I'm The J Man! That is all...
Music! and video games
adopt your own virtual pet!
FUZZY LLAMA!!!!
Billy Sheehan, Les Claypool, Victor Wooten, Sam Totman, ZP Theart, Vadim Pruzhanov, Fred Leclercq, Dave Mackintosh, Samuel L. Motherfuckin Jackson, Buckethead, Ozzy Ozbourne, Shigeru Miyamoto, BloodNinja, David Anez, Chuck Norris, Stephen Lynch, Jet Li, Dane Cook, Robin Williams, Bruce Cambell, Brian Posehn, Kevin Smith, BRIAN PEPPERS, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Loyd Kaufman, Michael Herz, and Peter Jackson *not for his Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but for his old gorey films*
People I'd like to meet that are no longer living: Randy Rhoads, and Bruce Lee
Fictional Characters: Bob and Captain Disco of course, The Milkman, he is the milkman, his milk is delicious. The Toxic Avenger, Superman so he can stab me in the eye with a spoon, Spawn, Batman, Bill Rizer AKA Mad-dog, Kratos the God of War, Blockhead, Mega Man, Dracula, Frankenstein, Alien Hominid, Booger Man, Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Robotnik, King Hippo, Soda Popinski, TETSUOOOOOOO!, and a bunch more
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: The J Man
Birthday: Nine months after my parents did the naughty
Birthplace: Some hospital that smelled of cat urine
Current Location: Right here, watching your every move *shifty eyes*
Eye Color: Pisswater Blue
Hair Color: Shitstained Blonde
Height: 6'1
Right Handed or Left Handed: I use my buttcheeks, my hands were lost in an unfortunate lawn-mower accident involving bees
Your Heritage: Circus Carnie
The Shoes You Wore Today: Space shoes, look Ma i'm a space man!
Your Weakness: Midgets with axes
Your Fears: A tap-dancing spider with poka-dotted panties singing My Chemical Romance songs
Your Perfect Pizza: With a little "extra" on the top ;)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Making it into the toilet
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Score" and "I got an idea"
Thoughts First Waking Up: I didn't piss the bed did I?
Your Best Physical Feature: My deformed groin that looks like Richard Simmon's head
Your Bedtime: As soon as I bang your Mom
Your Most Missed Memory: Using my hands to jerk-off, DAMN THAT LAWN-MOWER ACCIDENT!
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.....aine?
MacDonalds or Burger King: The king and the clown both want me so it's a tie
Single or Group Dates: I dunno how well my right and left ass cheek would feel together in the same date...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: A spot of old-fashioned tea ought to do the trick I say! Get's my bowels moving every time
Chocolate or Vanilla: Ass cream? Um, mixture
Cappuccino or Coffee: JAVA JAVA JAVA JAVA!
Do you Smoke: I don't think so, but my floor is exploding and there's evil spiders all around me so I could be wrong
Do you Swear: Cod-found this new-fangled flibbit gibbit, I can't dang-darn-diddly work it
Do you Sing: I can sing the "I Have Crabs, You Have Crabs" song
Do you Shower Daily: No, only once a week in the when the garbage man comes by so I can bathe in his garbage
Have you Been in Love: With that sexy person in the mirror, I can't figure out how to get to it though...
Do you want to go to College: The University of Butthole Hill
Do you want to get Married: With that person in the mirror, but I just CAN'T figure out how to get to it's world
Do you belive in yourself: Yes, and if I believe hard enough I pop a boner!
Do you get Motion Sickness: When watching your parents screw eachother. It's like a bad car accident, so horrible yet you can't look away
Do you think you are Attractive: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay!
Are you a Health Freak: I make sure to wash up with extra bacon in my soap
Do you get along with your Parents: Yeah... what? Huh, you wanted random? Too bad dammit
Do you like Thunderstorms: I go out every time and attach some foil to my schlong in hopes to get a "sexual charge"
Do you play an Instrument: Myself and my sexy bass
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I am sho not drunk *burp*... In reality no
In the past month have you Smoked: See that whole bit about the exploding floor and evil spiders
In the past month have you been on : *see above* In all honesty nothing
In the past month have you gone on a Date: my ass cheeks kept beating the shit out of eachother so it was a disaster
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Remember that story about the guy with a chainsaw on the news? Uh... yeah
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I've eaten a box of condoms, does that count?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: It looks like a tire, why would you want to eat a tire? *goes and eats a car tire*
In the past month have you been on Stage: Oh yes, dancing and frolicking about naked is... what I do... best. Oh you meant a performance stage, well um yeah.........
