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J –

J –

About Me

Fun Facts: I am a 32-year-old former journalist and I've just had my first novel published. I’m of average height and perpetually thin, which, as far as I can tell, would only benefit me if I were involved in a plane crash somewhere in the mountains and, upon being stranded, the surviving passengers decided to turn to cannibalism. (I'm thin enough to be eaten last.) I enjoy sadomasochistic relationships of the emotional variety, and to achieve the proper level of suffering, I have been known to date Baptists, who I have nothing in common with. The girls I date have parents who sometimes think I am the anti-Christ, and they tell anyone who is willing to listen that I roam the Earth seeking whom I may devoir. I smoke, drink, and have successfully, perhaps permanently, altered my brain chemistry to be dependant on caffeine. I do not donate blood, even though it may save lives, for this very reason. I could probably sell my plasma as a narcotic. I'm a cynical journalist by trade, a coffee-shop pain poet by necessity, a humorist by nature, a writer by habit, and a dreamer by choice. In fact, I am both haunted and driven by dreams. I've only ever been in love once, and I carry her name with me like a secret burden. If I were a character on Lost, I’d be Locke. I wish I were Jack, but I’m not. I believe in fate, and I sometimes struggle to understand my role in it. In religion, I believe more in the power of philosophy than in doctrine because philosophy encourages you to think and discover truths, whereas doctrine doesn’t since it assumes you already know the answers. I’m hooked on phonics.

My Blog

Calls from beyond

It's just after midnight and I can't sleep because the urge to write has claimed me. And yet, as evidenced by this introductory paragraph, everything I'm writing is utter crap. Is that ironic, as Alan...
Posted by J  on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:52:00 PST

List price

This is an interesting sales strategy. List price? Fuck the list price. Try THAT technique the next time you hold a garage sale.    ...
Posted by J  on Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:20:00 PST

33

I've learned a lot in my 33 years of life, mostly through the repeated act of fucking up. But at least I walked away with some wisdom, right? Hard-won wisdom. Yes indeedy. So, here's a quick rundown o...
Posted by J  on Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:47:00 PST

Id rather be Kevin Smith

Today is going to be a boring day. I'm charged with writing elements of a marketing piece for my college, and then, once completed, I have to write a staff manual that will likely never be read by my ...
Posted by J  on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 06:26:00 PST

Insomnia and Kung Fu Karls Illustrated Adventure!

It's 5 a.m. and I'm up after suffering from one of those dreams where you're falling from a great height, mildly curious about how you got there in the first place, but mostly panic stricken because, ...
Posted by J  on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 03:11:00 PST

Keep reading

This is why, in the newspaper business, you should read until the end. ...
Posted by J  on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 06:46:00 PST

The "N-word"

Thanks to Don Imus and Seinfeld's Michael Richards, the dreaded "N-word" and other racially-charged slurs came back into the forefront of media attention not too long ago. Remember the woeful apologie...
Posted by J  on Wed, 11 Jul 2007 07:38:00 PST

Transformers

I went and saw Transformers over the Fourth with my friend, Mel, and I loved every stupid, mindless moment of it. I've read a few reviews, mostly ranging from Bs and Cs, which focused on plot and char...
Posted by J  on Mon, 09 Jul 2007 07:41:00 PST

Al Qaeda weighs in

Ummm... ...
Posted by J  on Mon, 09 Jul 2007 08:51:00 PST

No thanks

You know, spammers, if I wanted a free iPod, cell phone, Xbox or Playstation 3, I'd say something along the lines of, "shit, I really wish there were some way of getting a free iPod, cell phone, Xbox ...
Posted by J  on Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:53:00 PST