Werner Sucks profile picture

Werner Sucks

Up Yours, Hideous!

About Me



I was spawned in the hellfires of New Orleans, and I've caused more damage in that city than any damn hurricane ever could. I've lived here, there, and everywhere in between, and I have the names, faces, and bastard children to prove it. I have the gift of filterless speech. I call things like I see them and don't apologize for it; yet I remain harmless. I'll correct your grammar with no questions and then invent words at the drop of dime. I like to kiss people when they least expect it. I've never met a dollar drink that was too expensive and never ate a 10-cent chicken wing that was not truly scrumptious. I have no affinity for magicians but have plenty for chalk-faced, gold-plated whores. Don't play me a song if I'm not expected to sing along. If you pronounce my name in anything other than an authentic german accent, feel free to fuck directly off!!! Actually...perhaps you should just fuck off anyway!!!

My Interests

$1 Drinks, 10 cent wings, and dancing!! Horror movies--slasher movies, in particular!!

I'd like to meet:

Phoebe Cates Meg Tilly

Jessica Lange Kim Basinger Jamie Lee Curtis Kathleen Beller

Ray Lovelock

Nastassja Kinski Hugh Dancy

, , Traci Lords , Asia Argento , and SHARON MUTHA-FUCKIN' STONE.

Music:

Three-minute, electric guitar-based pop songs with la-la-la's, handclaps, maracas, and tambourines--or Tough-Ass Pussy Pop, as I like to call it. T Rex, Beulah, Jason Falkner, The Ramones, Suede, Silver Sun, Love Nut, Eric Bradford VanAusdal, The Waking Hours, Possum Dixon, box-o-car, The Apples in Stereo, Crunchy, Flop, Pixies, Self, Queen, The Wildhearts, The Cold, ELO, Redd Kross, Sweet, Double Naught Spies, The Cars, Badfinger, Cheap Trick, Red Planet, Nirvana, The Shazam, Evelyn Forever, Jellyfish, OK GO, The Go-Go's, Manda and the Marbles, Lifter, Brendan Benson, The Katies, Coward, Silver Ginger 5, Holy Hand Grenade, The Boomtown Rats, Cotton Mather, Loud Lucy, TubeTop.

Movies:


The Thing (1982), Halloween H20, The Manitou, Lifeforce, Soul Man, The Lost, Grandma's Boy, May, Something Wild, Married to the Mob, Silence of the Lambs, Fierce Creatures, Terminal Velocity, Cobra, Freddy Got Fingered Superstition
Can't Hardly Wait, Josie and the Pussycats, Monkey Shines, Re-Animator, The Company of Wolves, Hexed, Seed of Chucky, History of the World Part I, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, The Chronicles of Riddick, What's Up Doc, Bubble Boy
The Legend of Boggy Creek, Little Darlings, Real Genius, Night of the Comet, Stripes, The Punisher (2004), The Hitcher, It's Pat, Night of the Creeps, Marnie
The Last American Virgin, The Goonies, The Monster Squad, Get Crazy, Dressed to Kill, Heaven Help Us, Wetherby, Shallow Ground, Inside Moves, Deep in the Woods
The Black Marble, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter, Shy People, Wrong Turn, Tango & Cash, Beerfest, The Stoned Age
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Funny Games (1997), Funny Games U.S., Dazed and Confused
Fear No Evil, The Exterminating Angel, Revenge, The Blob (1988), Kicking and Screaming (1995), Deep Blue Sea, Lake Placid, Jaws 2, Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, The Spirit of '76, Mallrats, Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Suburban Nightmare, ...And God Spoke, Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, Evilspeak, Bay of Blood, Hide and Creep, Day of the Woman, Dog Soldiers
Rock 'N' Roll High School, Harold and Maude, I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Mad Max 2, Detroit Rock City, Used Cars, Rat Race, The 4th Man, The Descent
Midnight Madness, Breakdown, Jeepers Creepers 2, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), Body Snatchers, Cat People (1982), Terror Train
Up the Academy, Peur sur la Ville, Basic Instinct 2, Spider Baby: or the Maddest Story Ever Told, Zodiac, Copycat, Heathers, Sorority Boys, Tromeo and Juliet, Paris Texas, Hell Night
My Life's in Turnaround, Phenomena, Sliver, Zombi 2, Broken Lizard's Club Dread, Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula, Valley Girl The Sure Thing, Friday the 13th Part 2, House of the Dead, The Brood, Pecker, Massacre at Central High, Freaked, The Omen (1976)
Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV, Jack Frost (1996), Rampage, The Guardian (1990), L.A. Confidential, Le Samourai, Le Cercle Rouge, Un Flic, Purple Noon, Joy Ride, Where the Boys Are (1960), Frostbite, Waiting...
The House on Sorority Row, License to Drive, The Chocolate War, The Convent, Happy Campers, The New Kids, Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows, Miracle Mile, Detention (1998), Up the Creek, Monster Man, Boogie Nights
The Wind, Secret Admirer, Decoys, Joysticks, See No Evil (1971), Ginger Snaps Legend, Blue Velvet, Showgirls, A Midnight Clear, New York Minute, Blood Simple and Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me.

Television:

Angel, Battlestar Galactica (2004), Dexter, Dirt, 10 Items or Less, Drive, Sons and Daughters, Trailer Park Boys, Heroes, 30 Rock, Psych, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Wonderfalls, Starved, Firefly, Popular, Roswell, Smallville, Supernatural, Coupling, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, The Loop, Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, Nip/Tuck, American Gothic, Blade: The Series, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 24, Alias, Prison Break, Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Veronica Mars, Tru Calling, Keen Eddie, Strange, Melrose Place, Beverly Hills 90210 (The Shannen Years), The Young Ones, Spaced, The State, Square Pegs, Moonlighting, Entourage, Huff, and Weeds.

Books:

Influence: Science and Practice by Robert B. Cialdini, Underneath It All: Traci Lords, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, The Making of Exorcist II: The Heretic by Barbara Pallenberg, Profondo Argento by Alan Jones, Me Talk Pretty One Day by Dave Sedaris, The Creature Features Movie Guide by John Stanley, The Encyclopedia of Horror Movies by Phil Hardy, John Carpenter: Prince of Darkness by Gilles Boulenger, Filmmaking on the Fringe: The Good, the Bad, and the Deviant Directors by Maitland McDonagh, and Leonard Maltin's Video Movie Guide (a truly orgiastic pisser with which I MUST consistently contend).

Heroes:

Alain Delon
Sam Peckinpah
Russ Meyer

David Lynch
Lucio Fulci
Joe Dante
Bob Clark
Tobe Hooper
Andy Warhol Tom Savini Mel Brooks John Carpenter Wes Craven George A. Romero Brian DePalma David Cronenberg Dario Argento John Waters