I'd like to meet:
stalk stardom
mood:date post: 9.23.07"After all, all I have in my mind,It's just silence all around.
A thousand times, I have tried to find
pieces of dreams.. visions and sounds;
.. And then I pray for better days."
[ start ]
Blah. What a blah day. What a blah existance.
Some dweeb sent me an MS message and my response wouldn't go through bc I wasn't added as a friend.
"Was that intentional?", I wondered. Maybe to keep the convo one sided..?
Anyway, I've been trying to stay out of the blah slump by repeating positive messages to myself throughout the day.
Thing is, I feel defeated.
To be happy, one has to work at it or just "be".
For me, it's always been easy to just disappear and start over, but for the first time in my life, I'm stuck in a spot where I can't budge.
And to be exposed to the people and situations that bring me down everyday is stunting my ability to recover, then move on..
I know I can do anything, but seeing & accepting the disappointment(s) on a daily basis is changing me for the worse.
I just need hugs, I swear.
It sounds weak, but I honestly believe having someone who holds you at least once a day is the best remedy. The sense of touch is powerful.
I'm gonna go hug my dog against his will now.
[ end ]
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_____________________
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If I had to describe myself in just a few words, i'd probably sound cliche and
tell you, "I'm not what I seem to be", but I guess "what I seem to be" is merely
my perception (or misunderstanding..?) of what people think, based on what they reflect to me.
With that said, here are a few examples:
I'll meet people and they won't say 2 words to me, but I'll go out of my way to initiate conversation, yet nothing happens on their end.
Weird, right..? You'd think someone would reciprocate the friendliness, but instead they act more awkard around me. Usually I'll just leave people alone, and then they get all bitchy and forget I was nice to begin with, but screw those idiots, I don't have the ability to read your damn mind; just learn to be civil, at least.
Next, I'll meet people who make too big a deal out of me. I'm not famous, rich, nor do I have any hookups/connections, so we can drop the act.
Lastly, I meet folks who come at me in attack mode. This is always manages to amaze me because I'm not an angry person. I actually like to be happy and/or in love, but depending on how serious the offense, you might've met my alter ego, Ninja Natassha, who will whoop your ass so quick n so severe, you won't recall it happening.
Regardless, I'm really just this girl who has alot to offer
once I feel comfortable, just like many of you reading this.
I've moved around alot, living alone since I was a teenager and over time I've seen so much, stepping outside of who I used to be and changing along the way. I've become pretty flexible when it comes to compromising with even the things I hate, because I realized that I wasn't so easy to work with at one point either, so whatever the issue about me that scares you: because I'm light skinned, of another ethnicity, wear clothing that's not your style, or choose no friends over alot of fake ones shouldn't be reason to not gimme a chance.
::about me::
I'm a 24 y/o New Yawker, originally from PA
who splits her time between working for the ER overnight and live modeling (brand ambassador/promotional/trades show/spokes-modeling) in whatever free time I have.
::i love::
PIZZA!, The Sims, art/music (creating or observing), Cha Thai, kissing&hugging, galbi, laughing, secrets, stilettos, phone etiquette, lip gloss, romantic gestures, stretchy jeans, day dreaming, painted toenails, Blueberry Oolong Tea, oldschool R&B jams, tattoos/piercings on a hawt guy, cooking, talkin about my gas to my coworkers while they cringe, anything glittery- including rhinestones, shimmery powders, and pretty eyes/smiles.