Brian profile picture

Brian

serving it up since 1986!

About Me


Hey kitties, name is Brian and thanks for joining me today on this creeper convention we call myspace. I’m a twenty one year old creative/beautifull that’s all sorts of crazy. Like most good human beings I’m a rather multi-faceted person, but overall I’d say I'm a nice little ducky.
I'll begin my chapter book by telling you about my fascinating adolescence growing up in the rustic pastures of Wisconsin. Those wide open spaces always provided me with hours of entertainment, whether it was feeding angry cows, hiding in a ditch from my piano teacher, or frolicking through cornfields. And no matter how hard I try, I don't think I'll ever lose my oddly endearing midwestern accent, don't cha know there now?
Like any self-respecting little gay boy, I turned to my sister's barbies to pass the time. We would stage elaborate showdowns, each of us armed with dolls outfitted in hankerchiefs and cut-off pantyhose. These bitches were a hot mess. We gave them tatooes with sharpie and washed their hair with lighter fluid, and as a result they were tough, hard-drinking girls who felt comfortable with their nudity. Skipper was missing her left hand because I trimmed the nails thinking they would grow back but they never did.
Anyway, after a certain age, I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my existence wasting away in some Wisconsin pumpkin patch, so I began to seek out my life's calling. After an embarrassing trial-and-error period of missed field goals, strikeouts, and tae kwon do beatings, my mom enrolled me in a dance class. It was at the most rinky-dink studio you could find, where I refined my inner jazzerina, spread my spirit fingers, shot up the alesebesques, and practiced the ever-important air bite. It was just a place to send hyperactive kids, basically.
Cut to me living in California as a professional ballet dancer (ie. trained monkey) with Sacramento Ballet. Ahh ballet. I'm pretty sure it's the most challenging activity in the world, bar none, except maybe childbirth. Picture yourself standing in a mirror all day and finding everything that is fucked up about you and trying to fix it. That's basically my job. Although I have to say performing is my favorite thing in the world. I love to dance and work and sweat, but I also love the decadence of snuggling in bed with my boyfriend watching marathons of trashy reality shows, while eating sour patch kids and häagen dazs. That sounds kind of tragic in theory, but I actually find it quite enjoyable.
I'm obsessively into pop culture. I may not be able to tell you the hypotenuese of the trilateral equilibrium or even where the nearest bus stop is, but that's probably because I'm too busy counting down the days until Britney's next meltdown or pondering the whereabouts of Lindsay Lo's latest arrest. I'm also very passionate about my political beliefs and convictions. I strongly believe in marriage equality, women's rights, and environmental protection - three things Bush is obviously very concerned about right now *rolls eyes*. I don't trust republicans any farther than I can throw them (which is usually about three feet).
I'm a libra, although I don't even believe in any of that astrological bullshit. But I guess since I'm a typical libra, you could probably change my mind. And I do change my mind a lot, causing constant havoc. Yes, no, yes, no, maybe. I'm also always contradicting myself, sometimes within the same sentence. Please don't ever ask me to take sides, because I'm just going to end up hopping the fence. What can I say, I'm a floater. I'm also artistic, ambitious, totally random, cheesy, slightly gullible, a bit flighty, thoroughly spirited, strong-willed and open-minded.
My biggest fault is impatience. I always want everything right away and nothing comes as fast as I want it to. I also worry about worrying too much. I worry too much about what other people think. I worry about hurting people and I do it a lot, though not intentionally. And I worry about living up to my own expectations. I think that's helped make me a very determined individual but it's also made me too much of a manic about things and too hard on myself. I’m always striving to become a better version of myself, and I try to see the good in everyone, although believe me sometimes it’s hard.
I'm not a religious person at all, but I do believe in karma. We reap what we sow, we get what we give, we pull in what we put out. I know these things for sure. Don't ever feel you have to fit into certain molds created by the conforms of our tiring society. Know who you are and what you stand for. My mom always told me if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything. And no matter what fucked up shit happens, always appreciate the good and remember that life is crazy and beautiful and fast and precious to let it pass you by. I didn't mean for this to turn into an Oprah-esque tearfest, but it's definitely true! Follow your bliss!

