Basketball, Basketball and more basketball. We love the outdoors. Music, geneology, fishing, drawing, swimming, animals, video games, collecting bugs, gardening, sleeping (Crystal and Erica), Motorcycling, biking, fighting, tattling, hugging, volunteering, cooking, baking...
I'd like to meet:
Jesus..Our daughter Shanaye in heaven. Our four angels in heaven. My sister Amanda Boylan. My sister Diane (again) Our future children. My friend Pam.
Music:
All kinds. Country, Rock, Alternative and oldies.
Books:
"When Love is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas An excellent book on Reactive Attachment parenting.
Heroes:
Our daughter Shanaye 6/15/79~11/04/07. Our children--I'm so proud of who they are.
Click HERE to get this video code!
Why do we foster? Because its a reality. Its a need in our society. There are so many children in care. There are so many parents out there trying and not knowing any different. There are too many abused children who don't deserve to be in a shelter or a hall. There are women in domestic abuse situations who aren't able to escape. There is poverty. There are addictions--not of the choice of the child. There are children who suffer. Ones who come home only to be sent out to find cans for money. There are families with too many fathers. There's drug abuse. There are "parents" who look at children as objects and things and they use them as such. There are children without living parents or relatives. There are children who were the wrong sex, or had a disablity or were of the seed of the wrong man. There are children who are beat just to be beaten. These are the reason on why we foster. They are children and need to be so. If you ever consider fostering, you have to be able to forgive in order to help the healing. It can be a rewarding experience and it can be a sad one. If we can provide a "window of hope" for just one child, then its all been worth it.
Courtesy of SparkleTags.comI am a mom to children of Reactive Attachment Disorder or simply Attachment disorder. Although it is not simple. There is no medication to heal this disorder. The healing comes through bonding of the Mother figure in the child's life. In parenting a RAD child, you cannot parent them as a attached child. Most of the people in prisions are Attachment disordered or Reactive Attachment Disordered. They lack cause and effect thinking. I think the figures were quoted to be around 85% in my state alone. I have a child who is RAD. He has come along ways in healing. When he came to me, he fit into 12 month old clothing, although he was 2 years old. When I first picked him up, he bit me and stared into my eyes waiting for a reaction. His first dinner he ate till he threw up. He would eat out of the trash. He head banged. He'd hurt himself and never feel the pain. He was kicked out of daycare and also public school when he got older. He was violent, obsessed with fire and very defiant. To know my child now, you wouldn't dream it was him. He is healing. We took him back to infancy, even gave him the bottle. We did attachment therapy. We parent him different then our other children. In fact all of our children are not parented in the same way. I have included some information about Reactive Attachment Disorder below:
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
There are several different sub-types of Reactive Attachment Disorders.
The ambivalent sub-type can be described as an "in-your-face" child. This is the child who is angry, oppositional, and who can be violent.
The anxious sub-type is clingy, anxious, shows separation anxieties, among other symptoms.
The avoidant sub-type is often overlooked. This child is very compliant, agreeable, and superficially engaging. This child often has a lack of depth to his emotions and functions as an "as-if" child; meaning that he tries to do and say what you want, but is not genuine, authentic, or real in emotional engagement.
Finally, there is the disorganized subtype, this child often presents with bizarre symptoms.
The words 'attachment' and 'bonding' are now used interchangeably. Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder exhibit many of the following symptoms:
IN INFANTS:
Weak Crying Response.
Rage.
Constant Whining.
Sensitivity to Touch/Cuddling.
Poor Sucking Response.
Poor Eye Contact.
No Reciprocal Smile Response.
Indifference to Others.
IN CHILDREN:
Lack of Conscience Development.
Superficially Charming.
Lack of Eye Contact (except when lying).
Inability to give and Receive Affection.
Extreme Control Issues.
Destructive to Self, Others, Animals and Property.
No Impulse Control.
Unusual Eating Patterns (hoarding, gorging, or refusal to eat).
Unsuccessful Peer Relationships.
Incessant Chatter in Order to Control.
Very Demanding.
Unusual speech patterns, mumbling, robotic speech, talking very softly except when raging.
Associated Features
Learning Delays and Disorders.
Depressed I.Q. scores.
Differential Diagnosis:
Some disorders have similar symptoms. The clinician, therefore, in his diagnostic attempt, has to differentiate against the following disorders which need to be ruled out to establish a precise diagnosis.
ADD.
Anti-Social Personality Disorder.
Conduct Disorder.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Developmental Disorder of Receptive Language.
Socio-Emotional Problems.
Mental Retardation.
Schizophrenia.
Rett's syndrome.
Cause:
From conception through approximately the third year of life the child needs to bond in order to develop physical, psychological and emotional health. This early attachment is the foundation for the child's ability to feel empathy, compassion, trust and love.
Children with attachment issues and those with Reactive Attachment Disorder have experienced a break in this bonding cycle. This break can be the result of:
Genetic Predisposition.
Maternal Ambivalence Toward the Pregnancy.
Traumatic Prenatal Experience.
In-Utero Exposure to Alcohol and/or Drugs.
Birth Trauma.
Neglect.
Abuse.
Abandonment.
Separation from Birth Parents.
Inconsistent or Inadequate Day Care.
Divorce.
Multiple Moves and/or Placements.
Institutionalization (e.g. children adopted from orphanages).
Undiagnosed or Untreated painful illness (e.g. untreated ear infections).
Medical Conditions which Prohibit Adequate Touch (e.g. child who is in an incubator or body cast).
Treatment:
Traditional 'talk' or 'play' therapies do not work with these children because such therapies depend upon the child's ability to develop a trusting relationship with the therapist. Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder are unable to form any genuine relationships.
Therefore parenting must be very structured and very nurturing. Natural consequences, not lectures work best. If the child does not want to eat and you've put a meal in front of them which they will not eat, If the child complains and begins to ruin the mealtime, remove them from the table. The key is to not let such a child make everyone feel like she does. Such children are very good at externalizing their feelings and getting everyone else to feel as miserable as the child does.Counseling and Psychotherapy [ See Therapy Section ]:Many therapeutic methods are employed: re-parenting, role-playing, therapist-supervised parent holdings, modeling of behaviors, behavioral shaping, cognitive restructuring, Gestalt Therapy, family therapy and general psychotherapy.
Effective therapy requires a team approach which must always include the child's parents.
A Hundred years from now
....it will not matter what my
bank account was, the sort of
house I lived in or the kind of
car I drove
.....but the world may be
different because I was
important in the life of a
CHILD
