Beardbeard in 2008! - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I skip everywhere I go. I'm microwave safe. I'm the last of the old prospectors. My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. I ride a rickshaw everywhere I go.

My Interests

How 'bout the power of flight? That's levitation, homes. Having interests. Passing on the breakdancing wave to strangers.

I'd like to meet:

A wizard. One person who doesn't claim to have some fraction of Native American in them--just one person. Somebody who wears tap shoes and knows nothing at all about how to tapdance.

Music:

I don't care what it is, as long as there's a jug and washboard being played.

Movies:

Are those the things on YouTube where some lady falls out of grapes? I like when ladies fall out of grapes.

Television:

I only watch TV one day a year and that's Christmas and I watch it all day, same channel, TNT, A Christmas Story. There is nothing else as far as I'm concerned.

Books:

Are those on YouTube? No? Then I have no idea what those are.

Heroes:

People on MySpace who have hundreds of friends. That means that they're very popular and loved.

My Blog

My Life Smells Like Bacon!

So, I came home from work just now to find my apartment smelling - strongly - of bacon. Now, I don't know if it means a faerie is hiding in my cupboard or I'm being haunted by the fattest ghost ...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:59:00 PST

How Best to Fuck Over My Car Neighbor?

The guy who parks next to me in my apartment complex is a goddamn douche bag. He parks like frat boys wear hats: crooked and like a fucking DOUCHE BAG. And it's not like he drives some big...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:08:00 PST

What's the First Thing You Hear When the Curtain Goes up on the New Harry Potter Movie?

Well, if you're me and you have a black guy sitting behind you, it's this. "Harry Potter? That nigga like 30."
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 04:49:00 PST

Supermarket Creep!

Tonight at the grocery store, while I was purchasing generic Cookie Crisp (Chip Mates), the cashier guy let his freak flag fly. I look off to the side as he starts to scan my goodies and I see t...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Tue, 10 Apr 2007 08:54:00 PST

Sleight of Ham!

I went to the Magic Castle tonight in Hollywood for a friend's birthday and as we were going to leave, I overheard the best exchange. There was this older magician guy, really sleazy looking, hi...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 01:33:00 PST

The King of Pop Zap Pyoo Pyoo!

It sounds like I'm making it up, but I'm not. Michael Jackson wants to build a giant, 50 foot robot of himself that shoots lasers to roam the Las Vegas desert. I'm sorry, maybe you didn't catch that. ...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 08:26:00 PST

Another Video That's Not Mine!

I realize it's a cop out when I do this, but at least this video will be more entertaining than the last. This video is the reason I love life.It's the PG rated version of the trailer for the movie 30...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Sat, 24 Mar 2007 04:34:00 PST

I Love This Man!

I won't make fun of him. He makes my heart happy and that's saying a lot if you know my heart. If you do know my heart, by the way, please ask him if he's been fucking my liver. I th...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 09:07:00 PST

Against All Odds!

Phil Collins was a man ahead of his time. Granted, the words to his song bearing the same name having nothing to do with this post, but I just thought I'd mention it. Invisible Touch? ...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 09:29:00 PST

The Biggest Little Post on the Internet!

I went to Vegas this past weekend and I saw midgets. I didn't just see a midget. I saw many midgets. I realize that using the m-word to refer to them is rude, but they can't read any...
Posted by Beardbeard in 2008! on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 08:47:00 PST