Toddisms(or: stupid things I think about)
If a frown is just a smile turned upside down, then your nose would be under your mouth and you'd be a freak.
I always find it funny when people say "I finally got a real human on the line." As if that's a good thing.
If I have issues, then my name is People Magazine.
If I get the warm fuzzies over you, it's probably just my heating pad.
Sometimes I ponder strange things--such as--what would have The Price Is Right been like with Clive Barker instead of Bob Barker?
Atheism gets you a free membership to the Witness Protection Program.
Pot Luck is almost always Bad Luck.
In a book, does the appendix really serve a function?
I cried over spilt milk once. It contained strychnine and was meant for a really mean teacher.
If I am your sunshine, there's probably an eclipse.
The only real loser is one who doesn't realize it.
Tradition is usually tantamount to tedium.
Why do young people like small, fast cars and big houses and old folks small houses and big, slow cars?
The fastest route to insanity lies in trying to figure people out. Even Mapquest can't get you there quicker.
Always put your best foot forward, even if it's the one you snatched from the morgue.
Schizophrenia is what made me who he is today.
If you travel by Quatrain, will you arrive in the future?
I quit smoking once...after three fireman beat the shit out of me with blankets.
Every child counts...except for the dumb ones who can't count or spell.
My momma always said "Son, not everyone in life is going to like you. Especially everyone."
I'm going to start drinking heavily so I can go into rehab and come out refreshed so I can do something with my life.
Temperance is the art of having patience with people without turning them into patients.
The proliferation of manking began when we learned to screw. The end began when we learned to screw each other.
They say "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." A) What the fuck does that mean? and B) Who the hell wants birds in their bush? Who wants a chirping crotch? Who wants their eyes pecked out? What the hell am I talking about?
Why have just one chip on your shoulder when you can have a whole bag of them?
The burden of intelligent humans is to suffer at the hands of the stupid ones.
If you can read my body language, you'll notice it's mostly swearing.
If you think you can turn me straight or convert me to your religion, you might as well try waterboarding a fucking mermaid and see where it gets you.
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I like almost any type of music, except for heavy metal, rap, and shit-kicker country. I like dance/house music and classic 70's funk/disco. I'm into music that transports me somewhere or fuses with my imagination. I can't stand pure noise or sappy or sad love songs.
Scissor Sisters, The Killers, The Doors, Stone Roses, Social Distortion, Pink Floyd, Cher, Tina Turner, Shirley Bassey, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Lauper, Patsy Cline, Morrissey, Psyche, Blur, Rosanne Cash, Concrete Blonde, Leonard Cohen, Chris Isaak, Dolly Parton, Smithereens, Culture Club, Pet Shop Boys, Type O Negative, Henry Rollins, Garbage, Elvis, Blondie, Violent Femmes, Crowded House, Goldfrapp, Amy Winehouse, White Stripes
Bond is Back - Quantum Of Solace
A few of my favorites:
300
A Fish Called Wanda
Airplane!
Alien Series
Amadeus
American Psycho
Apocalypse Now
Bad Santa
Batman Begins
Best In Show
Black Christmas(1974)
Black Sabbath
Blazing Saddles
Blue Velvet
The Bride Of Frankenstein
Caddyshack
Candyman
Carnival Of Souls
Clerks
Club Dread
The Color Purple
Dead Alive
The Departed
The Descent
Die Hard films
Dirty Harry Films
Donnie Darko
Driving Miss Daisy
Ed Wood
Event Horizon
The Exorcist Films
Far From Heaven
Fargo
The Fly
Friday The 13th Films
The Frighteners
Fright Night
The Godfather films
Halloween films
Hammer Films
The Haunting('60)
High Tension
The Hills Have Eyes('77 Remake)
House Of Wax (V Price)
Indiana Jones Films
Interview With The Vampire
James Bond Series
Jaws
Kill Bill 1 And 2
L.A. Confidential
Living Dead films(George Romero)
The Maltese Falcon
Mildred Pierce
Mississippi Burning
Monty Python And The Holy Grail
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Moonstruck
The Naked Gun films
Naked Lunch
Natural Born Killers
Near Dark
Network
No Country For Old Men
Nosferatu
Opera
Pan's Labyrinth
Porky's
Prince Of Darkness
Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert
Psycho( Psycho II, III)
Pulp Fiction
Ravenous
Re-Animator
RoboCop
Run Lola Run
Saved!
Serial Mom
Shortbus
Sin City
Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan
Star Wars Saga
Suspiria
Taxi Driver
Texas Chainsaw Massacre films
There Will Be Blood
The Last Supper
The Silence Of The Lambs
The Thing('82)
To Kill A Mockingbird
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
Unforgiven
V For Vendetta
Young Frankenstein
Guilty Pleasures
I'm not sure what they call certain films guilty pleasures. I mean, it's not like you're shoving a wheelbarrow full of fried twinkies in your face, unless you're my aunt Bonnie, who inhales sausage balls during the holidays(but that's another story). I guess whoever coined the term, it's a nice way of saying it's of a lower class of cinema. Be that as it may, fine entertainment is fine entertainment, crude, sleazy, campy, or otherwise. So here's my list and I don't feel a doggone bit guilty.
Road House
Mommie Dearest
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Exorcist II: The Heretic
The Manitou
Death Wish sequels
Most John Waters films
Ilsa Series(She-Wolf of the SS, Harem Keeper of the Oil Shieks, Tigress of Siberia, The Wicked Warden)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Eating Raoul
"You-fucked-with-the-wrong-bitch"Pam Grier drive-in classics like Coffy and Foxy Brown
Favorite Directors:
Pedro Almodovar
Dario Argento
Mario Bava
John Carpenter
Cohen Brothers
Francis Ford Coppola
David Cronenberg
Guillermo Del Toro
Atom Egoyan
Stuart Gordon
Alfred Hitchcock
David Lynch
Ridley Scott
John Waters
Paul Thomas Anderson
James Whale
Favorite Thespians/Performers/Comedians
Vincent Price
Joan Crawford
Christopher Lee
Peter Cushing
Charles Bronson
Clint Eastwood
Julianne Moore
Sigourney Weaver
Roddy McDowall
Montgomery Clift
Janet Leigh
Tony Perkins
Jamie Lee Curtis
Faye Dunaway
Christopher Walken
Dianne Ladd
Ellen Burstyn
Ryan Gosling
Terence Stamp
Parker Posey
Brad Dourif
Jennifer Coolidge
Madeline Kahn
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
George Carlin
Lisa Lampanelli
Margaret Cho
Guy Pearce
Christian Bale
There Will Be Blood - I drink your milkshake!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkDrpuCkAd4
Dexter,
The Daily Show, Bill Maher, The Office, X-Files, South Park, Six FeetUnder, I Love Lucy, The Jeffersons, Millennium, Sanford and Son, The Golden Girls, Oz, Little Britain, Wonder Woman, Strangers With Candy, Reno 911, Penn and Teller: Bullshit, Twin Peaks, Drawn Together
Gallery De Blanche
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Frank Herbert's Dune, John Irving, Anne Rice, David Sedaris, Clive Barker,Stephen King, William Peter Blatty