Cap'n Crotch profile picture

Cap'n Crotch

About Me

Actively seeking employment while recovering from an anal injury.

My Interests

Staying at least 100 feet away from the middle school at all times.

I'd like to meet:

Mr. Nipples

Music:

Burning Airlines, Hum, Alter Bridge, (Hed)P.E., Deftones, The One AM Radio, Death Cab For Cutie, Fear Factory, 30 Seconds To Mars,The Postal Service, Mnemic, Castor, Keane, Pilote, Autechre, Kid606, Fluke, Aphex Twin, Air, Nonpoint, Handsome, Incubus, Spacetime Continuum, My Bloody Valentine, Jawbox, Underworld, Cibo Matto, Failure, Swervedriver, PM5K, Elliott, Banco De Gaia, Esthero, Luke Vibert, Matchbook Romance, 40 Below Summer, Citizen Cope, MONTAG, The Doors, Telefon Tel Aviv, Radiohead, Deadsy, Ibizarre, Poison The Well, Tosca, Alien Ant Farm, Static Lullaby, Audiovent, Machine Head, Sunny Day Real Estate, Unwound, Rival Schools, Blindside, Cave In, Cold, From Zero, National Skyline, Idiot Pilot, N.E.R.D., Static-X, Switched, Sunset Black, The Cardigans, The Killers, Beatsystem, Ultraspank, Velvet Revolver, Replicants, Virgos Merlot, Prefuse 73, Sigur Ros, Massive Attack, Shiner, Portishead, and MANY MORE

Movies:

Donnie Darko, Big Lebowski, Raiders of the Lost Dildo's part 9: The Crotch Olympics, Lost In Translation, Eternal Sunshine, Equilibrium, The Jacket etc etc

Television:

Spaced, The Office, Lost, Heroes, Arrested Development, Black Books, Dr. Who, Iron Chef, and more

Books:

MFU, HOL and Only Revolutions, HGTTG, and anything with pictures..Southland Tales: Two Roads Diverge, Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Solaris

Heroes:

My pops, George Carlin, Steve Vai, Jade Raymond, O & A, Lil' Jimmy

My Blog

Sasquatch sighting!

There have been recent reports of a Sasquatch sighting on a beach.  No exact location is known because analysts are still reviewing the evidence, including a still photo which was taken at the sc...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 05:28:00 PST

In other news...

In other news, Fidel Castro is shown doing his best Fericito impression from Saturday Night Live:     Aye Dios Mio!      ...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 06:51:00 PST

Googely-Eyed Aussie Terrorist Strikes!

Fuck terrorists.  Seriously, I think these people are idiots.  I'm not even talking about our terrorists here at home (ALF, PETA, and ELF etc.)  I'm talking about the self-detonating, f...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Been a long time since I rock and rolled

Holy shit!!! It's certainly been a long time hasn't it?  I feel like I have been away too long.  To be honest, I wanted to kind of stay under the radar while all the horrible crap that went ...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Tue, 13 Sep 2005 12:25:00 PST

Where has your Captain been?

Work, school, my birthday etc.  All of these things have been taking the Captains time.  To all of you that read this blog (all 2 of you) expect something new in the next few days.  Ple...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Thu, 25 Aug 2005 12:49:00 PST

The magic of electricity!!!!!

I hate my job.  I hate it so much I have avoided elaborating on it for quite some time now.  My job is my enemy...if my job was my fetus I would have it aborted.  What is my job?  ...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

McDonald's! Are you lovin' it?

No McDonalds, im not "lovin' it".  I used to love your fattening burgers, your paper thin meat, your soggy, grease drenched French fries, and the ability to super quadruple mega size my meal to ...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

More PETA and their fuck-brained antics

I am sure everyone is familiar with this story by now.  However, in my quest to show people that PETA is fucking fanatical and frightening, not to mention NOT FUCKING FOLLOWING THEIR OWN RULES, I...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Hot For Teacher!

Does anyone else wonder why there is a rash of student/teacher "relationships lately?  I find it quite strange that so many women have been seducing young boys in the classroom.  Kelly Dale...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I'M GOIN HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some things are just too outrageous to be true.  Generally this kind of thing is brought to us by our fearless, never faltering, never dishonest, good ol' American press.    I was scou...
Posted by Cap'n Crotch on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST