Earvin - ProfilesArchive

About Me

They have always doubted me. The night I took it to Bird in the NCAA finals. The night I played all five positions in the NBA finals and scored 42. When they said I had HIV, I was suppose to be dead within five years. Instead, I've gained 150 lbs to prove that people with AIDS don't get skinny and die. I had a talk show, "The Magic Hour". What a tragedy that turned out to be. It was more like "The Tragic Hour". What the hell was I thinking, hiring Tommy Davidson as my sidekick? And Sheila E as my music sidekick? She might have been lookin fine in the 80s, but damn, what was I thinking? The skits were bad, as was my mutilation of the English language. What else? I sucked as coach of the Lakers for a half-season, then I really sucked when I tried to make a comeback at age 36. By then I was hittin' 3-bills and playing power forward. I did average 15/7 a night, not bad for a fat guy who played 32 games. Let's see what else... You might see me as a studio analyst on TNT occasionally. Whenever I'm on TNT, you'll see two fat black guys. One of them is funny. His name is Charles. The other fat black guy who talks but you can't understand is me. Charles might laugh at my speech impediment and basically anything I say or do, but remember, I'm leading Charles in NBA rings 5-0. I tend to keep things simple, like stating the obvious. Me and my buddy Arsenio like to hang out a lot. Whenever you see us out together, he's the one that always got his lips glued to my ass. I remember whenever I'd drop in on Arsenio's show and we'd sit on that huge overstuffed couch of his. Whenever he'd say the words "Booty Call", we'd both laugh hysterically while rolling around on that huge couch. Man, I sure miss those days.

My Interests

Basketball and movie theaters

I'd like to meet:

Paula Abdul, Wilt Chamberlain, The Black Michael Jackson, My Ego

Television:

The Magic Hour

Heroes:

Kareem and Pat

My Blog

Kobe

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out... Oh wait, you say you wanna stay? Damn, they need to get rid of Mitch and rebuild...Also, gotta get rid of that waste of cake-throwin' space known as K...
Posted by Earvin on Thu, 07 Jun 2007 08:25:00 PST

Vegas baby

What a great city. Thanks to all of my fans who caught me at the Augustus Tower in Caesar's Palace. I was in town to check out Toni Braxton in concert, that is one fine girl (hope Coo...
Posted by Earvin on Fri, 04 Aug 2006 09:33:00 PST

New Showtime DVD

Check my my new 2-disc DVD! Earvin DVD ...
Posted by Earvin on Wed, 12 Jul 2006 08:25:00 PST

Sodexho Acquision

As my fans may or may not know by now, I have acquired Sodexho as part of my portfolio. What is Sodexho, you ask? Sodexho is a food-service giant, serving food mostly cafeteria-style....
Posted by Earvin on Wed, 12 Jul 2006 08:05:00 PST

Miami Heat--NBA Champions

Congratulations to Miami and Dwayne Wade for winning the title. Nothing to take away from those guys--especially first-timers like GP and Gonzo. But the task at hand is the obvious terribl...
Posted by Earvin on Wed, 21 Jun 2006 07:52:00 PST

NBA Finals

Lots of people have asked me what I think about the NBA finals, and who I think will win. I figured that if I wait and observe game 1, a lot can be said. That being said, here are some obs...
Posted by Earvin on Fri, 09 Jun 2006 09:32:00 PST

QUESTION

Is it just me, or does it look like the dad on "Family Guy" has a pair of testes for a chin?
Posted by Earvin on Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:32:00 PST

Lakers draft

Here's my analysis of the 2005 Lakers draft: Round 1 (10th overall) ANDREW BYNUM (St. Joseph HS) He's really tall (7'0) and big (300 lb). On most nights, he'll be the biggest man on the court.&n...
Posted by Earvin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

MEETING

I met with Chevy Chase yesterday, we now have an agreement to never do talk shows again. I hope you all caught the press conference.
Posted by Earvin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST