..
rest those bedroom eyes sleepy head, youve got a long, long way to go...
Because I dream, I am not.
Because I dream...
I dream.
Because at night, I abandon
myself to my dreams...
before I'm left the day.
"I will sacrifice nothing.
For there are no conflicts.
Except me.
And there’s only one transgression.
Me."
-hailey, mzd.
"Once we lay down in a forest. Rain fell & we were a dry space hollowed out of the rain. Under the night black timbers, I shivered until you became enough to warm me. Morning broke, into heavely pieces. All was clear. And the ocean? We stopped to see it - 7 distances, the day - broken up, into glass." - Mark Wunderlich.
its fall. and im falling.. falling down, falling apart, falling in love. its fall. and im wondering.. wondering why, haunted by neon WHY electric glow signs, everywhere i turn. it gets darker now, and the sun she sets too fucking soon, and the moon, the moon she seems so strong but so alone. im like the moon. i orbit around the others around me, watching them, silently. i dont like this season, even though everyone i run into seems to love it, because its an omen, a bad omen, to winter, winter where im frozen, frozen & alone walking through the gray. ive promised myself that i would utilize every idea that came to my mind in attempts to learn all that i can about who i am, and about the people around me. the truth of the matter is, you can never really know what a person is thinking... and that truth is a truth that i wish i could unlearn...
all that matters is love. love is all we have. dont ever take forgranted the people who are around you that you love and care about. tell them right now after you read this that you love them. because its so fucking important and all we are these days are words on machines, text messages, technology and were getting further and further away from the things i believe are most important. physical contact with real people who know you. or even those who dont but who one day might. myspace is not an accurate view of a life. of anyones life. broken down, myspace is code through wires & tubes into machines.
i try to remember who i am every day, even though i am constantly evolving. i collect found objects as a way to document my existance. i take photographs. i like to video tape whole periods of time of my life so that one day i can look back at it and have a better idea as to who i am. i collect virgin of guadalupe icons. i collect a geode a day if i can, if i cant find a geode i find a semi precious gemstone. i watch weird independent movies and art house flicks. i really like stencil & sticker art and i am not trying to be the first person to do anything. i have a million ideas about how i can make original things, i just have such a messy brain that i can never finish what i start. im going to school to be an egyptologist. which means i respect the past. i live in my head a lot. the past haunts me, it haunts me like your worst nightmares. ive lived a life that is worthy of being turned into a hollywood movie. im only happy when the music is loud and im dancing. im really into 'post-rock' & doom metal music, as well as dubstep&grime and minimal techno. i hope to be living outside of the US by next year. i have a keen fashion sense. i am mouthy when i need to be and also silent when i am bored or uncomfortable. i have changed so much as a person and i am so proud of who i am now. im super smart, and these days i dont hide it. i have a lot of ambition. im like exotic food though, in that you either love me or hate me, theres not an inbetween. im alone all the time, even in a room full of people, and im not alone in that feeling. i think the tv show 'pushing daisies' is completely precious and it makes me believe in love again. i collect old books. i think nostalgia should be collected, bottled & put into a pill form.
i choose to believe that those i love who have died still are around me and watch over me. i believe i will see you again. but my heart misses you now.
to quote someone once said "shes got this beautiful edgy sadness to her and i wonder what thats all about..." sagitarius/capricorn cusp kid with libra rising...
.."There will come a time in your life when you will ask yourself a series of questions. Am I happy with who I am? Am I happy with the people around me? Am I happy with what I'm doing? Am I happy with the way my life is going? Do I have a life or am I just living? Do not let these questions strain or trouble you. Just point yourself in the direction of your dreams. Find your strength in the sound and make your transition." - richie hawtin.
