About Me

I have a list that I add names to all the time. Are you on it? You'd better hope not!

My Interests

Building robots with chainsaw arms. Filling up balloons with kerosene and placing them in my launcher. That's right, I'm planning a wedding.

I'd like to meet:

No one, are you a complete moron? Here, why don't you meet my fist!

Hot News Story: Tonight at 11

Music:

I just got into this sweet metal subgenre called Banshee-Core. Give it a listen.

Movies:

Something where one dude kicks the other dude in the face, and then goes wee wee on his lifeless body.

Television:

Cops

Books:

No book is complete without a beheading!

Heroes:

Jerks, A-holes, Weinerheads.

My Blog

Low tide has a distinct smell.

"You know, I've never been to the ocean." "What? You can't be serious." "No, it's true; I've never been." "But it's just west of us, about 100 miles." "Yeah I know, but I don't really have the ur...
Posted by Matthew is not funny on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 12:07:00 PST

Pop and Happenstance

"Hey man, how the hell are ya?""Uh, hanging in there," said Ben as he kicked the ground. "What have you been up to?""Not too much man. Just got me this sweet new camera.""That's a pretty snazzy camera...
Posted by Matthew is not funny on Sat, 04 Aug 2007 01:17:00 PST