*starduster profile picture

*starduster

this is my therapy

About Me

I have found out who I am again by sacrificing my comfort and routine for the unknown and the unpredictable. I have learned that I have the capacity to love unconditionally even though my heart had to be broken in the process. I sweep up the dust that falls from the stars, and I spread it around to whoever I feel deserves some magic. I never worry about running out of anything because when you give it all away it comes back to you tenfold and besdies, I know where to get more. I live a life of knowledge by trial and error, and I'm not letting myself get too caught up in what I wish I could have done differently. I'm paying attention to the signs and I'm hoping that they point me in the direction that is best suited for my path. I'm still making noise and I'm due for a miracle. I'm not a big subscriber to the right/wrong philosophy because it doesn't have to be that way anymore and I'm doing something about it. I don't get fooled anymore by anyone but myself, and I don't get lied to unless I have lied to someone else. I stood on the stage at the Kodak theater in Hollywood and I will again someday. I don't like hypocrites and I'll never be one again. I keep my opinions everywhere but to myself and I'm recklessly a recluse and socially annoyed with the scene. I tried to tell you something but you had to figure it out by yourself, so I just let you go. I have beliefs and ideals that I hold true to myself, but they're not for everyone. I always root for the underdog. I'm frequently misunderstood and sometimes I try too hard to explain myself. I count my blessings on an abacus but I don't get very far because those things don't go up to infinity. I'm patient with my life now because I choose to be, and I have learned that there are lessons that need to be understood before we {or I} can move on to the next stage of "our" lives. I know what an ampersand is & I used one just recently. I'm a coffee beaner, a red wine and vodka drinker, and an oyster sucker all in one day. I have lost my love before, and it's better than never having it in the first place. I don't blame anyone for anything because I hold myself responsible for my actions and agonies, and accountable for my dramas and my dreams and the ambition and drive that got me here. If I hadn't known something as a negative, then I would never recognize it as a positive either...cause I get over the breaks, but sometimes I stumble and fall. I believe It all works out the way It's meant to and It's all happening right now in this moment. I don't hold on to anything and I let go of everything so it may come back to me.Nowadays, you know we all want something better tangled up between the wires and the papers. I don't like it any more then the next man, you know what I'm saying? I just do what I can.

My Interests

waking up to music and remembering dreams that felt as if they really happened, starting over again and keeping my promises to myself, remembering where I come from and honoring traditions that I thought were dead, a shot of jameson and a newcastle to relax, while letting go of the moment and seizing it all the same, staying inspired while not adhering to any particular routine, and having a reason for everything and a soundtrack for the time in between... the unpredictable, the laisse fair, the cashews and peanuts at TJ's and the apple jacks and cinnamon toast crunch I buy somewhere else.... changing the way I look at everything and then changing the way I look at it again, writing my thoughts down just so I can hear myself think, and putting aside the past while not looking too far into the future, taking inventory on a regular basis and weeding out the people that are only along for the ride, deleting phone numbers to avoid late night drunk dials, and getting paid to socialize with all types of souls and spirits, but knowing that they're only in it for the booze, having a plan to be patient in life, and holding the cards that I know make me lucky, mixing cocktails and drinking on the job, driving for hours just to get a change of pace, good coffee, witty comebacks and sarcastic jokes, tactfully creating my reality with every action and carefully choosing the right time to be brutally honest when I know you need it most. Knowing what to say and when to say it, but not sugar coating it just so it goes down easier, honesty as a policy, persistance & integrity and being interested in what I'm looking at, not how I look to you.

I'd like to meet:

people with stars in their eyes

Music:

Afterburner, Counting Crows, Beastie Boys, The Fratellis, NOFX, VNV Nation, Up Up, Down Down, Jawbreaker, Set Your Goals, Amy Winehouse, Spoon, The Verve, Prince, Gym Class Hereos, The Pixies, Anberlin, Albert Hammond Jr., Lily Allen, Pantera, Silversun Pickups, Cloud Cult, Before Today, Bjork, Winterkids, Mewithoutyou, Def Leppard, Depeche Mode, New Order, Get Cape Wear Cape Fly, Journey, Band of Horses, Damien Rice, the Cure, Rilo Kiley, God is an Astronaut, Aereogramme, Saosin, Eluvium, Bad Astronaut, MCR, Muse, Bad Religion, Taking Back Sunday, The Killers, Sugarcult, Ima Robot, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakrs,Bouncing Souls, The Stills, Blue October, Samiam, Tegan & Sara, Joey Cape, The Cars, Duran Duran, The Bangles, Bananarama, Lagwagon, Imogen Heap, We Are Scientists, The Exit, The Honorary Title, Elefant, Wolf Parade, Thrice, Metric, Vendetta Red, *stellastarr, Coheed, Ok Go, Darkest Hour, Stars, The Caesars, System of a Down, Weezer, Fall Out Boy, Bright Eyes, Rocky Votolato, Ringside, Fifteen, Hot Hot Heat, DeathCab, Brand New, Ed Harcourt, Green Day, Razorlight, Tori, The Beatles, The Eels, The Features, Daft Punk and Mr. Frank Sinatra.

