Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gerkin, we get a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... First order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumming-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a fuckin' band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers - specificially, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist - you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Ok - class dismissed. --from "Weeds"
Anything and everyone! People that are openminded especially! Writers, painters, musicians, actors/actresses...anything having to do with the arts means the world to me! Hey! Express yourself!--I'm diving headfirst into life...and I'm not wearing a helmet--
THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS FREAKIN ROCK MY PANTIES OFF!!...and they do so intentionally, i think...also Last November, Rilo Kiley, The Like, Sublime, Modest Mouse, Cake, Weezer, Simon and Garfunkel, Taking Back Sunday, The Arcade Fire, Franz Ferdinand, Peter Gabriel, Eric Clapton, Cream, Blink 182, Secret Machines, Brand New, Garbage, Devics, The Shins, Elbow, Xavier Rudd, Jack Johnson, Wilco, Blue October, Saves the Day, Damien Rice, Katy Rose, Jet, Bright Eyes, The Starting Line, Jimmy Eat World, The Flaming Lips, Something Corporate, Frou Frou, Eisley, Belle and Sebastian, Green Day, The Vines, The Hives, The Postal Service, Feable Weiner, Rosey, Finch, Goldfinger, Reel Big Fish, Counting Crows, Hot Hot Heat, Snow Patrol, 311, Keith Urban, Yellowcard, Say Anything, The Dan Band, My Chemical Romance, They Might Be Giants, Live, The Get Up Kids, Badly Drawn Boy, Fall Out Boy, World Leader Pretend, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Spoon, Suburban Legends, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Muse, Josh Kelley, The Strokes, Mando Diao, Elefant, U2, Gomez, Athlete, Piebald, Liz Phair, Ambulance LTD, Straylight Run, Razorlight, The Stills (especially Retour a Vega), Anna Nalick, Aqualung, Unwritten Law, Relient K, Rx Bandits, Foo Fighters, The Doors, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Verve, The Who, The Guess Who, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Motion City Soundtrack, Stereophonics, Death Cab for Cutie, Hot Hot Heat, Sloan, Drive By Truckers, Interpol, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, Gorillaz, Queen, The Donnas, Mazzy Star, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Oasis, the monkees, Elvis Costello, Dave Matthews Band, Portishead, The Pixies, Paul McCartney...and some more that I can't remember at this moment...
Love Wes Anderson movies!!! He's awesome, which means I love The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Royal Tenebaums, Rushmore...every Wes Anderson movie that I know of so far (cause I just recently got into him). Other movies: Braveheart, Animal House, The Virgin Suicides, 50 First Dates, um...I'll think of more
I'm CSI's bitch...yes...and I'm proud to say it.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time!!!! Pride and Prejudice, The Grapes of Wrath, "Hills Like White Elephants," Madame Bovary, Tropic of Cancer, Scar Tissue
Viktor Burakov, June Carter Cash, Johnny Cash, Kahlil Gibran...oh yeah BILL FREAKIN MURRAY!