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MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCEI dont understand alot of things about people. like how something small could cause them to stress out so much. Why some people want to change so much but wont even try to atleast put them in a situation that would give them the chance to do different then what they would normaly do. or how a break up in a relationship could change someones personality so much that we go from best friends to i cant stand to be around that person at all. why do people let things get to them so much? i am carefree and free spirited. single and always will be single. by choice. i dont want the responsibility of a relationship. in my opinion, once your in a relationship everything becomes an obligation.
Obligation to remember so many different things. the obligation to always have to be there even if you dont want to be. to pretend your happy in some situation when really theres only a short of a million other things youd rather be doing. oh an i dont like the fact that i would be expected to feel. i once wanted to be in a relationship. an i did everyhting i vould to show i cared for an liked the gal. random surprises, just cause i wanted to do something nice whether it was flowers that cost as much as my pay check was. or bring them soup an a sandwhich on my lunch because she wasnt feeling good. always be there when ever they were sad. to sit there an hold them for hours an let them vent on everyhting an i know all i am to do is listen. an i did. but yet. i was laways told. i never cared. so fuck it. if it requires more then always being there an caring an trying to bring a smile. then i want nothing to do w/ a relationship.i wonder what teh point in life is. cause there is no point
no matter what we do for what ever reason we do it. in the end. we all die. some sooner then others. some of us wish to live to be 100 and others believe if at 40 they passed away, they have lived a good life.im mean come .. 40. is when you start to understand your getting old. you grow weak. but then some people grew up weak. an to grow weak. well when they make it to 100, how is that? i would be happy to pass away at 40. i lived my life ive already seen and done the things i want to do in life. an ive done alot more an seen alot more then i wanted. hell i lived in hawaii for 2 yrs. i never wanted to. i never wanted to go there. but i ended up there due to the army. i blew my apendix. and you know what? it was nice. because for a solid month straight, i had no responsibilities. i did what ever i wanted to do. and i played FFXI online. being in alot of pain an on big pain killers. wasnt to much i could do any ways. and i had alot of fun. alot of people say i am very smart when i choose to be. i dont care to come off smart. so i almost never will. but if a subject comes up that i actuayl care to talk about and have a train of thought in. i will show oyu a side of the subject you never would of seen. i can see where everyone is comming from on all subjects and point of views. very easily i can. i may also take into consideration what someone else is telling me. it just require for hte person to have strong points an knowledge of the subject at hand before i would actualy consider their idea and opinion.
im not religeous, im not sure if there is a god. but if your my friend you know ill joke around about there being a god, and about me being God.
everyhting is funny to me. all jokes, no matter how inappropriate they are.my favorite thing a friend could ever do for me was to just act excited when we meet up. overly excited. why not. cause you know ill make a scene. ill hoot an hollar jump around and act like we havnt seen each other in years. thats how i am. im acutaly excited to see you. why not show it? not very many things can embarass me i dont think. something that would bother me and even embarass me is when someone doesnt dress ot the occasion. i once had a girlfriend. took her to the macroni grill. an very nice restraunt. she wore a damn dirty black sweat shirt an blue jeans. while i had my clothes done at the profesional cleaners an pressed for the date. an not for one moment she didnt act like an adult. i just wanted to leave her outside like a damn dirty dog. i ended it that night. and never spoke to her again. if you dont like me its because i dont like you. ands ill make it clear if i dont like you. i can tell if i am going to make someone a friend the very first time we meet. hell by the way we greeted each other i will know by then if we would be albe to be friends. i go off of first impressions. why cause im always right. if i see someone an for some reason dont like the person, theres a damn good reason, yet i probaly dont know why, just yet. hmm its late, im off to bed, maybe ill add to this another day. oh an i wrote this about me sober this time.
