Dr. Danni, MD profile picture

Dr. Danni, MD

I'd drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. - George Constanza, Seinfeld

About Me


About me? You wanna know something about ME? I'm a product a.k.a 'handi-work', (Well I was started with the hand... actually come to think of it I was started with the finger but that's besides the point) of the proverbial one night stand. Hell, I was a pitcher of margarita and a gas station condom!
According to Wikipedia,in Western society, there is often a social stigma associated with 'one-night stands', reflected in the phrase "Walk of shame", wherein a participant in a one-night stand has to go home in the morning wearing clothes that were worn the previous night."If only those irresponsible, horny creatures known as my "parents" knew that they would walk a bit more than the walk of shame. If only they knew what was going to be unleashed unto the natural world they could have easily aborted my existence...
Still don't understand why I exist?
I'm not supposed to be here people. If only my father made a wise decision to stay at home, crash on the lazy boy, and watch reruns of Charles in Charge that night instead of chasing an absolutely stunning pair of tits, I wouldn't be on myspace today. Oh no. Just thank my mother's ridiculously large rack.
(Oh and judging from the photo above, you can safely say my mother was never tight... again).
But here's a little bit about me...
A long, long time ago in a fishing village in Poland, there lived a little girl...
...and that little girl had a dream. It's a touching tale really, I'm just not in the mood to tell it. Just for the record this is actually a Cambodian Fishing Village in Southeast Asia and serves no purpose what-so-ever.But like the Martin L. King, I do have a dream, and you're probably in it.

Bottom line: If I were to go back in time and assassinate Eli Whitney, the cotton gin wouldn't have been cultivated. Pretty cool huh?


Videos
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My Interests



Traveling, Inventing, Working the word nibblet into my vocabulary, Sushi.
Oh yes, and doing impressions of Sean Connery and Sean Connery doing impressions of Sean Connery during serious conversations. In fact, I do this almost exclusively.

I also love STAND UP.Rodney Dangerfield, Lewis Black, George Carlin, John Leguizamo, Dane Cook, Jackie Mason, Rita Rudner, Mitch Hedberg, Ellen Degeneres... ect.

I'd like to meet:

Gerard Depardieu so he can kiss me like a wild cobra.“My eye will roam with equal pleasure over the face of a beautiful woman as it will over the cuts of meat displayed in a butcher's shop window,”
-Gerard Depardieu
*Sigh.*

Music:


New Wave and Electronic/Synth Rock, Glam Rock, 60's and 70's Brit-Rock, Post-Punk, (Some) Sexy Trip Hop, Romantic Raggae/Island, Classic Rock...big on the CHICK-ROCK too

Aerosmith, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Simple Minds, U2, Depeche Mode, Oingo Boingo, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Alice Cooper, Heart, Dokken, Tesla, Peter Gabriel, Steve Winwood, The Troggs, The Pretenders, The Animals, Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, The Cramps, Janis Joplin, David Bowie, Juliette and the Licks, Alanis Morisette, L.A Guns, L7, Foo Fighters, Guns 'n' Roses, SEAL, Motley Crue, Whitesnake, Skid Row, ZZ top, Savage Garden, RICHARD MARX, Peter Cetera, Huey Lewis and the News, Weezer, Journey, Lita Ford, Bon Jovi, Dio, Puddle of Mudd, Ratt, KISS, Duran Duran, Supergrass, Vai, Fiona Apple, Vixen, Tom Petty, Righteous Brothers, Billy Idol, No Doubt, The Cars, The Police, Cinderella, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Danny Elfman, Animotion, Bee Gees, The Doors, AC/DC, Zeppelin, Poison, Garbage, REO Speedwagon, The Cure, Skid Row, Mr. Big, Eric Clapton, Beatles, Sinatra, Bob Marley, Jefferson Airplane, WASP, Simon and Garfunkel, Elvis, George Michael, TLC, Salt 'n Pepa, Boyz II Men, Roy Orbison, Beach Boys, Go West, Roxette, Eric Carmen, Billy Idol, Cher, Cyndi Lauper, Robert Palmer, Modanna, Jacksons, Mariah Carey, Nickelback, Prince, PINK, Silvertide, Liz Phair Modern English, Talking Heads...to name a FEW
TBD

Movies:

