About Me
The Handgun Ballet. Like a giant syphilitic sore on your girlfriend's pussy, like being told you've won the lottery, but all the money has been dumped into the bottom of a pit full of excrement and the shredded remains of everyone you ever loved; The Handgun Ballet, like being fucked by Vanilla Ice, and then being charged for doing so, The Handgun Ballet, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest thing you're likely to hear from a French Guido with a love for internet blogging.
To describe THB [brrrap!] you first have to understand where we came from; a young pair of kids growing up in the rough and ready ghettos of California, Dugan, or as he liked to be called, Big Pappa Lazaru, always dreamed of being a boxer, or at the very least a professional wrestler. Unfortunately for BPL, he was small and contracted a rare disease known as Stuffallyacockinmaanus which rendered him homosexual from the waist down. The disease did not hinder poor BPL though, as he turned his sights to less loftier futures, like being a musician. Molly aka PokeyMolz experimented with drugs and alcohol at an early age and decided to first trying an acting career which began and ended as a stand in for Dulph Lundgren during one scene of The Punisher. She then set her heart on becoming an Olympic skier, but completely sucked harder than her mum did to keep bread on the table. The world seemed desolate and bleak to little Lazaru and Molly, they had no place in the world; and all the prettier, bigger, stronger, cooler boys and girls mocked their parachute pants and tight vest tops.
BUT! Fate once more cracked his mighty knuckles on the two kids, Molly was whoring herself again to pay for her playboy addiction and came arcoss BPL. She offered him a handjob for a nickel, he accepted, and while she jerked him off they came up with the idea of making a band. Molly punched him in his tiny dick for letting him type that shit. A few days passed and PokeyMolz realized Lazaru had all the musical talent of a myopic squid being slowly masticated by a swarm of retarded blind ants(yeah you fucks, I went there). This however was only a minor set-back as the two had the most triumphant idea of creating an actual band and therefor justifying their filthy, noisy, mother-hating nonsense. We also invented myspace, emo kids and b3wbs.
BOW TO US!
The Handgun Ballet sounds like Darth Vader having a bath with Obi Wan taking a piss into the toilet next to him. It's like seeing your mum's first porno tape, and realizing just how hot your mum is. THB is all about being up in yo' ass, and YOU'RE all about letting us be up there.
P.S - I'm a cheap mother fucker. Buy our shirts.
[so please give us some money, so we can get grillz ]
THB Sheep shirt $12.00. Cash only bitches. We only got 50 left.
The Handgun Ballet has 432 friends.