My Interests

Dancing my little heart out, my beautiful boyfriend, cheesy pop music, my doofus of a dog dudley, celebrity gossip, giving and getting extremely dirty looks, misbehaving in general, ipodding, eating everything in site, big cities, asians everywhere, conducting social experiments, old-school nintendo games, speech impediments, telling people off, jamba juice, zoos, netflixing, feeding the squirrels, looking things upon wikipedia, ipodding, everything 80's, sour patch kids, red wine, art galleries, musicals, big ghetto black girls, sleeping in, spontaneity, rocking, rolling, world domination, truth, beauty, freedom, and the power of love!

I'd like to meet:



Someone genuine and sweet would be nice, but if you're a nasty bitch that's okay too, you just have to be extremely witty or good looking to make up for it. hahaha jk! (not really!) I'd also love to meet Madonna so I can ask if she will adopt me, Victoria Beckham, Martha Stewart, Tyra Banks, Mary Katherine Gallagher, baby Jesus, one of the Olsen Twins (preferably Mary Kate), Karen Walker, Pheobe Buffet, Brad Pitt, Albus Dumbledore, Rosie O'Donnell, Gelsey Kirkland, Alexander the Great, Miss Swan, Cheryl Tweedy, Dorothy Zbornak, Jared Leto, Frida Kahlo, Margaret Cho, Michael Moore, Kate Moss, Donatella Versace, Paul Thomas Anderson, Kimmi Gibbler, the Virgin Mary, Lucy Ricardo, Parker Posey, Julianne Moore, Amanda Lepore, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Johnny Depp, Bjork, the Minogue sisters, pretty much any d-list reality star, and girls aloud.

Music:

Madonna's the queen. Girls Aloud are amazing as well. Also I love Fiona Apple, Siobhan Donaghy, Britney, Mika, Sugababes, Rachel Stevens, Goldfrapp, Christina Aguilera, Hanson, Elton John, Spice Girls, Prince, the Killers, Jewel, Will Young, Nelly Furtado, Queen, Alcazar, Bryan Adams, All Saints, Scissor Sisters, Fischerspooner, Garbage, Darren Hayes, Lindsay Lo, Dragonette, Roisin Murphy, Robbie Williams, Brandy, Heart, Sarah McLachlan, Justin Timberlake, Carly Simon, the Minogue sisters, George Gershwin, musicals, loves it all.

Movies:

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, The Neverending Story, Magnolia, Finding Nemo, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Annie, Rules of Attraction, House of Sand and Fog, Clueless, Vanilla Sky, Waitress, Fight Club, The Beach, Kill Bill, Eyes Wide Shut, Brokeback Mountain, Truth or Dare, Minority Report, Saved, Best In Show, Boogie Nights, Party Girl, Spirited Away, Little Miss Sunshine, Moulin Rouge, Pan's Labrynth, Evita, Cruel Intentions, Adventures In Babysitting, Steel Magnolias, Love Actually, Camp, Monsters Inc, Ghost, Center Stage, Singing in the Rain, Devil Wears Prada, Superstar

Television:

I thoroughly enjoy a good reality show; Survivor, Big Brother, Top Model, Amazing Race, The Soup, Golden Girls, Project Runway, Will & Grace, Rock of Love, Family Guy, Simpsons, The Simple Life, Sex and the City, Friends, I Love Lucy, American Idol, The Awful Truth, So You Think You Can Dance, TLC specials on conjoined twins..

Books:

I'm Harry Potter obessed, everything by David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, Wally Lamb, some Chuck Palahniuk, some Bret Easton Ellis, Stephen King, Gelsey Kirkland's autobiography, Watership Down, Grapes of Wrath, 1984, To Kill a Mockingbird, Dan Savage's column, Entertainment Weekly.

Heroes:

My boyfriend, my mama, my dog dudley, all the underdogs out there, people who fight for their rights and don't succumb to the pressures of the 21st century.

My Blog

Ruminations on New Years Eve

With only a few short hours until 2007 draws to a close and the new year begins, I feel it's time to do a little soul searching and self psychosis. They often say the unexamined life is not worth livi...
Posted by Brian on Tue, 01 Jan 2008 09:24:00 PST