Poshmat

I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist; only a realist. The glass is not half empty, nor is it half full. It is fully occupied by both the liquid and the gas of our atmosphere, each with the same volume. However, it is highly improbable that a human with mere visual perception alone would be able to place the liquid in such a glass with enough precision as to not exceed exactly half of the glass's capacity. The shape of a typical drinking glass is also very imperfect at a microscopic level, thus making it even more difficult to determine the level at which exactly 50% of the glass's capacity would be consumed by the liquid. Therefore, if you are ever confronted by a person holding a drinking glass partially filled with a liquid and asked to postulate whether it is half empty or half full, you need only punch the individual's face.

Oh, and my page should only be viewed with the Firefox web browser. Why? If you have to ask, you must be in dire need of education. I will happily educate you if you ask nicely!

Quotes

"I make french toast as though I were a french toast making demon whose only purpose after being spawned by satan was to prepare fench toast for him... EVERY MORNING." -Jacob to Liz-
"Oh my god! It's like you are an interdimensional weight-lifting entity that travels from dimension to dimension to lift various objects!" -Jacob to Spencer-
"God, I don't really want to walk home from school today... Hmm, perhaps I can make it more enjoyable by rolling home instead. What do you think?" -Jacob to Judi-
"If you suddenly began levitating above your bed while slowly rotating and muttering blasphemy, I believe your mother would immediately fetch three priests and a nude fireman to excorcise you." -Jacob to Valerie-
"Jacob, you're not a man. You're not a man until you can penetrate a cat's anus with a bullet." -Spencer to Jacob-
"I don't like blondes. They give me the desire to kill. They make me want to pick up living things and squeeze them until they're not living any longer." -Jacob to Spencer-
Spencer: "Jake! Fuckin' Priarie Dog! (Jake then fails to realize that the prairie dog is obliviously sitting on the highway soon enough to allow himself to change lanes and run over it.) Jake: "Fuckin' A! God damn it! I should've——FUCK!" -Spencer and Jacob driving on Highway 50-
Spencer: "They give you too much ramen seasoning in those little packets. I only use about half." Jacob: "I used to think that you were masculinity personified... Now I have my doubts." -Spencer and Jacob discussing the manliness of using all of the Ramen seasoning-
"I don't sodomize, I strategize!" -Jacob partially intoxicated by wine, discussing... some strange thing with Elysia and Rachel-
"If your high school teacher really wanted to help you learn, he'd give you a pistol and tell you to go out and fight crime. And by 'fight crime,' I mean shoot a Mexican." -Jacob Discussing the importance of high school education with Trissa-
Jacob: "You know me, I'm trying new things all the time. *pauses* Don't say I don't try new foods. That's a lot more dangerous." Elysia: "Right, because it's much safer to take risks with the emotional wellbeing of another than to put something in your mouth that you might not like." -Elysia and I Discussing the big difference between trying new foods, and engaging in new relationships.-

If you are a wild bunny, and you happen to be unfortunate enough to be captured by me, expect yourself to be launched from a plastic garbage bin and photographed.

... ..