Phil profile picture

Phil

L'Enfant Terrible

About Me

My dreams are hilarious. And yet, I still get shot down by women in them.

My Interests

Music, Reminiscing about the good ol' days of war crimes, Price 8, pigs, cooking, my dog, oral hygeine, vegetarianism/veganism, pop culture/current events, making stuff up as I go along, protagonizing people, linguistics, social taboos, getting high on lack of sleep, poop, old time religion, male nudity, history, reading.

I'd like to meet:

Nice people. Pirates, Ninjas, and Dentists are welcome.

Music:

I'm tired of trying to explain whom my favorite bands are. Suffice to say that, statistically speaking, you probably haven't heard of them. Also, no, I won't add your band if you send a request. So if you send me a request, I'll know that you didn't read this.

Movies:

Anything irreverent, off-beat, funny, that sort of stuff. i.e. Coen brothers or Monty Python movies. i'm not as into movies as much as, say, my little brother, but I'm still into artsy stuff as well.

Television:

Simpsons, Lost, Oz, Adultswim cartoons (not the Anime ones), Chapelle's Show, The Kids in the Hall, The State, Frontline, Reno 911, The Daily Show, South Park, Monty Python's Flying Circus, West Wing, X-Files, Six Feet Under, The Sopranos, Sex and the City, Curb Your Enthusiasm, TV Funhouse, Wonder Showzen, Mr. Show, Wild Boys, documentaries in general.

Books:

I'm reading the complete works of Shakespeare. For real. God, I am such a nerd.

Heroes:

Adolescent, angst-ridden Jesus who is pissed that he's "this messiah dude." Or maybe I like Jesus's brother better. His name is Steve Christ.

My Blog

Meditations on Booze

I recently had a dream in which I had a  discussion about beer with my mother.  In said exchange, I posited that because most light colored beers taste better with citrus juice added, then p...
Posted by Phil on Thu, 28 Sep 2006 05:57:00 PST

Three Years Now

It's been three years now since any sex has happened (see previous blog entry).  The dry spell is starting to worry me.  Do they (i.e. women) not know how awesome I am? 
Posted by Phil on Sun, 03 Sep 2006 11:36:00 PST

So, about myself...

I once genuinely tried to start an terrorist-style extremist wing within a college volunteering organization but then stupidhead 9/11 made terrorism not as funny as it used to be.  Currently I'm ...
Posted by Phil on Sun, 20 Aug 2006 11:17:00 PST

Suddenly I Can't Stop Getting Jobs

For like 6 months in 2005 I couldn't find a job for the life of me.  Now I'm on my third job of 2006, each one being a step up from the previous one.  The latest one (working for Lab Corp) e...
Posted by Phil on Mon, 06 Mar 2006 10:15:00 PST

My Life as an Unsuccessful Man-Whore

Today marks the 2-year anniversary of my last sexual encounter.  My goal of being a man-whore is getting nowhere fast.   At least this dry spell is shorter than the 23-year one that pre...
Posted by Phil on Fri, 02 Sep 2005 01:48:00 PST

Phil Garrison, Now Featuring a Bad Boy Image, Pt. 2

This past weekend I did something crazy.  I voluntarily admitted myself to the Griffin Memorial Mental Health Care facility, aka the mental ward!  I realize hearing this brings up some que...
Posted by Phil on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Phil Garrison, Now Featuring a Bad Boy Image, Pt. 1

I recently went up to Tulsa for the Plan-It X Fest.  After the show, I met up with my friend Dustin from the Soophie Nun Squad along with several other kids from various bands.  We were goin...
Posted by Phil on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST