circus arts, trad music, commedia, gettin' nekkid, eating fire, hanging upside down like a wombat, trampolines and fast tracks, being lazy, being frenetic, being a wierdo, being sane, being like everyone else, being different, just being.....
I'd like to meet:
The pet store was selling monkeys for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead
monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4
Music:
circus music, trad music, bastardized standards, BOWIE BOWIE BOWIE!!! ANI ANI ANI!!!! arctic monkeys, marketa irglova, regina spektor, iggy pop, massive attack, guillemonts, dead texans, beirut, imogen heap, max richter, tricky, radiohead, the frames, hammell on trial, the beatles, jose gonzales, the sex pistols, quidam. things my friends create. basically anything that doesn't sound like nails on a chalkboard.
Movies:
labyrinth, the neverending story, the harry potter movies, this is britain, capote, elizabeth, a guide to recognizing your saints, la vie en rose, the lives of others, glory, the goonies, the breakfast club, about a boy, saved, nosferatu, in the name of the father, bloody sunday, anything by john waters, pee wee's big adventure, harry potter, napolean dynamite, sideways, best in show, welcome to the dollhouse, the snapper, the van, the committments
Television:
the f word (gordon ramsey, you cunt!), little britain, catherine tate, america's next top model, britain's next top model, anybody's next top model, father ted, spaced, brass eye, time team (i am such a geek), shows about the british aristocracy where they chop off each other's heads, late night infomercials, that show "crossing over" where the guy claims to contact the audience's dead relatives (priceless!!!), anything simple and mindless as i don't like having to think too much
Books:
oh, god. this is an endless, always evolving list. so i'll just name a few authors i consistently love, with no rhyme or reason or in any particular order- edith wharton, david sedaris, j.r.r. tolkien, christopher isherwood, somerset maugham, e.m. forrester, leo tolstoy, edna st. vincent millay, w.b. yeats, j.m. synge, sean o'casey, nick hornby, f. scott fitzgerald, j.k. rowling, edna o'brien, gabriel garcia marquez, augusten burroughs, oscar wilde, iris murdoch, margaret atwood, sylvia plath, carson mccullers, elie weisel, nicolai gogol, hunter s. thompson, shel silverstein
