Wanking out to kickass music, walking on water, taking a lovely stroll alone on the shores of Bali before dawn, tripping out at a rave, playing bingo at the local elderly home (but I hate the fact that it takes me days to wash the stink of old people off of me), answering prayers of small children under the age of 8 (fuck the rest of you, go bother Dad or something), occasionally appearing on the foam on top of a Starbuck Caramel Macchiato or Frito-Lays products (salt and vinegar is my favorite), catching a movie at a nice drive-in with my girlie (which ever ones are left), standing in line for anything (ever since Archangel Michael invented it, I can’t get enough of it), helping little old ladies cross the street, shopping sprees with friends, going out really early in the morning to the local porn store to see the latest releases (Jenna, Jenna, Jenna…), going to tattoo and car conventions, relieving drought situation in third word countries, buying vinyl to increase my superior collection, and just about anything that doesn’t have to do with working for my Father or getting nailed to a cross bar.
Yeah, I'm still pretty sensitive about that one.
I'd like to meet:
Well, I pretty much know of every one of Dads creations (in his image my ass, oh wait some of them do look like ass), so of the lot I would like to meet Trent Reznor (as far am I concerned he IS the prince of darkness), Martha Stewart (I would have loved it if she organized and decorated my baptismal, she is even hotter now that she has been to the big doll house), Ted Nugent (just so I can mace him in the face for shooting animals to prove his "manhood" ), Kevin Smith (this man just knows me so well and I havent even met him), Tammy Fey Baker (I just want to give the poor girl a gift certificate for permanent make-up tattooing), and the dude who created
this little bit about Dad (Ill give this dude the next winning MegaBall numbers just for making me shoot milk out of my nose when I read it!). Oh, yeah I would also meet Georgie Dubya Bush and cock-punch him in the face (even Dad admits his mistake on this one).
And lets not forget any of you who would like a ride on the everlasting Holy Hotrod of Love ;) Not to worry ladies and gents, Maggie is not the jealous type. She actually digs watching
Side note: To all bands who want me to add you, you can just go find another profile to be your advertising site. Fuck you, your music sucks, hence why you don't have a contract. Don't ask me to add you no-talent ass.
Music:
Ministry, Tool, Motley Crue, Rolling Stones, Led Zep, Backstreet Boys, Nine Inch Nails, Cannibal Corpse, VNV Nation, Destiny’s Child, Marilyn Manson, Britney Spears (actually I’d like to fuck her while listening to her music), John Mayer, Iggy Pop, TV on the Radio, Fischerspooner, All Kinds of Old School Punk and Hardcore Rap, A Perfect Circle, Rage Against the Machine, Lamb of God, Joan Osborne, Billy Corgan, System of a Down, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Kayne West, Depeche Mode, Pansy Division, Corrosion of Conformity, The Cramps, The Stooges, Clutch, Enthroned, Mayhem, LCD Soundsystem, Queens of the Stone Age (I'll admit I thought they sucked until I saw them live. J. Ho. smokes on the gee-tar yo) and more, more, more.
Movies:
Movies later, Must go wank.
Television:
24, Desperate Housewives, and Law and Order; The holy trinity of network programming. Of the cable shows, I like The Closer, Entourage and the Daily Show about 1/2 of the time. Deadwood brings back memories and I love counting how many times they can fit the word cocksucker in one episode.
Books:
Hey Rube; Bloodsport, The Bush Doctrine, and the Downward Spiral of Dumbness, The Great Shark Hunt, and Where Were You When the Fun Stopped by Hunter S. Thompson, Haunted, Choke, Fight Club by Chuck Palahnuik (that fucker), The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey, Love Ain't Nothing But Sex Misspelled by Harlan Ellison, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein, Manufacturing Consent and Necessary Illusions: Thought Control In Democratic Societies by Noam Chomsky, anything by Aleister Crowley, anything by the Marquis de Sade, The Satanic Versus by Salman Rushdie, Women and Last Exit To Brooklyn by Charles Bukowski, The Kitchen God’s Wife by Amy Tan, Black Coffee Blues by Hank Rollins, Worse Than Watergate by John Dean, Thing of Beauty (The Tragedy of Supermodel Gia) by Stephen Fried, I Don't Want To Live This Life by Deborah Spungeon, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star by Jenna Jameson (just for the pictures), Dude, Where's My Country? by Michael Moore, Please Kill Me by Legs Mc Neil, Zips, Pipes, and Pens: Arsenal of Improvised Weapons by J. David Truby, The Anarchist's Cookbook by William Powell, Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung : The Work of a Legendary Critic: Rock'N'Roll as Literature and Literature as Rock 'N'Roll by Lester Bangs, Rotten: No Dogs, No Blacks, No Irish by John Lydon, Get In The Van by Henry Rollins,
Heroes:
Fuck you, I AM the All American Hero.
