"Drawing, painting, and communicating." Next would be thinking, drinking, and winking... at my girlfriend. I enjoy sable paint brushes, smelling gouache paint, making art that makes me laugh, and wearing vintage suits of questionable taste. Other interests include Edsels, B-card Mopars, terrible vin-
tage guitar amps, pastel col-
ors, looking at vintage ephemera, and laughing my ass off at simultaneously bad and beautiful glam rock. My favorite foods are Asian (Japanese/Thai/Chinese) and Italian/Greek, but I'm a total sucker for southern cooking. (A good rib explodes my mind.) One of my dreams is to kick the buns of your brain courtesy my inane, possibly
charming art. I like the idea of being a down-to-earth guy who dresses like a stuffy blowhard. I love the world and all the people in it, except terrorists, defense attorneys, most real estate agents, Machiavelians, almost all salesmen, Bill Maher, Rush Limbaugh, Carlos Mencia, and Kimora Lee Simmons -- they can all gently burn in the low-heated fires of semi-Hell.
You Should Drive a Pink Car, Bro.
You're the type of driver who really loves your car.
You can make a car last for ages -- or take good care of a vintage ride. You're indepen-
dent, creative, and very expressive. You consider your car a part of you... and you want to make it as funky as possible.
Marc Bolan, David Bowie, Rudyard Kipling, Graham Chapman, King Solomon, and Teddy Roosevelt (oh, and Jesus, of course). We'd all smoke tobacco pipes and talk about kicking the world's many a bun. Bolan and Bowie would jam, Rudyard would recite Anglophilic poetry, Graham would call everything "too silly," King Solomon would contemplate the meaning of it all, Teddy would make us go hiking and bear-wrestling, and Jesus would smuggle us all into Heaven.
Oh, my. Music makes me go, so here goes -- T. Rex, David Bowie, third- and fourth-rate glam (like the Rats and Iron Cross), Can, Rolling Stones, classic metal (Motörhead and early Metallica), Black Sabbath (pre-Dio), sometimes Prince, the Stooges, Gang of Four, (the great) Lou Reed, Eagles of Death Metal, Weezer, the Hives, Bantam Rooster, the Futureheads, Talking Heads, the Cars, Led Zeppelin, Queen, Boston, Dinosaur Jr. (!!!), Django Reinhardt, Les Paul and Mary Ford, Michael Jackson, Barry White, the Chi-Lites, Television, Chicory Tip, and the Sweet. Some of my all-time favorite songs are Sound and Vision (David Bowie), Cadillac (T. Rex), Jet (Paul McCartney), More Today than Yesterday (the Spiral Starecase), Fox on the Run (the Sweet), Electric Funeral (Black Sabbath), I Would Die 4 U (Prince), I.O.U. (Chicory Tip), and P.Y.T. (Michael Jackson). As a matter of fact, I like all acronym songs. *Hahaha* Musical turn-ons include gimmicky production (like incidental sound effects and dumb guitar tones), solid and loud drumming, and hooks, hooks, hooks! I really, really love music, and it's essential to my creativity and general well-being.
Your Band Name is...
The Tender Hussies
Mr. Mom (!!!), the Indiana Jones series, anything with Pam Grier, anything with Stallone (before 1990), anything that'd make Reagan smile, Sorority Boys ("well, I'm addicted to porn!") Dark City, Tron, Logan's Run (such a sentimental favorite), the Time Machine, Airplane!, Better Off Dead, all Monty Python movies, Rock and Roll High School, Goonies, almost all John Hughes films, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and the original Pinocchio by Disney, which may be the perfect movie. Then again, the absolute perfect movie would be Ronald Reagan and Stallone Uzi-ing their way off an alien planet rife with pterodactyls and super-hot black women with '70s bodies (not skinny-ass, modern Hollywood crap -- I want some jelly for crying out loud). Did I mention it's a Western?
Your Movie Connoisseur Quotient:
60%
You are well on your way to becoming a movie buff. You've seen many of the great films, and you have even probably developed an expertise in a few genres.
Anything about animals (especially sea life), old SNL re-runs, Korean soap operas, Monty Python (a truly glorious show), Happy Days, Ren and Stimpy, anything by the incomparable Chuck Jones (!!!), Charles in Charge, He-Man, Davey and Goliath -- basically a lot of anti-present-
day TV. Reality TV huffs a diaper, and many of today's celebrities should politely disappear. If there was a $600 pay-per-view where Bill Maher, Rush Limbaugh, Carlos Mencia, and Kimora Lee Simmons all blew up on-
screen at the same time, I'd pay twice as much to see it.
TeslaVision's Best Viewed from...
Wardenclyffe Tower
The Bible, Logan's Run, and Moby Dick (even though I haven't read it yet).
Most Poets Have the Good Sense to Rip Off the...
This crazy book's a trip. Rip it off -- I guarantee Pulitzers, Nobels, and even Tony awards.
Marc Bolan, David Bowie, Rudyard Kipling, Graham Chapman, King Solomon, and Teddy Roosevelt (oh, and Jesus, of course). Déjà vu -- I've said all this before. See who I'd like to meet
north of here.