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the horror

Here is the story of the infamous Cantrells.

About Me

The Horror is a world famous door closer. Having closed doors in Paris, Milan, London he has recently been doing smaller, more intimate, door closing at local venues.

My Interests

Tissue folding, glass staring, book placing and dog rugby.

I'd like to meet:

People who do not say the word 'dude.'

Music:

Stooges, Misfits, Dead Boys, Richard Hell, Teengenerate, Guitar Wolf, The Kinks, The Rolling Stones, Mad3, Elvis, King Coleman, Andre Williams, Funkadelic, Buzzcocks, The Mummies, Hasil Adkins, Jailcell Recipes, Supercharger, The Who, Black Flag, The 5,6,7,8's, New York Dolls, The Ramones, The Trashwomen, TheeFine Lines, The Delmonas, Question Mark and the Mysterians, The Alarm Clocks, and other good rock n roll

Movies:

Repo Man, Sid and Nancy, the original Wicker Man, The Vikings, Spartacus, I Stand Alone, Funny Games, Ichi The Killer, Visitor Q, Broadway Danny Rose, Life of Brian, Yojimbo, Old Boy, Sympathy for Mr Vengeance

Television:

z

Books:

Box Man, Paradise Lost, all of The Divine Comedy, Moby Dick, The Early History of Rome, Heart of a Dog, Under a Sheltering Sky, Crime and Punishment, Poe, Shakespeare, Herodutus The Histories, A Good man in Africa, Women in Love etc.

Heroes:

No heroes man, I'm punk rock mate. Yeaaaaahhhh

My Blog

Hubert Rupert Schubert Cantrell 1100-1170

Hubert was the first Cantrell to actually be able to stand vertically up. Before the Cantrells were a horizontal family. Which in a way was good as the Cantrells had a long history of prostitution. H...
Posted by the horror on Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:05:00 PST

Julius Augustus Neroni Cantrell 1200-1240

Julius was born without a face. His parents worried that a future Mel Gibson would make a film about him constructed him a face out of wood and clay. This early childhood trauma obviously led to some...
Posted by the horror on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 03:18:00 PST

Ted Red Red Red Ted Cantrell 1900-1980

Ted was the proud son of Fred Bread Bread Cantrell. He was born aged 12 and became a missionary at 14. He went to Africa where he contracted various STDs including the nasty Metal Crabs. Where tiny me...
Posted by the horror on Thu, 29 Nov 2007 03:39:00 PST

Scatman Ron Cantrell 1600-1670

Was born singing "Be baba ba ba ba, calling out to Scatman", to the astonishment of the hospital staff. After continuing this singing for two weeks the Father, Scotman Gon, cut the kids vocal chords. ...
Posted by the horror on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 05:00:00 PST

Panty Hanty Shanty Cantrell 1880-1910

  Panty Hanty led a short and empty life. Spending his youth buried up to his neck for reasons still unknown. At age 20 he got engaged to a pretty girl named Canty Manty Ganty who he murdered ...
Posted by the horror on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 09:46:00 PST

Jerry Merry Cantrell 1300-1340

Jerry was indeed the first ever guitarist for Alice in Chains. Not the grunge group but the earlier New Romantic group. Enjoying hits like, 'Baby shave your back', ' Baby I love your stump', and so on...
Posted by the horror on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 09:27:00 PST

Pong Tong Cantrell 1600-1672

Pong Tongue was born  boy yet grew into a girl in early childhood. Growing a womb on her back and a vagina on her forehaead. She attended Oxcockburnford University where she studied Pencils. Gai...
Posted by the horror on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:51:00 PST

Mulcher Fister Cantrell 1860-1895

Mulcher Fister Cantrell was born without skin or bones. Yet, despite this set back she became the face of Pear's Soap. Although, to be fair it was the companies least successful piece of advertising. ...
Posted by the horror on Thu, 15 Nov 2007 09:44:00 PST

Charles Chif Cantrell 1822-1870

..> Charles was indeed a remarkable man having been born with 7 legs and 3 necks.Later after attending Oxcockford University he became a gangster rapper by the name of Cool C. Starting the first ...
Posted by the horror on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:43:00 PST

Bernice Chinclamp Cantrell

1777 One of the sadder tales in the family history I'm afraid. Was killed 12 times by her mother, Humus Thigh Cantrell, by the age of twelve but never actually died but just killed. Anyway, after a t...
Posted by the horror on Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:31:00 PST