I forgot to grow up, but all the trappings of adult life came my way anyway, and so while I may be, in some twisted fashion, a child at heart, I'm a cynical, bitter, and pessimistic one, hunched over in the control center of my being, shifty eyes looking left, right, left again, and then behind. Yet I still retain the capacity to dream and plan things as though I were not pessimistic and as though things like karma and wishes exist. Or maybe I didn't forget at all but had one too many peeks at a world where money runs one's life on the weekdays, and weekends are sacrificed to the gods of physical and mental recuperation: the couch and television.
Given the chance I'd build vast fortresses, spaceships, and towns with Legos; catch tadpoles, lizards, and caterpillars (only to release them); and write novels (I have a problem with keeping my stories brief) and call it a perfect use of my time and a satisfying living. Throw in some more "adult" pursuits like hiking, geocaching, traveling, cooking, and gardening and I'd never step off that ride except maybe to gather more companions for the trip because the company is more important than the destination.
Survey time!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Matt.
Birthday: August 19.
Birthplace: Burbank, wherever that is.
Current Location: The San Fernando Valley of Death. Does the actual circle of Hell really matter?
Eye Color: Brown, with maybe a ripple of hazel.
Hair Color: Brown with red highlights when I venture out into the light from that big bright thing in the sky.
Height: 180.34cm.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right.
Your Heritage: I'm a white, lower-middle class American. I have no heritage.
Your Weakness: Being touched in the hollow where my head and neck meet. And flowing water. I get that deer-in-the-headlights look.
Your Fears: I fear nothing until it actually happens.
Your Perfect Pizza: As long as it's greasy and salty. It needs to shave a few days of my life (preferably from the end) in order to be good pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Finding the largest and tallest redwoods with only a few photographs and sentences written about them as clues. Yes, I need a life.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh fuck, it's light out.
Your Best Physical Feature: Esophagus. It works pretty well.
Your Bedtime: Whenever. As long as it's still dark.
Your Most Missed Memory: What? If it's a memory I miss, then it must be lost. If it's lost, how can I describe it?
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Pepsi has too many syllables.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Stomach Pump.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: See above.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Both. Vanilla if I must choose. If I need to, I'll just add chocolate when your back is turned.
Cappuccino or Coffee: There's a difference?
Do you Smoke: Not yet.
Do you Swear: On what? The Bible? You want to qualify my sincerity with a bestseller? Fuck you.
Do you Sing: When no one can hear. Carry a tune? They're heavy.
Do you Shower Daily: Yes. Smog, dried sweat, and discarded skin cells go a long way toward engendering a feeling of filthiness.
Have you Been in Love: No. Supposedly I'm supposed to love myself first, but have not received a satisfactory explanation as to why.
Do you want to go to College: I've been to college. It sucked. So yes, I want to go back.
Do you want to get Married: Why is "married" capitalized and not "yourself" in the question after this one?
Do you belive in yourself: Aside from blurry footage and tracks, there is no proof of my existence.
Do you get Motion Sickness: My eyes are to shifty for that.
Do you think you are Attractive: No.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Do I breathe?
In the past month have you Smoked: Does smog count?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: As opposed to what, breathing, drinking, and eating pure things? Insert favorite textual representation of derisive laughter here.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: If by a month the question means six years, then yes. Sort of.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: And lived?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Unless a fish worked it's way into my breakfast of plastic-wrapped Maruchan ramen, no.
Ever been called a Tease: No. I deliver. If I say I'll do it, I will. If I haven't, don't let me go until I do!
Ever been Beaten up: Someone tried, but I defeated him by pressing him against a fence. Hey, it was the fifth grade.
Ever Shoplifted: Yes. Gum. My sister and I were given a stern talking-to by the store security person.
How do you want to Die: When those that love me are ready to let me go, including myself. Make sure I rot in the wilderness! That goes for you!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Ask me again when I finish this arcane process of "growing up."
What country would you most like to Visit: Those unspoiled by the hand of he who shits in his nest.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: What, even irises must bow before this color business?
Favourite Hair Color: Natural.
Short or Long Hair: Whatever makes you nod in satisfaction when looking into a mirror.
Height: If you don't cower in my shadow, I won't cower in yours.
Best Clothing Style: See my answer to the hair length question.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I'm not counting
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
