Paul profile picture

Paul

DANCE FOR MY AMUSEMENT, EARTH-WOMAN! NEH-HEH heh-heh-heh-heh! HA HAHAHAHA!

About Me

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

My Interests

Johnnys in the basement Mixing up the medicine Im on the pavement Thinking about the government The man in the trench coat Badge out, laid off Says hes got a bad cough Wants to get it paid off Look out kid Its somethin you did God knows when But youre doin it again You better duck down the alley way Lookin for a new friend The man in the coon-skin cap In the big pen Wants eleven dollar bills You only got tenMaggie comes fleet foot Face full of black soot Talkin that the heat put Plants in the bed but The phones tapped anyway Maggie says that many say They must bust in early may Orders from the d. a. Look out kid Dont matter what you did Walk on your tip toes Dont try no doz Better stay away from those That carry around a fire hose Keep a clean nose Watch the plain clothes You dont need a weather man To know which way the wind blowsGet sick, get well Hang around a ink well Ring bell, hard to tell If anything is goin to sell Try hard, get barred Get back, write braille Get jailed, jump bail Join the army, if you fail Look out kid Youre gonna get hit But losers, cheaters Six-time users Hang around the theaters Girl by the whirlpool Lookin for a new fool Dont follow leaders Watch the parkin metersAh get born, keep warm Short pants, romance, learn to dance Get dressed, get blessed Try to be a success Please her, please him, buy gifts Dont steal, dont lift Twenty years of schoolin And they put you on the day shift Look out kid They keep it all hid Better jump down a manhole Light yourself a candle Dont wear sandals Try to avoid the scandals Dont wanna be a bum You better chew gum The pump dont work cause the vandals took the handles

I'd like to meet:

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Music:

Hey, is that the song "It's Raining Men"? I should warn you: Whenever this song comes on, I am legally bound to remove my shirt, lather my pecs in baby oil, and thrust my crotch along to the beat. In fact, right now I could tear off these breakaway pants, and gyrate my hips so you can witness the full glory of my bouncing package.

Movies:

This may be my favorite scene from any movie:Tiny Dancer - Elton John

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Television:

TV's lame...except during football season.

Books:

a brief top 51. Lord of the Rings -JRR Tolkien 2. Animal Farm- George Orwell 3. The Stranger- Albert Camus 4. Connections- James Burke 5. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes- That dude who drew Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Waterson? I'm blanking on his name)

My Blog

I invented a new dance at work today

Its called the Drunken Contra It's two steps up then two steps back. left-right-left-right Then B-A-Start Done properly you get the 30 extra lives that are so important on that bullshit waterfall leve...
Posted by Paul on Wed, 16 May 2007 07:13:00 PST

learn something new every day

There are only 50 different words in Green Eggs and Ham. Dr. Seuss wrote the book to win a $50.00 bet with his editor that he could write a book containing 50 words or less. The fifty words used are: ...
Posted by Paul on Thu, 03 May 2007 08:54:00 PST

yes i ripped this off from the onion. I'm thinking about using some of these this weekend.....

Excuse me, beautiful, mind if I stand next to you and do some talking? I don't mean to intrude, but I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone and enjoying yourself. There's just one p...
Posted by Paul on Wed, 02 May 2007 09:35:00 PST

random thing i typed cause i am bored

Top 5 sonngs to run around my apt at 12:30 in my boxers to 1. I Want You to Want Me- Cheap Trick 2. Pump it Up- Elvis Costello 3. Turning Japanees- The Vapors 4. Drunken Lulabies- Flogging Molly 5. Th...
Posted by Paul on Wed, 02 May 2007 09:26:00 PST

i rule

I wanted to write a deep blog full of interesting ideas that would make women swoon over me, but I drew a blank. Just pretend that this blog is the greatest thing you've ever read and feel free to spr...
Posted by Paul on Fri, 20 Apr 2007 09:28:00 PST

some rare restraint on my part

I was going to post a Mad Lib I did on line where I just entered variations of the word poop for everything. Then I realised that might come off as childish....Instead enjoy this picture of Don Knotts...
Posted by Paul on Tue, 10 Apr 2007 09:45:00 PST

I wrote a Haiku about blue berry muffins. I am so awesome

I wrote a Haiku About blue berry muffins I am so awesome
Posted by Paul on Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:48:00 PST

quiz answers

Here are the answers to the quiz I posted last week:The Paul quiz. It's easy 20 questions about me, email me your answers and I'll let you know how you did.1. I have never voted for a winner in a Pres...
Posted by Paul on Fri, 06 Apr 2007 07:14:00 PST

i was going to my taxes while doing laundry but forgot my w-2

So this is my idea for a TV show.....     Pimp my Zamboni. Each week Canadian rapper Snow will mad trick out a beat up old ice resurfacing machine and made the pimpinest thing on ice.  ...
Posted by Paul on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 07:37:00 PST

what the hell?

Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it? Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself...
Posted by Paul on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 07:28:00 PST