Jake - ProfilesArchive

About Me

You know what I'm goin do? I'm goin get myself a 1967 El Dorado convertible, hot pink, with whale skin hub caps and all leather cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights YEAH! And I'm goin drive around in that baby at 115 MPH getin 1 mile per gallon, suckin down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old fashion non bio-degradable styrofoam containers. And when I'm done suckin down those greeseball burgers I'm going wipe my mouth with the American flag and I'm goin toss those styrofoam containers right out the side, and theres not a damn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we go the bombs thats why, two words: Nuclear Fuckin Weapons OKAY! Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want, they can have a big democracy cake walk right though the middle of Tianamin square, and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs OKAY! John Waynes not dead, he's frozen, and is soon as we find a cure for cancer were goin thaw out The Duke and he's goin be pretty pissed off, you know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Multiply that by 15 million times. Thats how pissed off The Dukes going be.
Get More MySpace Layouts like mine at MyspaceBrand.com

My Interests

Playing with my Playstation 3 or X Box 360. Sleeping is also a favorite. Layout powered by HOT FreeLayouts

I'd like to meet:

The people that invented Ice Cream and Salami.

Music:

Most everything except country and rap. Favorites: Slipknot, Chevelle, Alice in Chains, Mudvayne, Breaking Benjamin, ZZ Top, Shinedown, Disturbed, Stone Sour, Buckcherry, System of a Down, Seether, Metallica, Hinder, CKY, Guns N'Roses, Tool, Godsmack, Pantara, and of course Tom Jones.

Movies:

In no particular order, Bean, Caddyshack, Super Troopers, Old School, Mars Attacks, Dumb and Dumber, Zoolander, Beavis & Butthead Do America, CKY, CKY2K, CKY 3, CKY 4, Full Metal Jacket, South Park Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, Monkey Bone, Anchor Man, Office Space, Ladies Man, Euro Trip, Signs, Joes Apartment, Desperate Living, Amazon Women on the Moon, Kingpin, Red Dragon, Naked Gun Series, Basketball, Howard Stern Private Parts, Jackass the Movie, Van Wilder, Road Trip, Dude Where's my Car, Termenator, Leathal Weapon series, Beerfest, Talladega nights, and Monsters Ball.

Television:

I hate reality shows. Favorites include: Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! South Park, Iron Chef, Cops, Reno 911, 24, Lost, Robot Chicken, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, Moral Oral, Family Guy, Metalocalypse. Slayin the Chess Dragon

Books:

I think the last book I read was in 5th or 6th grade. Making it about three years more than a decade since I last read a book.

Heroes:

Two time UFC heavyweight champion, two time UFC light heavyweight champion, and current UFC heavyweight champion, 43 year old, Randy 'The Natural' Couture.

My Blog

Hand Banana

Meatwad longed for a dogFrylock said he could do thatall he needed was a computerand a 5,500 gallon nuke waste vatMaster Shake told Carlhe should check outbackCarl wanted to know morebut specifics, Sh...
Posted by Jake on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 08:03:00 PST

uncle stan, the lotto man

this poems for my uncle stanmost know him as the lotto manjust because his skin is tandoesn't mean he is a mexicanhe really hails from japanthough i think he is americandoes not fly like peter pandri...
Posted by Jake on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 05:50:00 PST

useing poetry to fire tweaker employees

So at my store I have a employee that calls in sick at least once every two weeks. In the last couple days she has been taking money out of her till. She drinks at work and she is going to be fired. ...
Posted by Jake on Thu, 08 Mar 2007 01:22:00 PST

Black Midget

midgetWatch the video by clicking the link that says midget above. The poem was inspired after watching the video.Drunk midget black manrunning just as fast as he canhe is trying to out run the copbi...
Posted by Jake on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 12:05:00 PST

some haiku for you

about to bust loosementioned the big giant mooseto his friend the goose Robo Cop once saidi can not pee in my bedcause my dick is lead a cow in the fieldenjoying a piece of grassman is l...
Posted by Jake on Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:29:00 PST

Robo Cop 3

I am about to bust loose thats what robo cop saidEverything going onwas making him crazy in the headAll that Robo wantedwas to be called Murphey againand not to look likea big metal garbege canhis par...
Posted by Jake on Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:17:00 PST

love is like a fish

I WISH I MAYI WISH I MIGHTHAVE THE WISHI WISH TONIGHTI WISH YOU WOULDLEAVE ME ALONEAND NEVER AGAINCALL ME ON THE PHONEYOU REALLY BUG MEVERY, VERY BADDO NOT TALK TO MEYOU MAKE ME MADYOU ARE ALWAYS AROU...
Posted by Jake on Thu, 15 Sep 2005 08:07:00 PST

rain

i was going out to b.b.q.put some rib-eyes out to thawthere was a crow on the fencegoing caw, caw, cawi opened up the b.b.q.turned on the propanefelt a droplet on my headlooked up as it st...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

i hate spiders

i am sitting at homein a chair all aloneacross the rome on a tableringing noises from the phonei do not want to anwser itso alone in my chairby myself i sitthen i see itcrawling across the floorit loo...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Crack Heads are Good

does a cow not look gracefulrunning though a feild?does a cow not look graceful as a steak being grilled?does a pig not get hurtwhen it trips outside?does a pig not get hurt when you kick its be...
Posted by Jake on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST