×°Dorian GraveLover°× profile picture

×°Dorian GraveLover°×

A man dies ... only a few circles in the water prove that he was ever there. And even they quickly d

About Me


Once upon a time, I was born perfectly abnormal, extreme and decadent. I became nothing but theatrical victim of Art. Do not judge me because of that. My reality and my Decay are the only place I fit with. Not because I think that reality of all others isn't good enough for me, but because I'm too stubborn to give up my dreams.I believe only in Art and nothing above it.
I'm constantly struggling to assert myself. I cannot refrain from testing others with cutting remarks, not because I want to hurt them, but because I want to know them better through their reaction. I tend to experience life and the feeling of aliveness through rebellion and tension. Sometime my attitude may seem aggressive but often I remain silent, introverted and secretive, mulling over turbulent thoughts in the depths of my mind, leaving others puzzled by my quite strange behavior.
I talk too much, often I have pointless monologues with some parts of my personality Yes, I may be suffering from some strange mental disorder but I think there's no harm in that. I can still be a good person.
Most of my friends already have happy families, proper jobs and they pay taxes. I don' have proper job, and I don't have family at all. Here and then I pay taxes. I even don't have permanent address. And I'm still dreaming farewells at railway stations, I still live with my suitcases packed ready to leave. I still wander from city to city trying to find a place I could call home. I can't settle down. And I don't even want to. I'm not dreaming about family and kids and sweet little life with husband. I'm not a type of a romantic girl. If you will give me a rose, I will put it on somebody's grave.
I usually find wrong people to trust to. I'm hungry of honest human touch and conversation. I guess I'm not capable to find something confident and constant in life.
That's why I don't like to get too personal in these internet things. In the end, I only long for silence and freedom.
I'm not jealous or possessive type of person. When I love, I love till the end. I'm dedicated and faithful, I'm not making dramas just to get somebody's attention. That was never my style.
I crave for wild relations no matter how long they last. What works with the most of the girls, doesn't work with me so spare your time, cause sweet talks makes me sick and cute little nicknames can only make me homicidal. Don't be empty puppet who does everything he's told. Confront, even to me. I will despise you and feel sorry for your weak will if I see there's no power in your charisma. Show me your character no matter how cruel or vicious it is. You will have my full respect if silence between us won't be just an empty space. Silence can often be a gift. I like to make it worthy.
I don't have any intentions to say not a word more about myself. If you want to know me better, simply talk to me. Or don't. I've been here long before you came. And I shall remain after you go also.
De Profundis
D.
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My Interests

arts generally, german expressionism, neue sachlichkeit, Neue Deutsche Todeskunst, Schwarze Romantik, body modification, body art, Die Brucke, Der blaue reiter, avangarde and postmodern art generally, painting, music, animals, animal rights, vegans, art history, l'art pour l'art, writing, photography, theatre, singing, playing flaute, performances, philosophy, traveling, solitude, prosuicide, anorexia nervosa, aestetics, burlesque and grotesque, androgyny, humanistic sciences,literature, movies, film noir, knowledge, books, ancient civilizations, poetry, reading, dancing, midnight walks, nature, perfection, artificial creatures, masquerades, abstract, surreal, Michelangelo, Rodin, Fuseli, Friedrich, Van Gogh, Majakovski, Dix, Shakespeare, Schopenhauer, Kircher, Gaudi, Grosz, body art, batcave, gothabilly, masks, funerals, misanthropy, tears, coffins, cemeteries, Pere Lachaise, fog, velvet, uniforms, mirrors, alchemy, glamour fashion, eternity, metaphysic, immortality, sunglasses after dark, rain, waterfalls, make up, night life (but not clubbing), red wine, blood and chocolate, candels, wild roses, dolls, pale skin, eyeliner, cabaret, opium and poison, beauty of cruel nature, decadence, sad love stories, impossible desires, british accent, Iceland, Finland, Paris, Berlin, London...
"AN ELEGANT SUICIDE IS THE ULTIMATE WORK OF ART"

I'd like to meet:

There are some creatures that I respect a lot and unfortunately I know them only from cyberworld. But I wouldn't mind to spend some time with them in real life. Or some longer time.
I want to meet people who ARE NOT shallow, pathetic, superficial, conceited and generally conventional. I really really dislike conventional people from the bottom of my little black heart. Don't send me hugs. I don't need them. Don't send me kisses. I don't want them.
Actually, I'm not much social person, but the friends I have I really like to keep very close. I need some time to get know you better and to start feeling relaxed in your company. But it's nothing personal, it's just me being afraid of the mankind.
Yes, I think it would be all.

