Playin a drum for the IL Drumline! And ya know, trying to find stuff to do kill time, chillin with the CREAM TEAM! Drinkin on Friday nights, doing justice and killing bad guys with my super-partner, SUPER DAVE! Drinkin on Saturday nights, smokin too much in the MEAD HALL! Hell, even drinkin on Wednesday nights, goin' to Wal-Mart at 2 in the mornin on the night before Thanksgiving with Andy so he can get a new magazine to read while he's watchin the Browns win the SUPER BOWL! Makin fun of all the high kids that go to Jack-in-the-Box after we get done in Wal-Mart, gettin krunk in the MEAD HALL! Getting in and out of all the SKETCH situations I find myself in, gettin yelled at by my dad for drinkin all the liquor, chillin in the MEAD HALL at 4 in the morning trying to convince myself I'm not an alcoholic...!
I'd like to meet:
Chuck Norris.....
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
3. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
4. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
5. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
7. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
8. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
9. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
10. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
11. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
12. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
13. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
14. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
15. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
16. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
17. Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
18. When God said, "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said, "Say 'please'."
19. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
20. When Chuck Norris is late......Time better slow the fuck down.
a style="color: #FF0000;"
Music:
So tell me: How long do you think you can go before you lose it all?
Before they call your bluff and watch you fall?
I don't know, but I'd like to think I had control,
At some point, then I let it go and lost my soul!
Sit tight, but the revolution's years away.
I'm losin' faith, and I'm runnin' low on things to say!
So, I guess I have no choice but to regurgitate.
The tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite!
.....Oh! To have died that night, I realized it wouldn't last!
Our days were numbered and the Reaper tipped the hourglass!
The final Mayday of our sinking ship had come and passed!
.....Oh! To the West, you don't know what it is you're runnin' from,
And everybody's laughin' loud!
Your last chance to make your mother and your father proud!
-A Moment of Silence
Streetlight Manifesto
Movies:
Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results
Gregariousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Sociability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Poise |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Leadership |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Provocativeness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Self-Disclosure |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Talkativeness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Group Attachment ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Extroversion |||||||||||||||||| 60%
Understanding |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Warmth |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Pleasantness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Empathy |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Cooperation |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Tenderness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Nurturance ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||||||| 79%
Conscientiousness |||||| 18%
Efficiency |||||||||||| 34%
Dutifulness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Purposefulness |||||||||||| 34%
Organization ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 34%
Rationality |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Perfectionism ||||||||||||||| 42%
Planning |||||||||||| 38%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 40%
Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Happiness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Calmness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Moderation ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Toughness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Impulse Control |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Imperturbability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Cool-headedness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Tranquility ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Ingenuity |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Reflection |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Competence ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Quickness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Introspection ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Creativity ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Imagination ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Depth |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 72%
Television:
Dave the Barbarian....the best show ever! And Aqua Teen Hunger Force.....what more could anyone want?
Books:
adopt your own virtual pet!
Heroes:
The members of the CREAM TEAM (Andy-Roo, Fluffster, Marky Mark, and Blake!), for helping me remember that it won't ever go completely numb, one of which works with me and Joey Post, A.K.A. DA POSTMAN, who covered for me on Saturday night at the last minute so I could go support my best friend in the pageant she shoulda won, which happens to be none other than Biffy!!!, who keeps me from going completely numb. .....AND WAIT! DAVID'S MY HERO TOO!
GO
SUPER
DAVE!