In the past month have you been Dumped: Well, this fat guy ate me and I ended up in his toilet so I would assume so...
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Yeah, but the neighbors went blind and I got sued
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: A rubber duck, some super glue, a life size model of Paris Hilton and a cardboard cut-out of Mike Tyson... Do not ask what I intend to do with them
Ever been Drunk: Din't you jush ashk thish *hic* *see above for answer*
Ever been called a Tease: No, but if I put on a bra and pink panties I might
Ever been Beaten up: I get in fight with retard, but he beat me bad and now i not smart and we not so smart, but we friend now so it good...
Ever Shoplifted: I stole a shopping kart from a bum that he shoplifted so does that count?
How do you want to Die: In a blaze of glory battling midgets with axes as they orbit around an ultimately evil being!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A gynecoligist! Or a game designer, can't decide.... SO HARD!
What country would you most like to Visit: Your Mom, she's so fat they made her a country now
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Pisswater Blue
Favourite Hair Color: Shitstain Blonde or brown
Short or Long Hair: Long and shaggy all around, chest, head, butt, wherever!
Height: Three-hundred feet tall so I could have her smash all who oppose me!
Weight: Enough to be able to smash things and stuff...
Best Clothing Style: Blood-stained Psycho-ward clothing, it shows me she's not afraid to express herself :)
Number of I have taken: Wha the fuck are you smoking, number of what? you make head hurt now J MAN SMASH!
Number of CDs I own: Every single CD on how to masturbate perfectly for the most pleasure and one that says that talking to your winky will relax you as you piss
Number of Piercings: This one time, I sat on a thumbtack and left it there. Eventually I pierced out "My ass rocks" on my ass hehehehe entirely out of thumb tacks of course
Number of Tattoos: This one badass tattoo of Bill Cosby on my ass. Look! He's offering you some pudding ;)
Number of things in my Past I Regret: That time I went to the circus and didn't hit on the clown, she was hot and could twist some MEAN animal ballons. Just thinking of how flexible those fingers are *drools*
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
.."350" ..
3 Inches of Blood, 8 Bit Weapon, All That Remains, Amon Amarth, Anthrax, Arch Enemy, As Blood Runs Black, As I Lay Dying, Avenged Sevenfold, Beastie Boys, Black Sabbath, Buckethead, Cannibal Corpse, Children of Bodom, Chimaira, ChthoniC, Cradle of Filth, Deicide, Demoniac, Dethklok, Dimmu Borgir, Disturbed, DRAGONFORCE!!!, Edguy, Finntroll, Five Finger Death Punch, Gogol Bordello, Gorillaz, GWAR, Heavenly, Hellion Sounds, Hellyeah, HORSE the Band, Immortal, Iron Maiden, King Diamond, KoRn, Lamb of God, Limp Bizkit, Lordi, Lost Horizon, Masterplan, Mastodon, MC Chris, Megadeth, MegaDriver, Mercyful Fate, Metallica, Mudvayne, NESkimos, Opeth, Ozzy Osbourne, Pantera, Primus, Psychostick, Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Reel Big Fish, Rhapsody, Richard Cheese, Rob Zombie, S.S.H, Sanctity, Scatman John, Shadow Warriors, Shadows Fall, Skindred, Sonata Arctica, Stephen Lynch, Steve Vai, Stormwarrior, Strapping Young Lad, Stratovarius, Suicidal Tendencies, Symphony X, System of a Down, Tenacious D, The Black Mages, The Offspring, The Protomen, Trivium, UneXpect, Warmen, Weird Al Yankovic, White Zombie, Yngwie Malmsteen, YTMND, and a shitload more
Top 5 are:
1. DRAGONFORCE!!!!!
2. Five Finger Death Punch
3. Primus
4. Buckethead
5. Bal-Sagoth
Orgazmo, Bubba Ho-Tep, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Good Burger, Jackass 2, The Toxic Avenger 1 and 4, Class of Nuke 'Em High, South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut, Team America World Police, Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Aristocrats, Bad Taste, Grandma's Boy, Riki-OH, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, The Warriors, Dead Alive, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Baseketball, Pirates of the Carribean, Billy Madison, Little Nicky, Porky's, Akira, The Big Lebowski, All Evil Dead Movies, Austin Powers Series, Billy Madison, Big Daddy, Swordfish, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, Shrek, Harry and the Hendersons, Van Helsing, All Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movies, IT, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Neverending Story, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks, Mall Rats, Chasing Amy, Dogma and so many more.....
Code Monkeys and Metalocalypse
Meh, I barely read now.
Most of my friends, and that one guy... yeah that guy.