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"Kunst ist Geist, und der Geist braucht sich ganz und gar nicht auf die Gesellschaft, auf die Gemeinschaft verpflichtet zu fühlen, - darf es nicht, meiner Meinung nach, um seiner Freiheit, seines Adels willen. Eine Kunst, die «ins Volk geht», die Bedürfnisse der Menge, des kleinen Mannes, des Banausentums zu den ihren macht, gerät ins Elend, und es ihr zur Pflicht zu machen, etwa von Staats wegen nur eine Kunst zuzulassen, die der kleine Mann versteht, i s t [1] schlimmstes Banausentum und der Mord des Geistes. Dieser, das ist meine Überzeugung, kann bei seinen gewagtesten, ungebundensten, der Menge ungemäßesten Vorstößen, Forschungen, Versuchen gewiss sein, auf irgendeine hoch-mittelbare Weise dem Menschen – auf die Dauer sogar den Menschen zu dienen."
"Hört nur den Schluss, hört ihn mit mir: Eine Instrumentengruppe nach der anderen tritt zurück, und was übrig bleibt, womit das Werk verklingt, ist das hohe g eines Cello, das letzte Wort, der letzte verschwebende Laut, in pianissimo - Fermate langsam vergehend. Dann ist nichts mehr. – Schweigen und Nacht. Aber der nachschwingend im Schweigen hängende Ton, der nicht mehr ist, dem nur die Seele noch nachlauscht, und der Ausklang der Trauer war, ist es nicht mehr, wandelt den Sinn, steht als ein Licht in der Nacht."
Thomas Mann
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"Die Kunst ist von Menschen gemacht. Seine eigene Gestalt ist das Zentrum aller Kunst, denn für alles Empfinden ist seine Form uns sein Maß Grundlage und Ausgangspunkt... Ich verlange deshalb als erstes für alle Kunstschulen das Aktzeichnen als Hauptfach"
Ernst Ludwig Kirchner
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Music:

deathrock/ darkwave/ industrial/ martial/ industrial techno/ noise electro/ batcave/ avantgarde/ experimental/ gothic rock/ futurepop/ electroclash/ synthpop/ coldwave/ postpunk/ horror punk/ noise/ ebm/ tbm/ aggrotech/ trance/ ambiental/ medieval/ neofolk/ apocalyptic folk/ military pop/ dark cabaret/ new romantic/ gothabilly/ psychobilly / classic/ neoclassic/ trip-hop/ shoegaze but i also adore black metal, I find it extremely sexy

Movies:

Wiene/ Murnau/ Visconti/ Eizenstein/Bergman/ Sjostrom/ Lang/ Dreyer/ Lubitsch/ Bunuel/Lynch/ Wenders/ Polanski/ Jodorovsky/ Argento... Huge movie freak...thrillers/drama/art/experimantal/ french new wave/ italian new realism... Stay,The bitter moon, Fall, La Cité des enfants perdus, Betty Blue, The notorious Bettie Page, Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, M, The scarlet street, You live only once, Lil Marleen, James Dean and Marlon Brando movies, Finding neverland, Immortal beloved, Lost in translation, Les morsures de l'aube, Dracula (1992), Until the end of the world, Berlin Alexanderplatz, Nosferatu, Metropolis, The seventh seal, Muldholland drive, Blue velvet, Macbeth (Polanski), The fall of house of Usher, The raven, The comedy of terrors, Theatre of Blood, The mask of red death, The haunted palace, Der student von Prag, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Dr. Mabuse, Battleship Potemkin, Aleksandar Nevski, Der himmel uber Berlin, Golem, Hamlet, Death in Venice, The hunger, The crow, Dogville, The last time i saw Paris, The hours, Dead poets society, The life of others, Labyrinth, The tinger,Suspiria, Cabaret, American beuty, Dead man, May, The house of flying daggers, Pitchblack, The shadow of a vampire, Funeral in Berlin, Lost boys, Libertine, Velvet goldmine, Satyricon, Interview with the vampire, The Blues Brothers, Last tango in Paris, Hedwig and the Angry Inch,Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Butterfly effect, Thelma and Louise, Christiane F- Wir kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo, London after midnight, ....and many many more
"All these people I've known, who are and always will be in my head. There's always a beginning and an end. It was too good. Outside at last, in the city... find out who I am, what I've become. Most of the time, I am too aware to be sad. I waited an eternity to hear a loving word. Then I went abroad. Someone who'd say 'I love you so much today', that would be so wonderful! ... Emptied out, inadequate. Fear, fear, fear. The look of a small animal lost in the woods. Who are you? I don't know anymore. But I do know that I won't be a trapeze artist. Unforeseen decisions in which to believe. I must not cry... I won't cry... no way! It happens, that's how it goes, not always as you wish it. Emptiness, emptiness..."-
DER HIMMEL ÃœBER BERLIN

