Dirk and Johnson met in high school, 1982. Johnson's family was pushing him towards becoming a doctor. Dirk was racist, republican, and PROUD. After Dirk changed his ways, becoming a moderate republican, Johnson picked up drumsticks and began to play. Originally, Dirk and Johnson hated each other, but when Johnson wanted to form a band, and Dirk was playing guitar at Old Pete's Bar & Grill, they had to become instant friends to be successful as musicians. They were originally called "Dirk and the Pussycat", but Johnson was somewhat against the nickname, so they quickly changed their name to "Velcro Pistol", and wrote the song "I Shit In Your Bed".
When the anti-prep revolution and the emo army surfaced in the late 90s, they changed their name to the "Emolocusts" so they could finally sell one fucking album. Soon after the emo regime lost much of its power in the early 21st century, they saw record sales drop from 2 CD's to 1, resulting in the circumcision of Dirk. Dirk was angry, so he wrote "I'm an Emo/I Shit In Your Bed", a slight variation of Velcro Pistols' "I Shit In Your Bed", which had become a moderately popular dance-club favorite in Norway in 1998.
Now Dirk and Johnson live together in New Hampshire, trying to make another masterpiece. They enjoy shitting in bed, anal sex, and voting republican.
Their asses are e-mailable at: [email protected]
