Portly Punks Association

PPA MEMBERSHIP/RULES AND MISSION STATEMENT
Intro for the interested and uninitiated. The PPA,PORTLY PUNKS ASSOCIATION (or Brotherhood of the pie) is a benevolent society of Punks and Skins formed late one night last weekend at the Concrete Jungle Punk Festival.
Below i have listed some things that potential new members may wish to know.
1. Entry to the PPA.This is based on size - You must be slightly Portly or Rotund in appearance.
2. Membership is not guaranteed and photographic proof of Portliness will be required.This is due to a large amount of slender people trying to join and becoming agitated when told that they are too skinny (you know who you are!)
3. Associate members.These are to be allowed if one or more members (Brothers) can testify to the fact that they are trying to get fat but biology is working against them.
4. Due to flattering clothing and jolly dispositions, we may be hard to spot.Identification is assured when you see the fist to temple salute! (non members using this salute will be subjected to ridicule and maybe in extreme cases, to sandwiching between largest 2 present members (brothers)
5. The salute.This is sacred to us.It can be done by raising one fist to the temple and greeting fellow PPA members with the greeting - UP THE PPA!
The reason we use either hand is practical.Some people are righties and some lefties and should you be holding either a kebab,pie or other pastry based product,we would not condone the abandonment of such a treasure to perform the salute.
6. The PPA OFFICIAL FAN CLUB - This is a forum for wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends/friends by which you can ally yourselves with us but will recieve none of the many benefits and privileges that full membership allows.
Finally, in the past week or so we have been the focus for attempted infiltration by members of the APP (ASSOCIATION OF PORTLY PUNKS) and the PAP (PORTLY ARMY of PUNKS).
These people are FUCKING SPLITTERS and are not to be trusted at any time.Amongst their groups there have been allegations of PIE THEFT an KEBAB RUSTLING.We are an honourable brother hood and these activities are not only frowned upon but WILL result in immediate expulsion! Other forbidden activities included are -
1. The purchase of "diet coke/sprite" etc.
2. The adding of soft drinks to beer (acceptable sustitutes are Bisto gravy,custard or lard)
3. The inclusion of Salad to burgers or kebabs.
4. Leaving food uneaten
5. The use of olive oil in cooking.
6. Sharing of food.It is better to buy your brethren a burger for himself rather than give some of yours away.
7. Secret membership of evil societies i.e WIEGHTWATCHERS OR SLIMMING WORLD - THIS IS PUNISHABLE BY RELENTLESS TEASING AND RIDICULE AND IMMEDIATE EXPULSION!
THIS IS OUR MISSION STATEMENT - WE HOPE THAT PROSPECTIVE MEMBERS FIND THIS BOTH ENLIGHTENING AND INFORMATIVE.
WE ARE AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GROUP - IF YOUR PORTLY YOUR IN!
THESE ARE OUR MANTRAS AND ACCEPTABLE GREETINGS.......
UP THE PPA
KEEP IT REAL - KEEP IT VEAL
WE ARE THE PPA AND WE FEAR NO DOUGH
WE SAY YES TO GRAVY
AVOID GREENS EMBRACE GRANULES
GRAVY IS FOR LIFE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST
FOR MORE INFORMATION DON'T HESITATE TO CONTACT ME AND FOR INFO ABOUT THE OFFICIAL PPA FAN CLUB PLEASE CONTACT EITHER SHINEAD OR RACHEL - THEY CAN BE FOUND IN MY TOP FRIENDS LIST.
UP THE PPA!