Homebase, B & Q, Tesco's, Debenhams, Marks and Spencer, BHS, WH Smiths, IKEA, Sunday lunch, Barrymore, BBC 1 on a saturday night, reasonably priced grooming products, Any theme park off the M1, gardening, cooking and reading.
ANYONE THAT LOATHES THE FOLLOWING:
1. Irony
2. Conceptual artists.
3. Flyer's that use the words 'Anarchy' or 'revolution.'
4. 'Chill-out rooms.'
5. Most Young people.
6. 'Cultural' festivals and carnivals, mainly involving a couple of wankers dressed as birds on stilts.
7. Burlesque strippers: (Those who write a dissertation in 'theoretical art practice' and then take their clothes off.)
8. Raves (old and 'nu')
9. Drugs that make people ramble on about nothing.
10. Palestinian head-scarves warn by brain-dead teenage girls.
11. Genital piercings as a conversation starter.
12. Crap Tattoos as a conversation starter.
13. Kurt Cobain T-shirts.
14. Ethnic Tack ( Indonesian CD racks, Totem Poles etc).
15. The words 'limited edition.'
16. Yoga
17. Che Guevara Posters.
18. Camden Lock. Thank god they built a 'Holiday-Inn' there.
19. Very large areas of Brighton.
20. Moral relativism. (i.e But whose REALLY worse? Ronald McDonald or Saddam Hussain?)
21. Middle class males, who prefer to speak like 50's cockneys.
22. 'Fans'
23. 'Relationships.'
24. Hedonism
25. Women with more lip-balm that brain.
26. Anybody that uses the word 'random.'
i.e 'I met ----- last night, it was like so random. Then we randomly went to this random party.'
27. Teenagers that feel the need to amplify their voices on the Night Bus, so as to confirm their youthful presence and remind us how stupid they are.
28. The word 'Blatently.'
29. V.I.P areas, wrist bands, pubescent girls (in that order).
30. The term 'Chav' used to make middle-class people feel clever.
31.Paranormal investigators:
"i can hear ghosts"
"no, you can't"
"i'm just telling you what the spirits are telling me"
"i made it all up, i never had an uncle walter"
"well, the spirits tell me differently"
"what does that even mean?!"
SHITE BURLESQUE ALTERNATIVE IMAGE OF THE WEEK:
Image from 'Edward Lear's Nonsense Verses.' 2006.
Norman Wisdom please.
The Cosby Show. Thats it. Nothing else.
Books?! I'd rather go to Homebase.
Bruce Forsyth