Waynes World, Waynes World II, MASK, Green Card, Monster, Pretty Woman, Dave, American President, My Cousin Vinny, My Fellow Americans, Bio Dome, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, School of Rock, Almost Famous, Ladybugs, Back to School, Easy Money, Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead, Drop Dead Fred, Empire Records, Rock Star, Just One of the Guys, While You Were Sleeping, Look Whos Talking Trilogy, Love Potion Number 9, Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, The Associate, Eddie, Beauty and the Beast, Ernest Scared Stupid, Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, Mrs. Doubtfire, Grumpier Old Men, When harry met sally, city slickers II, Night at the roxbury, Ghostbusters II, (VEEGO COMMANDS YOU!!!),Groundhog Day, Last Dragon, Batman Returns, The Muse, Mother, Defending Your Life, Field of Dreams, Groundhog Day, Office Space, Decline of the Western Civilization, The Great Escape, Little Shop of Horrors, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T
Barry from High Fidelity listening to Katrina and the Waves every Monday morning to put him in a spiffy mood!
BARRY: Here's the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for *you*... special. You can't rock out this hard if you tried.

Television:

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and the City, Sopranos, Entourage, L-Word, Lucky Louie, Frasier, Assume the position, Full House (It makes the pain go away), Married with Children, Queer Eye (Guilty pleasure I know), Comedy Central Presents, Step-by-Step, Beavis and Butthead, South Park, Idol (Another guilty pleasure), 2 1/2 men, Married with Children, Unhappily Ever After, Seinfeld, Friends, Desperate Housewives, Talk sex with Sue Johanson (That's right a chick in her 80s talking about dildos), Samantha Brown/Travel Channel, Fraggle Rock

Books:

    Anatomy of Love by Helen Fisher Myths, Lies and Downright Stupidity by John Stossel

Heroes:

“The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else” - Umberto Eco, Italian Novelist and Critic, circa 1932

My Blog

Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

Can you guess the tune from the subject line? BONUS points if you can. Hint: Dynasty album. Uh oh, think I just gave it away.Imagine one negatory 'do'  and it would be a different tune. This coul...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:04:00 PST

Little Boy Blew

He Needed Da Money! Oh!     -Dice Clay
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Tue, 10 Oct 2006 09:41:00 PST

If big breasted women work at Hooters, where do one legged women work?

IHOP.    
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Tue, 26 Sep 2006 11:31:00 PST

Man: Are you jewish?/ Larry David: Would you like to see my penis?

My columbia schedule is as follows: (I've taken a liking to italiac lately...) 241020 Accounting II 245233  Finance 252423 Calculus III 242511 Managerial Economics 424232 Introduction to Pu...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Wed, 23 Aug 2006 11:20:00 PST

Homeless man gets own TV show/Bono SATAN?

The subject line has nothing to do with the blog but for some reason strikes me funny. I woke up at 4A with the news on and fell back to sleep. Wish I could have seen it. Darn. Anyway, I was on a U2 l...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 10:26:00 PST

Hello newman.

I stole a blog, sue me.   Being a 90's Kid is Great! repost...Anybody under the age of 15 should not read this...Just because you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like yo...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:53:00 PST

Devo and Disney pair. Like Kidz Bop on CRACK.

Just when you think the world of music couldn't get any worse... it just did. Falling asleep last night to "Roseanne" on the Disney channel I wake up to a commercial of complete SHOCK and HORROR. Lege...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Thu, 23 Feb 2006 12:14:00 PST

The government says it is ok to masturbate to Tom Sellek...

and his swarthy backside...http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/ques tions.asp Well now that the THE MAN says it's ok to masturbate to Tom Selleck... where's the thrill?- Daniellep.s Anybody el...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Fri, 10 Feb 2006 11:20:00 PST

Boxing is like ballet except there's no music, choreography + the dancers get to hit eachother

HIM vs. HER THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER& 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:30 Weigh-in 2 lbs lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bedfreshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; ope...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Wed, 02 Nov 2005 02:49:00 PST

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch

Dammit, why can I pretend that I actually want to exercise. Whenever I pop in my Billy Blanks video, I just can't seem continue the video. I'll play it, exercise, then stop and go on myspace or grab a...
Posted by Dr. Danni, MD on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST