Brett profile picture

Brett

Hot Jazz made my hair this healthy!

About Me

I hold high level degrees in drinking, copulation, looting and sudden death. I'm a Cancer which means I'm compatible with Aquarius and Chemo Therapy, and I don't think about baseball while I'm having sex.

My Interests

I'm interested in people who have 'pimped out' their myspace pages. My question is, does it instantly make you feel like a total fag inside or does it come later when in a fit of depression you slowly realize the facade you've spent so much time cultivating for this drab online community simultaneously represents, embodies and causes the emptiness within that you now realize has been there all along?

I'd like to meet:

Someone who's "About Me" section doesn't start off with "Let's see." Let's not. I'm looking for a quadriplegic genius to Google shit for me when I'm out. Also, if you own camera and/or lighting equipment please dismiss all the above nonsense and promptly message me with your address, (specific) instructions on where you keep your spare key, and a brief catalog of the common time one can count on you to be away from the home.

Music:

The only cd I have ever owned is a scratched and burned copy of "disc 2" of Michael Jackson's "Dangerous" album. I have always hated it, though I have grown especially tired of it since listening to it for the first time several weeks ago.

Movies:

I'm tired of all the attempts to put a dent in popular culture. Dialogue written for others to quote, in a feeble attempt to inject some terrible "catch phrase" into the "collective unconscious" so one can sit back and say, "Spielberg may have made Jaws but I coined a phrase!"

Books:

As I looked on, through prismatic layers of light, dry-lipped, focusing my lust and rocking slightly under my newspaper, I felt that my perception of Lolita, if properly concentrated upon, might be sufficient to have me attain a beggar's bliss immediately; but, like some predator that prefers a moving prey to a motionless one, I planned to have this pitiful attainment coincide with one of the various girlish movements she made now and then as she read, such as trying to scratch the middle of her back and revealing a stippled armpit--but fat Haze suddenly spoiled everything by turning to me and asking me for a light, and starting a make-believe conversation about a fake book by some popular fraud.

Heroes:

Spiderman, for kissing me upside down.

My Blog

My Autobiography

The early years of my life were quite boring so I will begin later on.I was a longshoreman in Brazil, where I was lucky to find a job after riding stolaway on a pirate boat which had been subsequently...
Posted by Brett on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 07:07:00 PST

Poem!

Roses are red, and ready for pluckingYou're an actress, and ready for auditions
Posted by Brett on Wed, 14 Mar 2007 11:39:00 PST

This is what I hear, when you ask me to comment

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Put 'em together and what have you got bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo It'll do magic believe it or not bibbidi-bobbid...
Posted by Brett on Wed, 07 Jun 2006 02:29:00 PST

Round Table

    The door bell rang. I knew I could finish off Dora before the pizza guy got impatient and left. I didn't spend an hour inflating her for nothing. She wasn't totally full of air eith...
Posted by Brett on Thu, 19 Jan 2006 06:34:00 PST

Manuel!

             Manuel! By Brett Johnson   The offices of the Northern Illinois Manual Company were cramped, not with office supplies or in...
Posted by Brett on Tue, 13 Dec 2005 02:22:00 PST

A Very Short Story

I love it when people come into my restaurant and fight. Yesterday I heard trouble brewing with a young couple at a table in the back so I grabbed the coffee pot, figuring I would take it to someone n...
Posted by Brett on Sat, 12 Nov 2005 04:57:00 PST

Deleted Friends

To all those whose friend requests i accepted and then deleted i'm sorry. I decided that i'm only going to accept those from now on if i know you or think you're someone i specifically want to know. I...
Posted by Brett on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST