Lucifer

I am a mean ill tempered little man with a huge chip on mty shoulder. I am so pissed off at the world that my eyes bleed from the pain of waking up in the morning. I am bad to animals, even worse to waitresses and i will stop and pee on your car tire instead of walking inside the store and finding the bathroom. My teeth are bad, I walk with a bad sideways limp, and i always smell like soup. I am lousy in bed with a "quick trigger" on my "baby carrot". I have to beg women to sleep with me. Sometimes pay. Rarely abduct. I try not to leave my house unless it is to throw rocks at the neighbors kids. I dont mow my lawn, i borrow things and not return them and I will flirt with your mother in front of your father while over for dinner. When i have guests over, I eat with out offering, talk on the phone while you sit quietly alone for an extended period of time and hide the toilet paper. If i am at your house i will make multipe calls to 411 for random local store numbers and not write them down. Just continuesly call 411. I will argue with you about things that i care nothing about either way just to get you pissed off. I will put a homeless pregnant single broke woman out on the street with no where to go and i will erase all the phone numbers out of your cell phone after i borrow it to call Bejing. I am like the devil, only worse because I will talk to you when needing badly to clear my throat. Forcing you to hear my words gurgle out. I fart in elevators, heckle in church and vote republican. I tare pages out of library books, do hit-n-run's in parking lots, and chew with my mouth open. One of my ears is noticable bigger than the other, I'll shake your hand after picking my nose and never return phone calls. I live off of slim-jims and hot boiled peanuts unless you're buying the meal, than it's multiple orders of the filet and plenty of drinks. Speaking of drinks, it doesn't take many for me to consider sleeping with your ugly sister. Or your ugliest sister. I'd probly do it stark-ass sober to piss you off. May photograph it too.....Oh, and i like tennis too.