I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise profile picture

I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise

Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers failed, what does that tell us about God?

About Me

i'm ugly yet sexy in a getting fat sort of way. i like fish cakes and ice cream sundaes but i hate fish sticks and ice cream sandwiches..... i love Corey Feldman movies but i can't fucking stomach Corey Haim flicks. i hate soap in the pee pee.... at a young age I developed a serious case of the "I don't give a fucks", and i've been known to drink to the point of exhaustion thus leading to projectile vomiting. I think I have been calming down lately, as I now no longer chew on light bulbs. Bat shit crazy freaks bring a smile to my face.... Oh and I now laugh maniacally in my sleep at least once a week.

My Interests

Motogp racing (the worlds best on the world fastest 2 wheeled machines), strong drink and excessive tobacco smoking, saving farts in zip-lock bags and leaving them around the house for my roomates un-suspecting friends to find, open, then gag.... I also have an underlying video game addiction thats developing like full blown AIDS....

I'd like to meet:

His Holiness the 14th Dali Lama of Tibet... and push him to the point of reacting back with violence..
adopt your own virtual pet!width="425" height="350" ..

Music:

Alkaline Trio, UnderOath, Tool, Pusifer, Rage Against the Machine, Taking Back Sunday, Weezer, Metallica, Pantera, Aesop Rock, Citizen Cope, Gnarls Barkley, The Keepaway, A Static Lullaby, Atreyu, Bad Religion, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Deftones, Senses Fail, Kayne West, The Rolling Stones, Saves The Day, Interpol, Glass Jaw, Head Automatica, System Of A Down, K-Os, FEFF, Against Me!, Coldplay, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Smiths, The Cure, Thursday, Brand New, Alice In Chains, The Notorious B.I.G, Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, The Dan Band... dude this list could go on for fucking ever

Movies:

Faster, The Doctor The Tornado and The Kentucky Kid (should have added Hopkins name to that title but who the fuck am I?),Crusty Demons of Dirt 1-3, Fight Club, Platoon, Black Hawk Down, 28 Days Later, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Full Metal Jacket, Memento, Requim for a Dream, Magnolia, The Machinist, Clerks, Clerks 2, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Caddyshack, Animal House, The Big Lebowski, The Goonies, The Silence of the Lambs, Jackass, Garden State, I Spit On Your Grave, Apocolypse Now, The Shining, Gunner Palace, Jacobs Ladder, A Clockwork Orange, Anchorman,The Kingdom, Transformers, Gummo, Shaving Ryans Privates ... thats enough for now ..

Television:

Fuck TV THIS IS WHAT WET DREAMS ARE MADE OF....

Books:

Chuck Palahniuk (especially Fight Club but not Haunted),anything by Irving Welsh, Hunter S. Thompson, Albert Camus and Bret Easton Ellis, Stephen King, Clive Barker, All them Dirty picture books

Heroes:

Valentino Rossi aka Il Doctore, aka The Doctor, aka Valentik aka, The fastest man on 2 fucking wheels, John "Hopper" Hopkins, "Anybody who could ride a 500cc GP motorcycle well enough to qualify on a Grand Prix grid is a hero, Anybody! because these things are the most evil devices if you treat them wrong they will bite"...Julian Ryder quote from the motogp documentary Faster. .......Bambi...(what a stag he turned into)....Jack Burton, Tyler Durden, Mike "the Beaver Cleaver" Seaver, Buddy Lembeck, Detective Dillon Stewart and Police Officer Daniel Enchautegui....OPIE AND ANTHONY AND LITTLE JIMMY NORTON...and now Dustin " 10 inch monster" Diamond..... 10 inches

My Blog

Sick Notes

These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district.Spellings have been left intact.1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.2. Please exku...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 09:51:00 PST

Stupid Courtroom Statements

Courtroom HumorThese gems are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had ...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Fri, 16 Feb 2007 07:46:00 PST

ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.3. Gun wounds again?4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.5. A normal person wouldn't steal pitu...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 10:51:00 PST

shitty facial hair

let me be the first to say that I do not fall into this catagory thanks to an Italian gene that allows me to grow facial hair at an alarming rate, and if I happen to offend anyone with this rant then ...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 08:48:00 PST

9/11

So today is the 5th anniversary of 9/11, which just happens to coincide with the 28th anniversary of me....whew what a weird day this has become, if I celebrate I look like an asshole and if I mope I ...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Mon, 11 Sep 2006 01:04:00 PST

1st blog

so this is my first ever blog, so if you see spelling mistakes you can suck my... errr, lick my..... mmmm, how about kiss my sweaty balls. I just got back from getting lunch and I witnessed the crazie...
Posted by I Am Jacks Complete Lack of Surprise on Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:07:00 PST