Hellooow Lad.... Oh Hellow Las!!WATS THAT NOISE......Can you hear it? just hear that?!?!? ohhhh its beer calling!!! just a short and sweet introduction, Im Willy Hardon, i am pucking real.Willy Hardons latest exploits have been nothing short of absolutly exceptional...his latest attempt of a 'few' quiet drinks ended, emphattically, with him comotosed by a bin vomiting, classic stuff, hes quite simply a natural. Allthough Vomiting after a session is out of character for ardon, due to his liqure jar supping abilites, he was left stunned by his spewing up caper. Finally, on a serious note Willy has been running his mouth, for days, weeks and months proclaiming he is the best darter in k-town, his constant bragging earned him the name of ' The Laycock Lip ' but after he virtually destroyed all comers in a darts competition at Goose Eye, the lads decided to name him 'One Dart' aka prime-time aka the pressure player aka Mr. Turkey Inn. Willy used his razor sharpe awareness to literally humiliate everyone, only Finny O' Connor manager to get a good game out of him but willy played an accurate arrow under the barrell to take the £7.50 prize fund. Reyt as you already know when the premiership started again last month, i took my own time and strung together some, extremely detailed, well constructed charts and graphs with will cover all the stats from every single minute, of evry single premiership game recording stuff like, Ariel Battles won, yards covered, and so on, these vital statiastics and in depth analysis have since, been uploaded to the internet for public consumption. the pie charts went down an absolute treat but the crazy graph showed accurate readings. Now im getting hungry so will have to stop writing shortly, i mite put a pizza in, same as last nite, pepperoni, which i ate with undescribeable pleasure. not fucking half i did!. it must be the ale last nite where all the lads landed at pilkys for a party, all of the top boys landed, e.g me. Reyt not only do i lug darts with devostating effect, but also a dab hand on the football pitch, naturally im a nippy winger, like to beat a man, i have ran so many full back and turned them inside out with my glittering array of talent, tricks and pace. Not only a real jet-heeled wide man, but ive got more to my game, i commond respect on the pitch, often shout, demand the ball and dish orders out... i can also operate in a sitting midfield roll, being the anchor man, holding play up aswell as playing cameo rolls up front, bagging a few goals along the way, and as i say, theres not a penalty on this earth that i will not calmy slot away.im always running tings, bossing the job as i say but now, im not blowing my own trumpet here, but i am without doubt, the best plasterer in keighley, simple as, plenty of people will vouch for that one includeing the best builder in skipton as im on his pay roll. Not bragging but my rendering and dashing is up to scratch and all. Get Down! Aye, Grand. Today is Finnys 23rd B-day to a major shout to him and the liqure jars are on yours truely today sunshine. HELLOWWW LADDSSS LOVE YOU ALL.Now then im new to this myspace fing but i have arrived due to popular public demand wanting willy hardon to land on myspace.The Pics from the digi cam will be uploaded soon for public consumption, the state of the art cam belongs to Finny but when i have it in hand i take shots in every ale house, shots of the griller, leey n wat have ya.Reyt im not blowing my own trumpet but generally all the girls fink im hot, my gud pal mini will vouch for that as he witnessed some real birds swarming me at that bash last nite, hellow min, u making a cameo appearence in my about me section, no doubt u and giddy will be absolutly delerious. Also i tend to wear real garments, and purchase a bit of real tackle generally every week, i absolutly detest wasters, people who dont wann w'uk, theres not a days w'uk in some folk, fucking was absolutly flummoxed last nite when jobless waster were drinking ale, on there dole money which im paying for with my tax and stamp, its madness, the country is on meltdown, it turns my stomoch that they get to go out on there dole money that there getting down to hard grafters like me feeding them dole with the tax im paying for em, fucking pondlife. When all my lads start running tings again it will be a fitting tribute to Ray Jones who sadly died a couple of weeks back. R.I.P Ray Jones. This is where i sign off for now cos wanna get out on sum ale. Si Thee, Luv You. x
Section Two - Hellaaaw again, watch and learn, they just roll of my tounge. Now Ran Out of time other day was unable to finish my about me section, but new on the scene, only a one week wonder on myspace i seem to be accumulating friends at an alarming rate which is highy satisfying, just shows that - i command respect and dont tolerate bin dipping scum, slash wasters. Another pleasing situation is the fact that, my 'about me' section has been recieving high amouts of praise and has since gave the likes of Webpac, Sam lee and Finny One Dart to take a leaf out of my grade A Text Book and inspired them to write one like mine... copyright infringment but ill let them off bcos its going down an absolute treat, scintalating stuff from the boys and good to see the Ps. Thanks to willy at the end of Finnys and Pacs About me. Fottball tonight - ive recieved a few courtesy txts to land at Blush for the england game, no txts of any birds today tho which is some what surprising these days - could have done with it to feed my ego. better not be any wasters in vanilla bar because when we land with 15 plus, they will get there cummupance, ill just drill em. g'ut clarns!. after my 15 hours shift on the ale on saturday i will yet again tonight put in a watch and learn display in the arts of drinking becauuse i am the pivot - the organiser the absolute king pin. theres a new slim me and all so watch out oh and i will be doing some solo renditions of england chants probs united too!! And Burnley! United - Kids - Wife ... In That Oreder. Reyt gonna get some real ale down my gullet sum swallys will be supped tonite rest assured, aint even had any jock yet, mite have to pop to morrisons for some essentials, on route to vanilla such as pop crisps and sandwich utilites for work tomorow. More to follow... gotta do ma hair now. x o x
