KingMarty™ profile picture

KingMarty™

When I Am King You Will Be All Against The Wall, For Your Opinions Which Are of No Consequence At Al

About Me

I enjoy buying things i don't need, just for the sake of it. I enjoy solving problems that do not exist. I have been to the moon. I have counted to infinity (twice). I have unraveled the mysteries of Cheesus Slice The Savoury. I shave my testicles and the surrounding playground. My armpits smell like freshly baked bread.However, there is nothing i enjoy more than standing on an upside down bucket in my local town center, with a tin-foil hat on my head, dancing like a robot. And also doing the locomotion. I do trully believe that my dancing IS as dirty as Patric Swayzes, but in reality you can't beat a trusty pair of finger pistols.I also own a monkey butler called Hector, whom i purchased from my friend Sir Alex Hannifin. Hector may lack opposable thumbs, but he does tender to my every whim. However unreasonable. He is the sweetest little guy ever.Once i have had enough of him, i will skin him and make myself some genuine Monkey Trousers™. Good times.

My Interests

I am fantastic at taking naps. Far better than you will ever be. I am also interested in moonwalking, anal electrocution, making my snake spit and buying and selling squirrels.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet Jeff. Jeff's the hippest cat in town. Ain't no doubt when Jeff's around. Pants tight and hair in fenders, he's the 80's nod to 50's splendor. Stay cool, Jeff!

Music:

I like to listen to music that is either angry or speaks of murdering others. And all the other music. Especially when it's me singing in the shower. Badly.

Movies:

I love watching moving pictures and have many dvds. My favorite films feature lubricated items being crammed into many orifices of the leading lady, whilst she squeals like a piggy. But a happy one.

Television:

You may see me on television, as i am one of the cast members in Lost. Look out for me running around with a bow and arrow (why the fuck did no one make a bow and arrow yet!?) in season 6. Erm, spoiler alert. Deal with it.

Books:

I collect books on origami and finger puppets. I sure like finger puppets. Doesn't everyone?

Heroes:

Chuck Norris, the ginger warrior.It is a well known fact that Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is. And also there is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.