherfucking town, you don't like it, get the fuck out!!

I need a town where I am both god and mayor. Mayor McGod. Here's the shit that will be in my town: Porn store - Duh? It's lonely at the top or wherever my weiner goes. Comic book shop - Nerds know wh...
Posted by Not Dave on Sat, 14 Jul 2007 02:56:00 PST

Get me the fuck off this injured testicle!

Before I die I have to get off this planet, any way possible. I need to walk on land that I don't share with celebrities, world leaders, and other people like me. Maybe the Ethiopian space p...
Posted by Not Dave on Tue, 10 Jul 2007 07:09:00 PST

Shave PC's gonads with a sharp stick and set it on fire, your culture sucks, so does mine

There's a great town to pick up available chicks in India call Vrindavan and any idiot that has CNN as their homepage, like me or my dad, actualy, knows why. V-town, as the locals don't call it, ...
Posted by Not Dave on Thu, 05 Jul 2007 03:09:00 PST

More reasons to drop a bomb on whatever state I'm in

I feel like I have said some of this before: The most cowardly thing I have ever did was when I was twelve I had a summer camp girlfriend that I stopped talking to during the year because, hmm, I don'...
Posted by Not Dave on Wed, 27 Jun 2007 06:00:00 PST

This should be enough to buy me a bullet

If the last woman I had sex with got pregnant, I would be buying second grade school supplies at the end of the summer. I once wore one of those retarded Fuct shirts to the Holocaust Museum. In Israel...
Posted by Not Dave on Mon, 25 Jun 2007 08:52:00 PST

Everything I know I've learned from sweaty tattooed social misfits

Hardcore, without a doubt, had a positive affect on my life in that it reinforced certain lessons that my parents and experience has taught me. Here are some examples: Don't believe everything you hea...
Posted by Not Dave on Wed, 20 Jun 2007 08:07:00 PST