If I dont have a steak at least once a week I get the overwhelming urge to beat the shit out of emo kids. I go to KFC and get lunch just because PETA told me not to. I think people are generally worthless, so if I give you the time of day, it means you ain't, worthless that is, but what the fuck does my opinion matter? I dont trust people with agendas, this includes: Republicans, Democrats, PETA, christians, Greenpeace, gun control morons, pro-lifers, libertarians, hippies, the government, Sesame Street, religious extremists, Starbucks, MADD, telemarketers, Fox News Channel, you get the idea. People who tell me I have a drinking problem are just jealous.
I got funny hair and tattoos and people like to call me Johnny Bravo, which I can kind of see, and Vanilla Ice, which I really cant. I tried to join the Marine Corps but got turned down because I have too many tattoos, I guess if youre gonna kill people for Uncle Sam you gotta look presentable doing it.
I love my cat Hellvis. Hellvis started out as an energetic ball of fuzz and turned into a furry fat fuck. Im proud of him though, hes been eating indoor, weight control formula and hes getting trimmer, it would help if he didnt lay around all day like a fuckin lump, I worry Im gonna come home and have to cut him out of the comforter on the bed because his molecules began to absorb into it. To those I call friends, you know there is nothing I wouldnt do for ya. Oh yeah and I have an unhealthy obsession with Jagermiester.