Spandangle

GIVE AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE! It's true. In January I gave a sausage hug and received possibly the greatest philosophical revelation of my life so far: The Commitment Theory. This theory has little to do with monogamy, and even less to do with turning up to work on time. The Commitment Theory basically states that anyone can do anything if he/she commits to it. So I once thought I was 'not a sunglasses person' but now I understand that I just need to find some glasses and commit to them. Commitment erases the uncertain, the awkward AND the self-conscious. Genius, see. The Commitment Theory works well when practiced in conjunction with the Attractive/Effective Philosophy, under which one can distribute attractiveness and effectiveness into a percentage depending on their goals for the day/evening/event in question. For example, today I went to uni, then went to work and then arrived here, at my trusty Adelaide Street net café. So, taking this into consideration, as well as the fact that I was going to see Premium and the fact that I had no assignments due today, I concluded this morning that I should probably be 60% effective and 40% attractive. I then committed to this ratio in order to deal with the fact that my hair was dirty when I saw Premium and that I was 5 minutes late for my lecture because I was deciding what to wear. My day was successful, because I committed. You should commit too. In general, I’m also committed to having pink hair, to my new belt, to Woodford 07/08, to finding paths that suit my lifestyle, to beginning most sentences with the words ‘pretty sure’ or, on the days that I feel grammatically correct, ‘I’m pretty sure’. I am committed to loving my friends, my family, and Alice’s ex-mullet, Barry. I am committed to my Korean boyfriend, Jason, who loves me because I’m a rich girl. I gave him a dollar once. Well it was actually 1000 won but a dollar probably makes more sense to most of you. I'm committed to anyone who paints themselves green. I am committed to exciting things, like Sunday afternoons. I'm committed to my fairy caravan. I am committed to being a myspace wanker, a performance studies wanker, a city wanker, a creative wanker and just a regular old wanker. I’ll probably go rub one out later and you probably should too.
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