"Dear Leonard, to look life in the face … always to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is. At last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then … to put it away. Leonard … always the years between us, always the years … always … the love … always … the hours." -
THE HOURS
"FOREVER IS A LONG TIME BABY...."
The Bitter moon
"Do you know the Tristan Rêveur quote about bad art? It's "bad art is more tragically beautiful than good art 'cause it documents human failure."
STAY
Cassiel: "Why can't I be good? Why can't I act like a man? Why can't I act like other men can? "
IN WEITER FERNE, SO NAH!

Television:

The L word, NCIS, La Femme Nikita, Dexter

Books:

Oscar Wilde: The Picture of Dorian Gray, Goodbye to Berlin, F.M. Dostojevsky: Crime and punishment, Thomas Mann: The Life of the German Composer Adrian Leverkuhn as Told by a Friend, Sartre, Michael Cunningham: The hours; S.Plath, J.P. Kamov, A.G. Matos, A.B.Simic, Baudelaire, E.A. Poe, Mallarme, Verlaine, Guy de Maupassant, Byron, Antonine Artaud, Gustav Meyrink, Mario Fortunato, Robert Schneider, Borges, C.S.Lewis, Fitzgerald, Stoker, Hemingway,Genet, Beckett, Brecht, Balzac, Flaubert, Zola, Gautier, Rimbaud, Tolstoj, Ibsen, Strindberg, Gogolj, Jesenjin, Neruda, Proust, Kafka, Goethe, Novalis, Blake...
"Here is the first passionate love-letter I have ever written in my life. Strange, that my first passionate love-letter should have been addressed to a dead girl. Can they feel, I wonder, those white silent people we call the dead?"-
O.Wilde The picture of Dorian Gray

Heroes:

"The world is just illusion, only trying to change you..."
IN MEMORY OF DEAR FRIEND DIED 21.07.2007.
...for flight your soul was made...
I will always love you B.

My Blog

Achtung Achtung

Just a few notes for all who enter my chambers....I don't want to listen your happy love stories. Or love crashes. I won't be your private therapist and give you love advice in my free time. Don't...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:28:00 PST

Hommage to "Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo"

My first boyfriend died after 6 months of our relationship. He passed away on my hands overdosed with dope. When I realized, he's not breathing anymore, I lean against him in the dark and lightened ne...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Sat, 27 Sep 2008 07:44:00 PST

Berlin diaries... part 3

It's all tears baby- he said and lightened a new cigarette... Yes, we will taste our own ashes. Are we just ghosts or the world around us is frightening in its reality?   Everything is just......
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:13:00 PST

Berlin diaries... part 2

und es war das Ende&....
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:11:00 PST

Berlin diaries... part 1

The tragedy was unavoidable. This time it was simply too hard to fight for both of them especially when one of them was loosing the will to fight and other was suffering from the lack of strength. ...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:13:00 PST

Damage done

I've said Goodbye to my past but i know... You are still having fun by teaching teenagers how to properly cut their veins And i'm still keeping numbers of my long dead friends in cell phone memory ...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Fri, 15 Aug 2008 04:07:00 PST

Who died romantically...

I'm trying to translate crow's voices into symphony of the new religion. I'm not doing it well, I know. I feel like cheap critic and all I ever wanted to be was creator of beautiful things. In my hig...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Sun, 08 Jun 2008 12:57:00 PST

Modern Vision of Despair

He told me misses me. I said OK. What else?He told me he loved me. I said OK. What else?There was... wind in the trees, smoke, fog and newborn summer.I was writing letters that have never went away.I ...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Sat, 31 May 2008 02:21:00 PST

For all anniversaries of marriage that was never ment to be

My Beloved....If things were like we hoped they will be one day, we could have own nice house with garden... i was always dreaming to grow red roses that would climb over wall behind the place you us...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Wed, 26 Mar 2008 04:25:00 PST

Tears for Berlin

I woke up early, at first I couldn't remember where I am. The room smelled of expensive French wine and fancy hotel towels& I got up from bed and lighted a cigarette standing next to window. Ever...
Posted by ×°Dorian GraveLover°× on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 09:22:00 PST