Well, Welll, Well, it is i, the quintisential stud muffin... hardon. In One, its possibly quicker to say the ego has landed. Today i will issue you with my extremly detailed events and in depth analysis of this past saturdays little rumble. To lash a long story short, We all got taxis to Burnley for the Blackpool game, early doors because i wanted to put an extra large shift on the ale in. Anyroad, at around 2.30 Shaun Metcalfe lands, with Stelly. Metcalfe, sporting a new haircut was itching for a scrap as soon as he got there, first challengin shaun Widdop for a fight, then Sammy Lee, Me being the calm on, gave him a pep talk and calmed him down, at this point he was still spoiling for a rumble. The Football was a good watch, Ade Akinibiyi coming off the bench, to bring down a loose ball, turn, cut inside, a little jink... lightning quick drag-back and he just drilled it low and hard, stright past Paul Rachubkas left hand post. This sent alot of clarets in to absolute raptures, and the sheer jubilation forced me to run down the front and up onto the adertising hoarding... But disaster was about to strike. the tangerins hit back almost imediatly going up the other end, enticeing Jenson out from his sticks, rounding the big man.. only to slot home calmly through Andy Morell. This left me fucking seeting. absolutly Irate. Livid would probably the best word to describe it. I thought to myself, im not letting that Morrell Cunt diminish my character, oh no... so this led to disturbing scenes of violence, which when you look back on it, Marred the football game. there was hell on down by Tescos. I Tried to contact More Men, i.e Andrew Webster - darting name 'The Wardle Wrecker' but he failed to recieve my courtesy txt. The Blackpool lads reminded me of bin dippers that ive got the ability to pick out with consumate ease - just scum of society, plain and simple. Some mugs are so far under my radar its beyond belief... anyway not straying away from the tale - Metcalfe decides to run Down and nail one of there top youth lads in the head, 15 of them turned. Eyed up Stelly and Metcalfes, so In Steams Sean Widdop with a barnstorming right underhook, and then he tried to drill him with his timberland battle boots but then almost simutainiosly i follow suit, and just drilled one of there boys - sitting him down with one fell swoop. Fairs Fair, and he got up within seconds but was a little dazed. Out of the 3 blows i saw mine was the one which landed with devostating effect, making him drop to the floor like a sack of old spuds. As i swang i shouted cop for that you TWAT!. Which makes everyone honk. Anyway me and Widdop decided to scraper, leaving new youth recruits Stelly Metcalfes and Sammy Tequilla Lee to have a go. O.B Turned up then and the brawl fizzled out. Thos Blackpool cunts are all delinquent cunts.! Moving On Hoping United can turn over sporting in Portugal tonite and then hammer Chelsea on sunday when me and my top boys are landing vanilla bar. Could do with some swallys given its my day off today! oh well! Siddy x
Yes its true... oh its damn true,Today it was confirmed that One Time Pretty boy, Jez Hartley, also my father - is making another appearence in town with the lads, for the England game on saturday culmanating in what will be a drinking clinic, a session of epic protportions, as you may expect when an iconic figure such as my fanther lands out. In counclusion, weighing in at well over 320 lbs, Hartley still manages to look dashingly handosome, and shares a lot in common with me, we both are real plasteres, and we both excell in the sporting area, probably the only difference between us is that he is a better looking version of me.A goal keeper in the football trade, Although now somewhat lethargic, he can still keep the shots out with his razor sharpe awareness and cat like agiltity. Plain and Simple, Jez hartley is a part time plaster, and a full time drinker. Many of times he has enterd the Turkey and barrell after barrel has been literally emptied by him and Fred Bates and Rousey. By weighing over 320 pounds, you may think he is top heavy - but far from it. You couldnt be more work, he is truly one g'ut mighty lump of walking muscle. When he turns up at the vanilla this saturday week, he will sink 20 swallys with consumate ease, he may even defie all odds and put 30 down himself. Last time Jezzer landed out, he showed a great deal of selflessness by supplying pint after pint for all presen. His kindness, in addition to his sparkling wit and charm, will go down a treat and me, and all lads cannot wait for saturday. it will be a pleasure. Born Bouzer, Bred a Bouzer, D'ee a bouzer - Hartley lad if you are reading this... you are quite simply a natural - Long Live Jez Hartley. x - untill next time, out. x
