In 2003 I unsuccessfully ran for Congress. I believe I failed thanks in part to two main reasons. First off I never "officially" announced my intentions. Unless of course you consider getting drunk and announcing it to a handful of patrons at the local strip club. (By the way thank you to the man who bought me a lap dance that night, I think his name was Ernest. I told you I wouldn't forget you.) Secondly I never really "officially" campaigned. Once again unless you consider me getting drunk off my ass, getting thrown out of every bar, night club, and/or restaurant, then screaming at the top of my lungs "When I'm your congressman I will own you bitch. I will have your little establishment turned into a parking lot and I will have you framed and put in jail for life." So as you can see my last "campaign" wasn't the non stop orgy I'm always reading about, but I do think next time I can do some things different. First off I would like to start by promising to eradicate ALL victim less crimes. This includes prostitution and marijuana. I would have both industries regulated and taxed to help get us out of the Enormous debt President Bush has managed to accumulate. I also believe if prostitution were legal there would be less chance the other congressmen ( and I'm not pointing fingers.....cough cough Ted Kennedy cough) would feel it necessary to kill their "dates" and spend tax dollars to cover their arses'. Sadly I will not be able to continue my political career into the White House as I was not born in this country. However I will do my best to convince the next administration to invade and pillage France and Canada. France for obvious reasons ( the English have never got along with frogs). And Canada because they are smug bastards, with their hockey and funny accents and all. I will conclude by apologizing in advance for the many, many, many sexual escapades I will embark on during my term in office. I would also like to thank the people who DID vote for me last election.... All 4 of you.(You know who you are.) Thank you and God bless. _BLUE
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