Movies:

Anchorman, Goodfellas, A Bronx Tale, Paprika, Tombstone, Karate Kid, Gilbert Grape, Walk the Line, GlenGarry GlenRoss, Run Lola Run, Stand By Me, Wonderland, Heat, Go, Match Point, Career Opportunities, Fight Club, The Matrix, Napolean Dynamite, Living in Oblivion, Garden State, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Edward Scissorhands, Big, The Goonies, Almost Famous, Singles, Waking Life, Point Break, Boogie Nights, 10 Things I Hate ABout You, True Romance, Royal Tenenbaums, Casino, Office Space, Meet the Parents, Ocean's 11, Made, High Fidelity, Say Anything, and peanutbuttersarcasm

Television:

C.S.I., The Sopranos, Entourage, Family Guy, Extras, the Office, The History Channel, Tennis, and whatever programs intrigue me while I wait for the next big thing to happen.

Books:

Zen&The Art of MM. Conversations with God, Illusions, Weird California, Hollywood Babylon, Needful Things, Nothing in This book is True, But it's Exactly How Things Are, Ash Wednesday, & Life: the Book by me (still being written)

Heroes:

Anyone who follows their heart regardless of where it takes them, & anyone who chose a different path in life than what they feel was expected of them. You are never alone.

My Blog

you're so cool

I couldnt help but notice the irony of the summer. There were people shelling out memories over a few glasses of wine, and we sold our souls for a trip around the world. I could tell in an instant t...
Posted by *starduster on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 09:31:00 PST

today.

I wake up fully rested for the first time in a month. I'm not scared to go outside anymore and I feel like there's something I need to do. I pick up a smoke and a sit back a little and I think about...
Posted by *starduster on Mon, 11 Jun 2007 09:33:00 PST

Monday Memorial

Maybe things are getting better and I just have been too busy to notice. Maybe things have gotten worse and I've been masking the detail with my 50 hour work weeks. I keep telling myself that I'm go...
Posted by *starduster on Mon, 28 May 2007 08:57:00 PST

twenty-seven

I hope you didn't mind when I saw you turn into nothing less than nothing new. Before you wait to sleep it off,How little is enough? What can you do?Before you decide to make the last mistake, withdra...
Posted by *starduster on Sat, 19 May 2007 08:54:00 PST

I got something stickin' in my eye

I couldn't tell you the last time I've been so proud of myself and so disappointed at the same time. If I had a dollar for ever twenty that I wasted this week, I'd be able to eat breakfast at McDona...
Posted by *starduster on Sat, 12 May 2007 03:47:00 PST

violins

I am just another fool, and I have to keep telling myself that.I am just a hypocrite, and I have to keep calling you one.And I forgot to bite my tongue, as my assumption, is the mother of all mistakes...
Posted by *starduster on Thu, 03 May 2007 03:04:00 PST

shot down in a blaze of glory

My eyes were itching with uncertainty and my words were stumbling out of my mouth as awkward as the wonder years felt to Kevin Arnold. ANd I stood there on the balcony complicating my mind because I ...
Posted by *starduster on Thu, 03 May 2007 02:55:00 PST

hollywood stride

As I would have guessed it, even before it happened it was set in motion like a well oiled machine. If I was so much more a visionary than a prophet I would have imagined this life a long time ago. ...
Posted by *starduster on Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:55:00 PST

the wonder years

It was a time of innocence and a time for confidences. It was the moment when I realized that the life I live doesn't have to be what someone else had in mind for me. I remember the feeling well whe...
Posted by *starduster on Tue, 17 Apr 2007 11:21:00 PST

pipe dream

I say, you say. It doesn't really matter what comes out of my mouth because you just might have a rebuttle for everything and a story for every scene. Those words that make you feel safe and comfort...
Posted by *starduster on Sat, 14 Apr 2007 12:24:00 PST