In 1974 some bearded guy in a wooly jumper, who collected corn fakes, called Dave Lee Travis, invented a thing called the radio. In 1981 a big baby was born. This baby was Fat G. For 3 years no more babies were born in the entire world, until June, 1984, when what can only be described as a mullet supporting baby, crawled into the world. This was the Bennyness.
The first words to pass the lips of Fat G at only 3 days of age were, "Mother! I'm gonna be a radio dj!" The first words to pass the lips of the Bennyness at only 3 days of age were also, "Mother! I'm gonna be a radio dj!" The two mothers replied with the exact same words, "Holy cup cakes! That's what this radio thing needs, a bloody good dj God damn it!" And so their mothers respected their wishes and never sent them to school, they didn't bother getting an education, they never got a job. They just sat and waited.
For years this invention of Dave's was being panned for being rubbish. It didn't help that many millions of other stations had been created, all of which were rubbish. Sadly the corn flake obsessed freak died of indigestion, be he knew that some day a radio show would be made that would prove these cynical little willies wrong, and he died a happy chappy.
In 2007, when out shopping for hot cross buns, Fat G spotted a fellow dole dossing scumbag picking up the last pack of bunly goodness. This was the Bennyness. He stank, but he'd lost the mullet thank God. Fat G grabbed the pack of buns, and the eyes of Fat G and Bennyness locked. "Brother!" they both said with open arms, and embraced in the manliess hug ever seen by man. It was at this very moment they knew they were destined for big things in the world of radio, so they announced to the knowledge of the world that is the Burnley Express that they needed a radio home.
Radio 1 offered; they said no way. Heart FM pleaded; they denied. Virgin Radio demanded, they refused. 2BR begged; they declined. Smooth FM asked nicely; Bennyness was tempted, but Fat G said no. Then BCR came a knockin', and they said yes!
This was the birth of the mother of all radio shows, THE FAT G SHOW!!!
....the G stands for beautiful babies!
