I have three beautiful children...one I have acquired from my fiance, one sleeps with God now, and the other is here with us and we love them all more than anything in this world.
Avery James was born Dec. 28, 2003 in Bradford, PA. He was and still is my world. Avery gave my life purpose and a reason to become a better person. On July 3, 2006 Avery fell into a swimming pool at family's house and we lost him that day. Please don't ask me for details...at this point in our grief, your curiousity becomes a morbid curiousity only....there is no purpose to reliving that day any longer. I wish to keep only my memories of Avery as he will always live within me, and I want to continue to spread his memories in order to keep him alive in other's hearts. This is what makes me happy and it is the only solace to my grief.
For those of you who are unexperienced with grief...it doesn't go away. There is nothing more painful than losing your child...many of us grieving parents would give our own lives in an instant if it meant that our child would be able to have theirs. The pain that we feel will continue into our old age and we will never be "ok"...we may smile and laugh like the rest of the world...but when we go home at night and lay down to sleep, our memories will always flood us and remind us of the life that should also be here with us every day.
I also have my beautiful son Caydan Joseph...born on March 2, 2006 in Torrance, CA. He is what gave me the strength to go forward with my life after losing Avery. He is what continued to give me purpose in my life after half of my soul was taken from me in July. My world now revolves around Caydan and the memory of Avery.
I also have a "step" daughter who was born May 2, 2002. She lives with her mother in Bradford, PA. She is a very important part of our lives even through the distance.
I also want to mention how much I appreciate and love the friendships I have. I would not have been able to get this far in my grief without the wonderful friends and family that have surrounded me and my family and comforted us. Many of you have lived the pain alongside me as I know you love Avery just as we do. Many of you did not even know Avery, but you were touched enough by his story and my love to help me to keep his memory alive by all that you do.
And for anyone experiencing this type of grief, a huge part of my healing is attributed to The Compassionate Friends. This support group has been my medicine and has allowed me to connect with others who feel my pain and realize that the death of a child can happen to anyone regardless of how important, kind, loving, or careful we are. This group is recognized around the world, please look for a chapter in your area.
